The Flop House Episode Eighteen is ONLINE!

We discuss the teleporting extravaganza Jumper, a movie guaranteed to please the easily satisfied. Meanwhile, Stu explains his (unsurprisingly) sexual plans for super-powers, Matt pleads for peaceful coexistence between Jumpers and non-Jumpers, and Dan uses the podcast for his own personal gain
0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 1:21 - We introduce special guest host, Matt Koff.
1:22 - 29:19 - Jump! For my love! Jump in! ...Is a song we'd rather be listening to, than watching the film Jumper, starring Teen Anakin. Skywalker.
29:20 - 33:50 - Final judgments.
33:51 - 39:11 - A little Unbreakable feedback, and Dan hijacks the podcast for his own petty, personal purposes.
39:12 - 46:25 - The sad bastards recommend.
46:26 - 49:18 - Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Check out Matt Koff's very funny word of the day blog, the Word du Jour.









Wikipedia synopsis of Jumper.

Happy Birthday to Me!

In Which a Simple Request for Writing Advice Turns Into a Disturbing Psychosexual Drama

Matt: So your partner wants to experiment with tantric sex. But let's face it, you're a busy person! You don't have 10 hours to spend on a single orgasm! You’ve got foodshopping to do, dry cleaning to pick up, and bills to pay! At the Institute for Tantric Multitasking, we can show you how to keep things going, even while you’re coming!

me: Hmn.

Matt: That's all I got so far

!

me: I like the premise, but I'm not sure about this set-up...

Matt: Oh.

That's pretty much all there is.

me: I'd need to see more.

Matt: You mean the wording.

me: Yeah, something about it seems a little schticky.

But it has good potential.

Matt: I can see that.

I like you, you're a straight shooter!

You pull no punches.

me: I do enjoy hurting things.

With weapons and without.

Matt: Great!

Well, this meeting is over.

me: Okay.

>pulls out a Hustler <

>begins furtively masturbating<

Matt: Umm, you're still in my office.

me: Oh!

Right.

Matt: I have another meeting in 5 minutes.

me: This is your office.

Matt: Could you... stop that

right

YOU visited ME

me: Don't worry, I'll be done before then!

Just a sec.

Matt: You're missing the point.

me: It'll be longer if you don't stop talking!

Matt: Hrm.

me: Hand me the trash can.

Matt: It's in back of you.

me: Too late!

Matt: This is really impolite. Oh--

Oh geez.

me: Don't worry. It's mainly just in my pants.

I call that "intra-pant ejaculation."

As opposed to the more common "extra..."

I...

I should just go.

Matt: Yes.

me: See you at the family reunion!

Matt: With bells on.

...uncle Frank.

me: >CURTAIN<
Matt: The Atlantic Theater company is going to have a BALL with this one.

This is what the Internet has wrought, people. Bored, chat-based, off-color improvisational scenes. And what do you do at work?

If You Won't Listen to Me, Perhaps You'll Listen to the Highlander

ONE SARA SHOW, TONIGHT!
Tuesday, June 17 @ 8:00 p.m.
Ars Nova Theatre
Music by MEOWSKERS
Tamra Malaga, Dan McCoy
Directed by Jon Friedman
Live Video by Dan Winckler
$15

The Flop House Movie Minute #8 - Twisted Trailers

Trailers for some of this summer's biggest films.

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The Long, Awkward Conversation of the Lambs

Despite being in a number of comedy videos, I've never personally put a video on YouTube until now. And some may say that this barely qualifies. Still, take a look. You may enjoy it.

Buy "One Sara Show" Tix Online - Get Free Drink!

I'm giving readers of my blog the hook-up, ultimate booze-style. If you buy advance online tickets for Sara Schaefer's One Sara Show (featuring a cameo from yours truly) enter the coded SSFAN to get a drink ticket at the box office. Sara. Me. Alcohol. What more do you people want?

The Flop House Episode Seventeen is Online

We scoff at the feds by making our podcast completely Untraceable. You'll never shut us down! Meanwhile, Stuart pontificates about pizza disposal, Dan indicates his preference for old-timey modes of tragedy communication, and Elliott gives the writer of Untraceable lessons in Nielsen ratings.

0:00 - 0:30 - Intro and theme.
0:31 - 1:40 - We welcome back co-host Elliott Kalan after a brief break, and he pitches us a Kalan-centric TV vehicle.
1:41 - 26:42 - A perfectly pleasant conversation about sticking your penis in various foodstuffs is ruined by the film Untraceable.
26:43 - 30:00 - Final judgments.
30:01 - 36:16 - The sad bastards recommend.
36:17 - 38:03 - Shilling for the website - now with fan art and videos!
38:04 - 40:14 - Some final thoughts about Untraceable, fan art, and penises.
40:15 - 41:19 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.

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SOUND NOTE: We apologize for some of the sound in this episode. About 2/3 of the way through, some sort of technical issue befell Dan's microphone/ levels. We've done our best to fix this in post by manually boosting the volume whenever he speaks (since, luckily, he was picked up by the other host's microphones). However, as you can imagine, that solution isn't ideal. The episode is still completely listenable (thanks in some part to Dan not talking as much towards the end of the episode - a fortunate bit of laziness on his part), but we apologize for the dip in quality towards the end.








Wikipedia synopsis of Untraceable.

The Flop House Movie Minute #7 - Deleted Scenes

We present an extended cut from a horror movie classic.

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See Me (briefly) in Sara Schaefer's ONE SARA SHOW

Hey all -- my live appearances have been sparse lately, hopefully to be rectified in the near future, but for now you can enjoy my cameo in Sara Schaefer's new show. She's been working on it since last year, and now she's taking it to Ars Nova, one of the nicest theater spaces in New York. So come see it, why don't you?

SARA SCHAEFER'S ONE SARA SHOW
WRITTEN AND STARRING SARA SCHAEFER
DIRECTED BY JON FRIEDMAN
MUSIC BY MEOWSKERS

Tuesday, June 17 @ 8 p.m. Ars Nova Theatre Tickets ($15) available at SmarTix or Ars Nova or by calling (212) 868-4444

In her new show, Sara Schaefer's One Sara Show, comedian Sara Schaefer attempts the impossible: to stage a solo show all about herself while simultaneously proving she's not a self-absorbed bitch. With the help of a hipstery rock band (Meowskers), some friends (Tamra Malaga, Dan McCoy, and Dan Winckler), and a whole lot of glitzy multi-media pyrotechnics (i.e. VHS home movies and clipart), it's way more than a solo performance - it's a goddamn miracle.

CAPTAINS IN SPACE EPISODE SEVEN!

A new Captains in Space episode is a lot like Christmas: it brings joy and happens approximately once a year. In this case, that time is now. Episode Seven is GO!

We lost a captain: Something happened to Captain Adam in Episode 6: Beauty. We gained a captain: Some guy named Captain Matt has mysteriously taken his place. But there's no time to ponder these imponderables (don't worry, we'll answer these questions in a future episode), because the Captains are in grave danger! A mysterious green gas has engulfed the ship with unexpected consequences. Plus, two mysteriously sexy visitors suddenly appear. Are they dangerous, are they aliens, do they want to mate with the Captains? I know two Captains who are hoping the answer to the last question is "yes, please."

This episode features sexy space ladies Stefanie Estes and Amy Shute, and the compositions of musical powerhouse Keith Burgun of Dinosaur Lightning.

Subscribe via iTunes, download it, or watch it via YouTube, below:




Captains in Space: A Hairy Situation

Episode Written by: Dan McCoy
Story by: Stuart Wellington
Additional Material by: The Captains in Space writing staff

Director/ Cinematography/ Audio: Brad Bergbom
Producer/ Assistant Director/ Editor/ Special Effects: Fed Hatoum
3D Modeling: Winston Johnson
Music: Keith Burgun
Head Writer: Dan McCoy
Writing Staff: Matt Koff, Fed Hatoum, Andrew Dickerson

Cast:
Captain Fed - Fed Hatoum
Captain Matt - Matt Koff
Frankie - Vedette Lim
Space Girlfriend One - Stefanie Estes
Space Girlfriend Two - Amy Shute

The Flop House Episode Sixteen is ONLINE!

In the battle between Alien and Predator, there can be only one winner, and it's not the viewing public. Meanwhile, Stuart reveals a shocking secret about vaginas, Dan does a sub-par 70's TV impression, and Lou keeps urging people to draw things.

0:00 - 0:29 - Introduction and theme.
0:30 - 2:35 - We speculate about regular host Elliott Kalan's absence, and learn a little about guest host Lou Fernandez.
2:36 - 32:05 - Alien vs. Predator, possibly the coolest concept in the world, provided you're an acne-riddled 12-year-old.
32:06 - 35:25 - Final judgments.
35:26 - 42:14 - The sad bastards recommend.
42:15 - 45:07 - We draw your attention to Elliott's recent television triumph and plug our website a little.
45:08 - 48:09 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Dan mentions in the show that actor Lance Henriksen also sells his pottery online. You can check it out here.







Wikipedia synopsis of AVP2.

Big Site News - Whither Laffs is Now Fully Indexed

I know I haven't been posting much here for the last week or so, but that's partly because I've quietly been going back and tagging all of my old posts, to make the site much more searchable and easy to use. If you're looking for all of one kind of post (or if you're a frequent collaborator/ friend, looking to see how often you're mentioned*), now you can just click on the appropriate tag and see all of those posts grouped together.

So if, say, you're bored at work, and you want to read some of my comic essays, you can click that tab.

Or maybe you'd prefer to see some of my videos (or, if not mine, some selections from other comedian friends that I've highlighted over the years).

Perhaps outdated topical humor is your cup of tea. Then go for some monologue jokes and trace my utter failure at getting a joke on SNL's Weekend Update, despite being on the freelancer's list for like three seasons.**

If you like to read sketches on the page, without all those pesky "actors" messing it up, you can check out my sketch scripts. Please don't steal them, though (or if you do, give me proper credit).

For a tour of some of the dumbest things I've ever written, check out comedy gibberish. It's like a comedian's notebook full of half-formed nonsense. Then again, sometimes the goofiest stuff gets the biggest laughs.

Or, if you don't have time for all that, you could check out my favorite posts. I'll try and point you to the funny stuff. Of course, your sense of humor might be different than mine, but if that's true, you probably wouldn't enjoy this site anyway.

Finally, a way to conveniently avoid reading parts of my blog that you don't care about! I'm always looking for new and more efficient ways for my readers to ignore me. I hope this helps.

*Sara Schaefer and Elliott Kalan are currently neck-and-neck for most mentions, at 48 each. Fight, fight, fight for my love!

**Yeah, I know WU jokes aren't really the same as monologue stuff, but it's a similar sort of current-events humor, and I had to tag it as something. Back off, imaginary objector.

The Flop House Movie Minute #6 - Con Men

The Flop House makes a foray into near-journalism and visits the NY ComiCon.

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Shocking Legal News

"Set in Sin City, story revolves around two people who discover they've gotten married following a night of debauchery, with one of them winning a huge jackpot after playing the other's quarter. Unhappy pair try to undermine each other and get their hands on the money -- falling in love along the way." --Synopsis of "What Happens in Vegas" from IMDB



What this synopsis fails to mention is that Kutcher and Diaz are then "sentenced to six months hard marriage."

These activist judges are getting out of control!

What an unexpected result of Dennis Miller becoming a judge. I'll bet the Bush administration regrets that appointment... unless, of course, forced heterosexual conscription is a part of their strategy against gay marriage.

SHAME ON YOU, JUDICIAL BRANCH.

New Video Sketch

I have a cameo role in this video, written by and starring my friend Matt Koff. Give it a watch, why don't you?



DVD commentary tidbit: We shot much of this guerrilla-style in one of the busiest hotels located in the center of America's largest city. In addition to my key cameo, I did double-duty as a lookout, pretending to be talking to someone on my cell, and loudly saying the code words "house phone," whenever anyone not involved in the shoot approached. Because there's nothing less suspicious than someone shouting the common phrase "house phone" while lurking outside a restroom.

The Flop House Episode Fourteen is ONLINE!

We answer the question, "How bad could a movie with dragon wars possibly be?" Meanwhile, Dan pitches a new Bikini-themed movie, Elliott has a flashback to the war, Stu makes a love connection, and we all take a big swig of the Hong Kong cocktail.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 26:07 - After a brief and transparent bid for sympathy on Dan's part, we get down to business and discuss D-War: Dragon Wars, the film that can't make up its mind whether to abbreviate itself.
26:08 - 27:37 - Final judgments.
27:38 - 28:49 - We announce a shameless ploy to increase listenership.
28:50 - 32:29 - A long-absent segment makes its triumphant return.
32:30 - 38:20 - The sad bastards recommend.
38:21 - 42:08 - Some podcast business is taken care of, amidst copious gibberish.
42:09 - 43:21 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.

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The new Facebook group I mention in the episode can be found here (there's also a permanent link in the sidebar).

I apologize that the audio quality is slightly lower than the previous few episodes. My allergy-addled mind didn't take enough time checking the levels, so I sound slightly louder and cracklier than Stu or Elliott, despite doing my best to fix it in post.







Wikipedia synopsis of D-War.

May Day Cards

When Comedians Chat

Eli: the creator of LSD died today

me: He was eaten by an alligator-headed unicorn.

Eli: his last words were "it smells like purple"

c'mon, let's keep it going

his funeral will be held at the local planetarium accompanied by a Pink Floyd laser show

me: When asked how they'd pay for his funeral, relatives said "Put it on his tab."

Eli: nice

funeral goers are advised NOT to lick the program

me: The cemetery has added security to prevent people from eating the mushrooms growing on his grave.

His last words were, "I hear a white light."

(long pause)

me:

The only ones I can think of now are really stupid, like "Zombie-fearing undertakers have locked the casket to avoid acid reflux."

More than a stretch.

I need to be a joke Mr. Fantastic to stretch enough to make that work.

Eli: yeah, another one i had was "his final words were 'i finally get 2001"

but i thought that was a stretch too

me: Well, we've scientifically proven how many jokes this news story has in it.

Six.

>hangs lab coat on hook<

Time for lunch!

Eli: oh, science. is there anything you can't prove?

The Flop House Movie Minute #5 - Moral Lessons

A heartwarming story about spiders disintegrates into despair and recrimination. Enjoy!

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So THIS is What Internet Success Feels Like

A belated thanks to Gawker (and to writer Nick Douglas in particular) for the delightful surprise of their linking to our (mainly Elliott's) Flop House Ziggy movie pitch.

Speaking of Gawker, did I ever tell you that I once wrote something for Gawker? I did? Well, could you pretend to be impressed? It's only polite.

Pseudonyms I Would Go By, If I Were a Pick-Up Artist

"The Icy Burn"

"Cuddle Monster 2000"

"Last of the Mohicans"

"The Non-threatening Fallback"

"The Metal Sea Lion"

"Doctor Detroit"

"The Underoo Bandit"

"Sexy Insurance Agent" (also my Halloween costume)

"Mr. Impossifantistraviganzor"

"Baron von Creepystare"

"Lars and the Real Girl"

"The Genital-rubber"

"Rick"

"99 Luftballoons"

"Hurricane Margaret"

"Robert Downey Jr."

The Flop House Episode Fourteen is ONLINE

We squander our newfound viral success by spending this episode talking about the movie Bratz. Meanwhile, Stuart solves an unsolvable math problem, Dan lauds the film's convention-defying use of time, and Elliott gives the youth a lesson about teetotaling.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 2:19 - A noble attempt at professionalism crashes and burns almost immediately. Also, we explain our mission statement.
2:20 - 40:37 - We giggle like grade-school girls over the Bratz movie.
40:38 - 43:34 - Final judgements.
43:35 - 54:38 - The sad bastards recommend.
54:39 - 57:37 - Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikpedia synopsis of Bratz.

Shame on You, Cottonelle!

I am shocked and appalled, Cottenelle. There is egregious and then there is heinious, and then, far beyond that, on the far shore of the despicible, there is you. My gag reflex is not strong enough when faced with such incredible perversity. I don't care how inescapable your advertising campaign is; this is my pledge -- I will not wipe my ass with an adorable puppy.

Yes the puppy looks tremendously plush and soft-- the sort of softness that I imagine would be soothing and restorative after a long and difficult bowel movement. And certainly the puppy looks happy and content NOW, peacefully sleeping "in ready position" next to the toilet (or so I imagine). But will it be happy when it is vigorously being rubbed in the crevasse separating my buttocks? I think not! No, then all will be squealing and squirming!

Granted, this squirming will likely have a sort of "scrubbing" quality, preventing the need for repeated cleanings, and allowing the dog, in effect, to do the work for you. Still, this does not excuse the spreading of fecal matter all over a living thing, no matter how downy and asscheek-tickling said living thing might be. Also silky.

And once you've befowelled the dog, what then, COTTONELLE? You can't simply flush the dog down the drain, like a toilet paper goldfish. It would clog your plumbing. So you set it down to figure out what to do with it, and suddently you have a furry fecal rocket scampering all over your 1500-thread-count linens! Best case scenario, you spend the next half hour washing the dog. I don't need the tsuris!

Of course, if every puppy came with some sort of individual puppy washing machine, then maybe you'd have something. Do your business, toss it in, and then go watch Monk or something. It would certainly be more environmentally friendly than paper, recycling the same soft, soft, cushiony puppy.

I suppose in that case it wouldn't be too... reprehensible to... so fluffy...

Heck, I'll try anything once. C'mere boy. C'mere! Hey boy!

>whistle<

No need to look so scared! I'm just gonna pick you up for a minute, and just let me manouver you around there and...

What?

Get your hands off me! Who are you, and how did you get into my house? I don't care what sort of ethical treatment organization you're from! Let me-- A met... a metaphor? A visual metaphor? What do you...

Oh.

It appears I misunderstood.

Uh, sorry.

God I wish I hadn't been transcribing this completely true-to-life monologue for my blog. I now realize that it doesn't cast me in the most flattering light. In fact, I come off as a bit of a puppy-wiper. Well, I should be okay, just as long as I don't hit the "post" bu...

Did California Change Me?

I don't think so.

The Flop House Movie Minute #4 - Comic Heroes

We atone for the lack of full-length episodes, due to Dan's vacation, with this: a movie minute so long so as to render the concept useless. Enjoy!

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WE WILL BE BACK WITH FULL EPISODES NEXT WEEK!

On Vacation

I'll be in San Francisco all week, so don't look for any updates until Sunday the 13th. In the meantime, please entertain yourself with this old photo of me being menaced by a bear.

The Flop House Movie Minute #3 is ONLINE

We devote this Flop House Movie Minute to the ultimate in nostalgia sequels.

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A Solemn Announcement

I have a terrible announcement. Sadly, I will not be updating this blog anymore, as I unfortunately passed away at 3:38 eastern time, today, Tuesday April 1. As many of you know, I had been struggling with lupus for many years, and the strain grew too much for me. I am tragically survived by my wife and small cat. In lieu of flowers, I request that you send checks made out directly to the Manatee Repopulation Fund. And now, a moment of silence for myself.
.
.
.
.
.
.



APRIL FOOLS!
HA HA HA!
I GOT YOU!
FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU WERE FOOLED GOOD!
I BACKED UP A BIG TRUCK OF APRIL FOOLS AND PARKED IT ON YOUR FOOL ASS!
YOU WERE PASTA FAZFOOLED!
FOOL!
YOU ARE SUCH A FOOL THAT I PITY YOU.
I PITY THE FOOL THAT IS YOU.
I BET YOU CAN SEE THE SUN GOING DOWN AND THE WORLD SPINNING ROUND, BECAUSE WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE CURRENTLY ON A HILL, YOU ARE A BIG FOOL!
YOU KNOW WHAT'S COOL? STAYING IN SCHOOL.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT COOL? YOU. FOR THE REASON THAT YOU ARE A FOOL!
STICK IT UP YOUR FOOL!
YOU ARE THE CHILD OF A DONKEY AND A HORSE, EXCEPT YOU ARE A FOOL INSTEAD OF A MULE (ALTHOUGH TO GET TECHNICAL ABOUT IT, YOU ARE A MULE)!
LOOF IS WHAT YOU WOULD READ WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR OWN NAME IF YOU WERE DYSLEXIC!
THESE FOOLISH GAMES ARE TEARING FOOL APART!
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

HA HA HA! THIS WAS AN EVEN GREATER PRANK THAN THAT GMAIL TIME THING!

>pant pant<
>wheeze<

God I hate this holiday.

The Flop House Episode Thirteen is ONLINE!

In our least-edited show yet, we discover that big stars, glossy production values, and a classic story can't save you from being snatch'd by the Flop House, as we discuss The Invasion. Meanwhile, Elliott tries to sell us on his medical humor, Stuart imagines the sassy sentient skateboard of his dreams, and Dan auditions for several other podcasts.

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0:00 - 0:35 Introduction and theme
0:36 - 2:46 A podcast warning is issued, and a dead-on George Takai impression is met with thundering indifference.
2:46 - 40:54 We talk about The Invasion, the latest and least-greatest take on Invasion of the Body Snatchers. At least Nicole Kidman wears a tight sweater.
40:55 - 42:38 Final judgments.
42:39 - 55:09 The sad bastards recommend.
55:10 - 56:05 Some nonsense about Karate Kid to close the show.
56:07 - 58:56 Thanks, podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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CORRECTION: Dan says in the podcast that he may be wrong about the original director of The Invasion being the person who directed Kontroll. Indeed he is. The original director was Oliver Hirschbiegel who did Das Experiment and the Academy Award-nominated Downfall. Dan apologizes for his Amero-centrism/ mixing up his German and Hungarian directors.

Hey, if you haven't gotten the message by now, new microphones! If the sound quality of the earlier shows have been holding you back, now's your time to jump in again. And tell your friends!







Wikipedia synopsis of Invasion.

Unca Dan's Comical Funnies #10 - Better Late Than Never Edition

The Flop House Movie Minute #2 is ONLINE

In the second of our short, supplemental episodes, noted raconteur Stuart Wellington describes his encounter with noted werewolf-hunter Kate Beckinsale.

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Vacation

You may have noticed that Unca Dan's Comical Funnies were on St. Patrick's Day break yesterday. We will be back next week with new comic goodness. In the meantime, we hope you had a pleasant holiday watching Leprechaun in Da Hood.

The Flop House Episode Twelve is ONLINE

Jessica Alba and Hayden Christensen apply all of their Flop House star power to Awake, a strangely sedate thriller about a man who spends much of the movie paralyzed. Then dead. But don't worry; it has a happy ending. Meanwhile, Elliott takes our very first caller, Dan admires the bravery of Sean Connery's Medicine Man, and Stu introduces the review sensation that's sweeping the nation.

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0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.
0:30 - 3:21 - We waste a fair amount of time talking about our new microphones.
3:22 - 28:50 - Jessica Alba AND Hayden Christensen? Is there any way the movie Awake CAN'T be good?
28:51 - 37:20 Final judgements
37:21 - 38:57 A brief intermission for a story about Dan in his pajamas.
38:58 - 51:44 The sad bastards recommend
51:45 - 56:26 Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

Hey, if you haven't gotten the message by now, new microphones! If the sound quality of the earlier shows have been holding you back, now's your time to jump in again. And tell your friends.

And lastly, SHINY NEW FLOPHOUSE LOGO! Thanks to John McCoy for designing it for us.










Wikipedia synopsis of Awake.

Unca Dan's Comical Funnies #9

You Dropped the Ball, New York Tabloids

Like everyone in New York, I was excited to see what headlines the tabloids would use for the Elliott Spitzer prostitution scandal. Yet I was disappointed when the best the Daily News could come up with, was:

"PAY FOR LUV GOV"

Really, Daily News? I mean, aside from barely making any sense (it sounds like the hookers were paying him and I sincerely doubt Spitzer's that great a lay) the best you could do was to shorten governor and rhyme it with "luv?" This looks like something you'd find in a Valentine's Day Candy Heart Scandal-Pak. Where's the elan? The ribald puns? The ugly joy of a conservative rag reveling in the fall of a democratic governor? Surely the New York Post wouldn't let me down!

"HO NO!"

Yes, that's what they came up with. Ho no. It's not without its pithy charms. It has some of the punning, unseemly enthusiasm I'm looking for. But come on! This is a major sex scandal featuring the governor of our home state! Let's get it together, New York tabloids! How about something like...

CONCU-BIND!

or

GOV BRINGS WHOREMONY TO NY POLITICS

or

GOVERNOR HARD ON BALL STREET

or

SLITS SITS ON SPITZ' BITS*

*this would also be the Daily Variety headline.

or
REFORM CUMS TO AL-BONING

Then again, they could go with something a little more subtle...

This Week's Comic...

Will be up tomorrow, for the simple reason that I forgot about it.

The Flop House Movie Minute #1 is ONLINE

We're going to start producing short, supplemental episodes to put out in weeks without a full-length Flop House, so that listeners don't have to wait quite so long for new content. In this first episode, Dan addresses some of the material lost (thanks to technical difficulties) from the Awards Floptacular episode.

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We hope you like the new Movie Minute supplements. Thanks for listening.

The Flop House: Episode Eleven is ONLINE

Special guest Elliott Kalan returns to discuss what has been called "The Academy Awards of movies," the Oscars. Meanwhile, Stuart hands out tips about the Internet, Dan learns what it means to be a really unlikely stripper, and Elliott fears running afoul of Wayne Enterprises.

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0:00 - 0:33 Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 31:49 Welcoming special guest host, Elliott Kalan (segment producer, The Daily Show; humor columnist, Metro), and discussion of the 80th annual Academy Awards.
31:50 - 39:30 Elliott discusses his own experiences helping to produce the 2006 Oscars telecast, and Dan tries to jump in with his own shameless name-dropping.
39:31 - 43:15 We discuss the Razzies, which, coincidentally, was dominated by the film we watched the last time Elliott guest hosted.
43:16 - 45:51 We get bored talking about the Razzies and drift back to the Oscars.
45:52 - 46:39 Dan's cursed laptop provides the show with a shocking twist ending. Also, podcasty business is briefly addressed.
46:40 - 47:26 End theme and outtakes.

Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.

NOTE: In this episode, I incorrectly identify our email address as "theflophouse" at gmail.com. It is, of course, "theflophousepodcast" (of course because, in 2008, every other damn email address has been taken).

FLOPHOUSE THEATER -- Enjoy the Gay Cowboy Montage that guest host Elliott Kalan helped produce:

Unca Dan's Comical Funnies, #8