Thursday, July 26, 2007

Summer Funtime Special TONIGHT

In honor of tonight's premiere of The Summer Funtime Special (a fun summertime sketch comedy show celebrating fun summertime fun), we ask the question:

Is the Summer Funtime Special more fun than a random assortment of images called up when doing a Google image search for "summer fun?"












Just saying Fun in the Sun! doesn't make it so, Fun in the Sun. Plus, what are all those speckles around you? Look like pockmarks to me. I think what you need is to spend a little time out of the sun, maybe in a nice baking soda bath. That ought to stop the itching.

Advantage: Summer Funtime Special.















You know what makes this paper plate Summer-themed? No, it's not the sun, or the beach accouterments, or the palm tree. It's that this disposable paper plate personally contributes to the imminent ENDLESS SUMMER of global warming, what with the deforestation and the petrochemicals and whatnot. BOOOooooo! Boo, Summer-Themed Paper Plate!

Advantage: Summer Funtime Special.












Sure, I enjoy reading books as much as the next librarian's son. But a tree that yields book fruit? Truly these are some dark majicks indeed. Plus, look at the poor indentured laborer picking the books-- he's halfway off that ladder! Were you aware that book-picking accidents were responsible for 172 deaths in the last second alone? And the tragedy of it all is he's probably picking some shit by Nicholas Sparks.

Advantage: Summer Funtime Special.













Sure, the sun relaxing in an innertube, with giant John Lennon shades and a cool drink seems fun, until you realize that the resulting steam explosion will soon dwarf the one in New York City by a factor of several billion.

Advantage: Summer Funtime Special.













AUGHHHHHHHH! GIANT STYLIZED JAPANESE SQUID!!!

Advantage: Summer Funtime Special.












Nothing is more fun than Froggy Going Fishing.

Advantage: Froggy Going Fishing.

Still, in 5 out of 6 instances, the Summer Funtime Special is more fun than random images culled from a Google image search for "Summer Fun." Better play it safe and come to the Summer Funtime Special.

Thursday - Sunday at 8:00pm
July 26, 27, 28 & 29
at the Sage Theater
711 7th Avenue, Times Square

Starring Rob Bates, Matt Koff, Dan McCoy, and Stacy Mayer
Written by Rob Bates, Matt Koff and Dan McCoy
Directed by Jeremy Westphal
Artistic Director: Stacy Mayer
Stage Manager: Karie Hunt
Part of MC2's The Big Bang

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Summer Funtime Outtake

In honor of tomorrow's debut of our sketch show, The Summer Funtime Special (get your discount tickets here), I present to you this unused sketch. It was cut for time, as it is a bit lengthy. But it LIVES ON, here, as an INTERNET EXCLUSIVE! I bet you're happy you shelled out for that high-speed connection now!

The Campfire Sketch
by Dan McCoy

Four campers sit around a fire: TERRY, JILL, GREGOR, and MILTON. They toast marshmallows and drink some beers from a cooler.

JILL
Thanks for putting this camping trip together, Terry. God, I’ve missed you guys – college seems like it was ages ago.

TERRY
It was!

JILL
Don’t remind me – I have the mirror to do that!

(Cheesy laughter.)

MILTON
So, Terry, we’ve had some beers… making s’mores. What’s next on the camping cliché checklist of fun. Are we gonna tell scary stories?

JILL
Ooh, yeah! We should do some spooky campfire tales.

GREGOR
How about it, Terry? You were always the actor.

TERRY
Well, I was in Arsenic and Old Lace…

(Encouraging noises from the group)

TERRY (cont’d)
Okay, well here’s one my dad used to pull out on family trips. (flashlight under chin) There was this couple, and late one night, they were in these very woods, getting to know one another pretty closely in the back seat of a car – just like Jill and Gregor used to do…

(Scattered laughter)

TERRY (cont’d)
So suddenly, the Al Green, or Bel Biv DeVoe, or whatever on the radio gets interrupted by a news flash. It seems that this serial killer has escaped from the local mental institution, a madman with a razor-sharp hook for his hand. Now the guy wants to keep going at it…

JILL
Just like Gregor used to!

TERRY
But the girl insists that they go home. So he grumbles a little, but they buckle up and head home, and the guy gets out to let her out of the car, show he’s still a gentleman, and he reaches for her door handle – and there’s the killer’s hook, embedded in the door! True story. And they were the lucky ones. Year after year, other kids disappeared, but the killer was never caught. And I know, because… I’M THE KILLER.

(He raises up his arm, to show that his hand is gone [concealed in his sleeve]. Jill mock screams and the others laugh, except Milton, who stands up, PULLS OUT A GUN, and SHOOTS Terry multiple times)

JILL
Milton!

GREGOR
Milton, what the fuck man?!

TERRY
You shot me!

MILTON
You heard him! He’s an escaped serial killer! He probably lured us all out here into the woods to murder us all and wear our skins! But he didn’t count on one thing: Milton Greenburger! Now step aside so I can finish him off!

GREGOR
Milton, you jackass, it was just a part of the story!

MILTON
Well, what happened to his hand then? Huh? Explain that, “Ask Jeeves!”

JILL
His hand’s fine! He just stuck it in his sleeve!

MILTON
Look, it’s not my fault if Terry’s a special effects wizard! If someone says they’re a serial killer, I shoot first and ask questions later.

JILL
You’ve known him for 20 years! It was a campfire story!

MILTON
Well, look, I guess I’m “sorry” or whatever, but I think Terry should be a little more careful when he makes false confessions.

GREGOR
Terry, hang in there, man. We’re gonna get you to a hospital.

TERRY
Don’t yell at Milton. It’s just multiple flesh wounds. I don’t want to ruin the weekend.

GREGOR
Are you kidding me? He shot you!

TERRY
Listen. I may be shot, but this whole reunion will be shot if we argue with each other. Milton, I forgive you.

MILTON
Whatever.

TERRY
I’m just gonna crawl over to the car and grab my cell phone to call an ambulance. But that’s no reason to stop the fun. You know what would really make help focus my mind so I don’t black out on the way? Another campfire story. Gregor, you got one?

GREGOR
Uh, yeah. Sure, Terry. Anything you need. Another story…

(While Gregor speaks, Terry crawls slowly offstage)

GREGOR
Um. (flashlight to chin) Late one night a young woman was driving home, in a terrible storm, when she noticed a truck following her. It sped up, so she sped up. She took turn after turn, but it stayed on her tail. Then, the truck turned on its high beams. “Is he trying to blind me?” she thought. “Run me off the road?” It flashed the high beams again. Finally, she lost him on a back road. And it was only then that she realized the trucker had been trying to warn her about the killer in the back seat! The police caught him, but I heard on the radio tonight, that he escaped. In fact, I think I might hear him… BEHIND THOSE BUSHES!

(Gregor points offstage, where Terry has just EXITED. Milton, stands up, PULLS OUT A GUN, and SHOOTS offstage. Terry SCREAMS)

TERRY
What the fuck!

JILL
Milton!

MILTON
What?

JILL
WE JUST WENT THROUGH THIS!

(Terry STUMBLES BACK ONSTAGE)

TERRY
(to no-one in particular) He shot me again!

MILTON
Oh, I see. That was just part of the story too. Well, newsflash: if someone points to the bushes and yells killer, I’m perforating those bushes!

GREGOR
Why do you even carry a gun?!

MILTON
Who else is going to protect us from this barrage of killers?

GREGOR
What killers?

MILTON
It’s not my fault if I’m confused. I mean, first Terry was the killer. Then the killer’s in the bushes. Why do you have to break the fourth wall in all of these stories anyway?

TERRY
Amen to that.

MILTON
Perhaps you want to examine your use of dangerous narrative devices, before you blame my unregistered handgun.

TERRY
Um, guys, in all the excitement of being shot multiple times, I forgot to call that ambulance. Maybe you should drive me…

JILL
Oh god! Can we argue about this later, and just get Terry to the hospital?

MILTON
I’m not getting in a car with a suspected murderer.

JILL
He’s not a murderer. How many times do we have to…(She approaches Milton, who brandishes the gun at her. She changes tactics.) Fine. You wanna hear another campfire story, Milton? Here’s a story…

TERRY
Jill, no… it’s not worth it!

JILL
One dark night, four old college buddies were sitting around a campfire, telling stories. Little did they realize that one of them had no concept of how campfire stories worked, and shot two of them. And I know this, because the killer… was…

(Milton slowly raises his gun.)

GREGOR
Careful, Jill!

JILL
YOU, Milton!

(Milton shoots Jill.)

JILL
What the…? YOU, Milton. I said the killer was YOU.

MILTON
I know.

JILL
But you shot me.

MILTON
When someone accuses me of being a killer, I shoot them!

JILL
(Final breaths) We all just hung out with you because you had a car.

(Terry and Jill slump back, dead.)

GREGOR
They’re dead.

MILTON
(checking the cooler) Yeah, and all the beer’s gone. To hell with this.

(He shoots himself in the head, and falls dead. Gregor picks up the flashlight and faces the audience.)

GREGOR
And that’s the story of the crazed murderer, who, through a series of extremely unlikely circumstances, manipulated his simpleminded friend into killing his old college lover, and the man who once beat him out for a role in Arsenic and Old Lace. A tale I know all too well…

(Gregor turns on the flashlight, beneath his chin)

GREGOR (cont'd)
BECAUSE I WAS THE MURDERER!

BLACKOUT.

(Alternate ending: “And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the first draft of Hamlet.”)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

New Show ALERT: The Summer Funtime Special

I'll be co-starring in a sketch show next weekend (co-written by me). So come out and see the show, or regret missing it. Or don't regret missing it. That's the other option open to you: complete disinterest and lack of regret. It's a popular choice, as I understand.

What's the show?

"The Summer Funtime Special"

Barbecues, bikinis, beachballs, and blockbusters. Finally, a sketch show that celebrates what Time Magazine calls "The World's Hottest Season." An earlier version of this show was reviewed as having "sharp writing and performing" -- Jester Journal. Yes, some random guy with a website liked it. A ROUSING ENDORSEMENT! When have they ever been wrong?

Basically it's a collection of seasonal sketches, some old (don't worry, you haven't seen them), some new, in the vein of Zombira's Scaretaculous Halloween Horrortacular. If you liked that, chances are you'll like this too.

The at-the-door price is $15, but that gets you into all three of the evening's shows (the other two being "Sealegs McGoo," a one-man character piece, and "Plan B," another sketch group, so the ticket price covers the whole night). However, you can get a small discount by buying tix online. It's $12, with no additional service fee (the website is sort of confusing because the site says "w/service fee," but they mean to say it's included).

The key information is below:

Thursday - Sunday at 8:00pm
July 26, 27, 28 & 29
at the Sage Theater
711 7th Avenue, Times Square

Starring Rob Bates, Matt Koff, Dan McCoy, and Stacy Mayer
Written by Rob Bates, Matt Koff and Dan McCoy
Directed by Jeremy Westphal
Artistic Director: Stacy Mayer
Stage Manager: Karie Hunt
Part of MC2's The Big Bang















Disclaimer: this show is not affiliated with the Girl Scouts, although balding lothario Rob Bates wants readers to know that he's done a little girl scouting in his time, if you know what he means.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Casual Sketch Update

According to an email from the Casual Sketch guy in charge, the show is now FREE. So there's no excuse not to go... I mean, other than you don't like to go to things on Sunday at 9:30. Which I understand. In fact, why the hell am I doing this, again?

IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Dan Returns to the Stage THIS SUNDAY!

I haven't been doing many shows recently, for which I apologize. (I don't know to whom, however, as I bafflingly lack a Dan McCoy Fan Club.) I promise that I do have a few things in the pipeline, and I'll announce the details here soon.

In the meantime, why not come out to The Magnet Theater, this Sunday the 15th at 9:30 PM, to see me perform in a little show called Casual Sketch. I'll be performing a scene with my cohort Matt Koff under the name Tunnel to Passaic (thanks to Rob Bates for the appellation). Then, after the show, we'll probably end up like the couple in the promotional photograph below, who appear to be nude-blogging. As I understand it, that's the traditional way of celebrating an appearance in a sketch show.









Casual Sketch @ The Magnet Theater
Sunday the 15th at 9:30 PM
$5 - Cheap!
254 W. 29th St.
New York, NY 10001