Big Site News - Whither Laffs is Now Fully Indexed

I know I haven't been posting much here for the last week or so, but that's partly because I've quietly been going back and tagging all of my old posts, to make the site much more searchable and easy to use. If you're looking for all of one kind of post (or if you're a frequent collaborator/ friend, looking to see how often you're mentioned*), now you can just click on the appropriate tag and see all of those posts grouped together.

So if, say, you're bored at work, and you want to read some of my comic essays, you can click that tab.

Or maybe you'd prefer to see some of my videos (or, if not mine, some selections from other comedian friends that I've highlighted over the years).

Perhaps outdated topical humor is your cup of tea. Then go for some monologue jokes and trace my utter failure at getting a joke on SNL's Weekend Update, despite being on the freelancer's list for like three seasons.**

If you like to read sketches on the page, without all those pesky "actors" messing it up, you can check out my sketch scripts. Please don't steal them, though (or if you do, give me proper credit).

For a tour of some of the dumbest things I've ever written, check out comedy gibberish. It's like a comedian's notebook full of half-formed nonsense. Then again, sometimes the goofiest stuff gets the biggest laughs.

Or, if you don't have time for all that, you could check out my favorite posts. I'll try and point you to the funny stuff. Of course, your sense of humor might be different than mine, but if that's true, you probably wouldn't enjoy this site anyway.

Finally, a way to conveniently avoid reading parts of my blog that you don't care about! I'm always looking for new and more efficient ways for my readers to ignore me. I hope this helps.

*Sara Schaefer and Elliott Kalan are currently neck-and-neck for most mentions, at 48 each. Fight, fight, fight for my love!

**Yeah, I know WU jokes aren't really the same as monologue stuff, but it's a similar sort of current-events humor, and I had to tag it as something. Back off, imaginary objector.

Metapost: New Addition to Sidebar

Notice anything different in the sidebar? No. Why would you? Who in their right mind would pay enough attention to something like that?

I'll put you out of your misery-- I've added an "Upcoming Shows" section. When I started this site, the only thing I posted was information about upcoming shows (or places you could read my material, or news, etc.). I wanted it to be a place people could go, if they were curious about what I had going on, so that I wouldn't constantly be irritating everyone via email plugs. What I didn't want it to be was another blog, cluttering up the Internets with unfocused musings or navel-gazing.

However, you may have noticed (again, why would you?) that I've recently loosened things up, and started posting a wider variety of comedy-related things, in the interest of making things around here less killingly boring. I think that's a good thing; but, as a friend pointed out this weekend, it does mean that the shows-- this site's original reason to be-- have gotten a little lost in the shuffle.

So: I'll still post full information about shows in the main body of the site, as information or occasion warrants, but now the key info about upcoming shows will always be only a glance away.

Wow, I sure used a lot of words to say "upcoming shows will now be listed in the sidebar." Writing is editing, my ass.

Fry Her? I Hardly Know... eh, forget it.

So Jest's esteemed editor, Frank Santopadre, arranged for the core writers, designers, and assorted hangers-on to have a little sit-down to talk about the future of Jest as a website. It's not my place to go into any details just yet, but let it be known that I'm excited. What I've seen has a lot of potential, and we could easily reach a much larger audience than ever before. Plus, I'll have a chance to get more material out there (probably on a weekly basis) and that'll be nice.

Anyway, if I can't say anything about Jest, then why am I posting now? Well, the meeting was at the New York Friars Club, and getting to be a guest there was a neat experience. You walk in to the club, and the first thing you see are paintings of Henny Youngman and George Burns, and that kind of says it all. We had a few drinks in the Celebrity Bar (and I saved my Friars Club swizzle sticks as a souvenir). Frank knew all the folks that worked there, and I definitely understood the appeal of belonging to a private club-- it's like stepping into a P.G. Woodehouse story (well, less British, and more showbiz-y, but you know what I mean). After the meeting we had a brief chance to see a little bit of the rest of the club (Frank: Do you want to see the Milton Berle room? Me: Is it as big as I hear?) and it was y'know... cool. Have I made it clear that it was cool? Oh, and we passed Dennis Farina going in, which was a kick. I always enjoy him.

In other news, I have discovered how to access the statistics that track visitors to my site, and have learned some disturbing things:

81.1% of visitors stay for less than 5 seconds.
The second-largest percentage, 8.1%, stay for an hour or more.

I don't know what's more distressing-- that the overwhelming majority can't be bothered to read the site for more than 1/12 of a minute, or that some people are reading what is essentially a collection of self-plugs and calendar dates for hours on end.

Also: many people come to the site because there's a guy at Pixar named Dan McCoy. I've caught his name in Pixar credits before, but didn't guess that he'd accidentally draw people (part of that 81.1-less-than-five-second-percentage, no doubt) to my site. And I guess he'll be drawing more, now that I've used the word Pixar three times. Pixar.

Anyway, if he ever self-googles and reads this site, let it be known that I think you do good work, Pixar-Dan-McCoy. Top notch stuff, really. Fuck Dreamworks.

The most unusual visit came as a result of a search for "nude Kim Cattrall." I can only assume that this is because I made an offhand reference making fun of Mannequin in my TV listings reviewer humor piece. What I find odd, though, is that someone would get here because of that one reference, considering how often Kim Cattrall has taken off her clothes. I mean, starting way back in Porky's, that's pretty much been her M.O., hasn't it? And I don't mean to slam Kim Cattrall. I loathe Sex in the City, but I do think it shows that she's a pretty talented light comic actress. Plus, I'm certainly not against women doing nude scenes. Basically, what I'm saying is that if you're looking for a naked Kim Cattrall through my blog, you're doing things the hard way.

God... again, now I'm going to have more people looking for naked pictures, through my blog. Stupid keywords. Not that I mind the traffic, I just can't bear the thought of disappointing all those poor misguided porn hounds.

Oh well. Keep looking, guys! I'm sure you'll eventually find something to get off to. I have faith in you!

2005

The number of visitors to my blog now equals the current year.

This means that my blog will explode! Please duck and cover.

1978

It's a very special time in a young man's life, when the number of visitors to his blog equal the year he was born.