The Flop House Episode Fifty-Eight is ONLINE!

There are Flop House movies that are actual flops, and then there are huge blockbusters that need the flop treatment. We take a look at one of the latter. Meanwhile, Elliott takes us on a trip through the thesaurus entry for "muscular," Stuart shows his anti-romantic streak, and Dan reveals one of the many ways in which he's like a teenage girl.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 37:36 - Hail, hail, the gang's all here. Which gang? All of the supposedly-full-time Flop House co-hosts! A podcast with all three floppers together comes along once in a blue moon. Or in this case, a new moon. A Twilight: New Moon. ...Remind me never to hire myself as a copywriter.
37:37 - 39:33 - Final judgments
39:34 - 43:31 - The long-awaited WINNERS of the "Give Dan a Hook" contest!
43:32 - 51:19 - The sad bastards recommend.
51:20 - 52:13 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you didn't win the"GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Twilight: New Moon

James Urbaniak for The Devastator

Actor, gadabout, and man of taste and distinction, James Urbaniak, plugs THE DEVASTATOR, a new comedy anthology for which I am a contributor:

The Devastator - A New Quarterly Humor Publication

Hey, everyone - do you want to read a humor piece by me, anthologized among such luminaries as actor James Urbaniak (The Venture Brothers, American Splendor) or cartoonists David Malki! (Wondermark) and R. Sikoryak (Masterpiece Comics)?

Sure you do! Then donate to the project on Kickstarter!

Raisin Hell

Raisins – dried grapes

Craisins – dried cranberries

Crazins – homicidal dried cranberries

Cruisins – dried copies of the Al Pacino film “Cruising”

Musins – dried idle thoughts/ newspaper opinion columns

Mueslisns – especially dry muesli, often made with double-dried raisins, or “draisins”

Boozins – dried Boo-Berry Cereal

Boozyboozins – dried Boo-Berry Cereal served with kahlua instead of milk

Boo-boozyboozins - dried Boo-Berry Cereal served with kahlua instead of milk that’s eaten by Yogi the Bear’s sidekick Boo-Boo

Balooboo-boozyboozins – When Baloo the Bear eats Boo-Boo the bear after he’s eaten dried Boo-Berry Cereal that’s been served with kahlua instead of milk

Balloonbalooboo-boozyboozins – The bloated feeling Baloo the Bear gets after eating Boo-Boo after he’s eaten dried Boo-Berry Cereal that’s been served with kahlua instead of milk

Boobzins – very small breasts

Bruisins – the injuries you get after remarking on a woman’s boobzins

Fumezins – what this bit is currently running on

Loosin – what I’m doing to my audience right now

Amusin – the kind of ending I don’t have for this bit

[Dan throws down smoke bomb and disappears]

Whim Quarterly Issue Two PREVIEW

My piece "On the Economies of Magical Lands" is up on the Whim Quarterly website as a free preview of what one might find within the covers of issue number two.

By all means, enjoy it, but don't let it keep you from buying a copy--especially since it's not the only piece I wrote for this issue. That's always the way it works. Give 'em a taste, but then MAKE 'EM PAY FOR MORE.

The Flop House Episode Fifty-Seven is ONLINE

Elliott and Dan are joined by Eric Zuckerman, an actor who's appeared in many films--including one starring patron saint of flop Gerard Butler--to discuss the slasher film Sorority Row. Meanwhile, in a star-studded podcast, Eric completely fails to give us inside information about Carrie Fisher, Dan is pimped into busting out his Michael Caine impression, and Elliott will not shut up about Anne Hatheway.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introduction and theme
0:37 - 8:10 - Before getting down to business we discuss Stuart's vacation, Dan's nasal surgery, and the acting career of guest host Eric Zuckerman.
8:11 - 39:48 - We talk about Sorority Row, the remake of House on Sorority Row, which, of course, was a remake of Erich Von Stroheim's Greed, based on the novel Push, by Sapphire.
39:49 - 44:17 - Final judgments
44:18 - 52:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:01 - 59:14 - The sad bastards recommend.
59:15 - 59:53 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

VOTE FOR DAN'S HOOK!

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Sorority Row

Whim Quarterly Issue Two Available for Pre-Order

Whim Quarterly is a print humor magazine. Drink in that unlikely sentence. Re-read it. Let it invade your skull. In 2010, a lonely magazine dares to keep the flame of prose humor burning. Don't you want to help support that worthy endeavor? Especially since I write for this particular publication? Don't you love me anymore?

The second issue is available for pre-order now. It's lighter and more bendy than a Kindle. Why not order one and remind yourself just how magical a paper cut can be?




















In the words of the publishers -- "Whim Quarterly is a magazine printed on actual, flammable paper. Its contributors are mainly underemployed writers, though some have chiseled their way into positions at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and other humor institutions. Taken as a single entity, Whim contributors would have 36 eyes, three Emmy Awards and a soul-crushing amount of personal debt. Treat yourself. Order a copy!"

Those E-Mail Forwards? I've Become One

Hey, my article is climbing the charts over at Slate.com--




















If you haven't read it yet, take a look.

Humor Piece at Slate.com

I wrote a humor essay for Slate that was published today. Give it a read, why don't you? And if you like it, pass it on. You will be rewarded in some vague way that you can't prove wasn't linked to your favor to me. That's the beauty of karma.

The Flop House: Episode #56 - Whiteout

Tomorrow, celebrate cinematic excellence at The Oscars, but today, celebrate cinematic feculence with our discussion of Whiteout. Meanwhile, Dan gets a strong hook contender, Elliott demonstrates his punning prowess, and Amanda tells the world's best talking doll story.

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme
0:31 - 5:00 - We reintroduce guest co-host Amanda Melson, and spend nearly five full minutes reminiscing about the New York comedy scene in a way that's almost completely alienating to outsiders.
5:01 - 39:12 - You know your movie's in trouble when even an ice ax-wielding killer and Kate Beckinsale in her underwear can't generate any excitement
39:13 - 43:10 - Final judgments
43:11 - 48:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
48:01 - 53:48 - The sad bastards recommend.
53:49 - 54:52 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Whiteout

I Live Blog the Oscars for the Writer's Guild at FireDogLake

I have been asked by the Writer's Guild to join a group of far more distinguished writers than myself in live blogging the Academy Awards this Sunday evening. You can follow it on the "La Figa" blog on the FireDogLake site.

So if you have no Oscar party to attend, but still want to feel like you're watching the show with friends--then have I got the Internet-based event for you. I quote the press release:

Writers Guild of America, East's TV/Comedy Writers liveblog the Oscars on FireDogLake.com

Emmy winners and nominees are at your service!

Past and present writers from Letterman, Politically Incorrect, Best Week Ever, The Chris Rock Show, and other comedy and even news shows are liveblogging the Oscars at top progressive blog FireDogLake.com. TV's funniest and/or smartest programming is written by Writers Guild members so you know this will be an irreverent but industry smart take on the Oscars.

Writers Guild members live blogging are:

Michael Winship, WGAE President and senior writer on Bill Moyers Journal

Fred Graver, Emmy Winner and founder of iLarious, Creator of VH1's Best Week Ever, former Letterman, In Living Color & pretty much everything else you've ever seen.

John Marshall, Emmy nominated writer from The Chris Rock Show, Politically Incorrect, The Electric Company

Caissie St.Onge, Best Week Ever, The Rosie O'Donnell Show

Justin DiLauro, CBS News Promo writer (and master of brevity)

Bonnie Datt, The Confirmed Bachelors and fashion blogger for Racked.com.

Dan McCoy, 9am Meeting, two time Channey Award winner shown on Channel 101 New York

Dan McNamara, The Bear, The Cloud and God seen on Comedy Central and Atom.com and "Amazing The Lion" on the Independent Comedy Network

Timothy Michael Cooper, Concierge: The Series

and WGAE Executive Director Lowell Peterson (who's much funnier than a union leader needs to be).

The Writers Guild of America, East is doing this because 1. it's going to be entertaining and 2. to bring attention to the fact that the best writing for TV, film, radio and webseries is done by UNION members.

Join us starting at 6pm est. We’ll be covering the Oscars from the Red Carpet to the credits.

Flop House Movie Minute #35 - Best Picture Decimal System

TEN BEST PICTURE NOMINEES? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!

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Stryker File Set Photos

Who doesn't love to look at promotional set photos for video shoots? Especially when those photos are filled with non-celebrities? Huh? WHO DOESN'T LOVE THAT? Check out these behind the scenes pictures of my guest appearance on Escape Pod Films' episode of The Stryker Files, "Drugs."


By the way: if you watch the episode, it looks like I'm looking completely past Chris when I'm supposed to be having a conversation with him... well, that's because that's where the director told me my eye-line was. Are you trying to make a fool of me, Jeremy? WELL I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL.

The Flop House Episode Fifty-Five is ONLINE!

Repeat Flop House offenders Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl team up in The Ugly Truth, a terrible romantic comedy that Stuart really, really wanted us to watch for some reason. Maybe because he's just an ol' softie! Meanwhile, Elliott pitches his new hit tragicomedy "Bad Date," Stuart reveals his NBC sitcom holodeck fantasy, and Dan uses the word "whack" as in "out of whack" but is still mercilessly made fun of by his co-hosts as if he was trying to get gangsta.

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme
0:31 - 3:35 - Stuart wastes all of our time by discussing his upcoming 30th birthday.
3:36 - 34:25 - If your criteria for a romantic comedy is that it specifically contains the words "the" and "truth," and has a negative descriptor in the middle, may we suggest The Awful Truth, starring Cary Grant?
34:26 - 40:31 - Final judgments All three: bad bad
40:32 - 50:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
50:01 - 51:14 - An explanation of the new Movie Minute policy.
51:15 - 56:31 - The sad bastards recommend.
56:32 - 58:30 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

Press the play button above to listen to this episode
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Paste theflophouse.libsyn.com/rss into iTunes (or your favorite podcatching software) to have new episodes of The Flop House delivered to you directly, as they're released.










Wikipedia synopsis of The Ugly Truth

Here's Stuart, so happy that The Ugly Truth is over that he's doing a dance to the credits music:

New Mr Whitepants Video - Fantasy Closet!

Fantasy Closet - watch more funny videos

Starring Meghan O'Neill, Roy Koshy, Matt Koff, and Dan McCoy
Directed and edited by John Kingman
Written by Dan McCoy
Music by Jordan Cooper
Voiceover by Dan McCoy
Produced by Mr. Whitepants

Episode Four of 9 AM Meeting, Plus a Bonus Guest Video!

9 AM Meeting extended its streak, coming in first at Channel 101 NY last night. Check out the new episode, and then go to our official site to see what you may have missed.



Also, the guys at Escape Pod Films were good enough to invite us to be guest stars on episode three of The Stryker Files (#2 at Channel 101). It was nice to step out from behind our cartoon faces for a while. See us in (live) action here:

9 AM Meeting Episode Four Debuts at Channel 101 TONIGHT!

Looking for a cool reason to brave the snow? Come to 92 Y Tribeca and vote to keep 9 AM Meeting on Channel 101. There's a great slate of shows this month, and I'll actually be appearing as a non-cartoon-actor in another show: The Stryker Files. It's a lot of fun for only $6.

I'll Bet You Didn't Know I Was a Supporting Snork

The Flop House Episode Fifty-Four is ONLINE

Don't hate the player; hate the game. On second thought, hate the Gamer. Meanwhile, Dan laments the downfall of the previously-dependable entertaining-trash team of Neveldine/Taylor, Matt finds his new super-muscular bête noir, and Elliott comes up with a much wackier way to end an already wacky movie.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introductions and Theme
0:37 - 33:42- We welcome Matt Koff, our second guest host of a still-young 2010, and we introduce him to a rising star named Gerard Butler, in a little film called Gamer.
33:43 - 37:57 - Final Judgments (Dan: almost-good/bad bad, Elliott: bad bad, Matt: bad bad bad)
37:58 - 48:38- A very navel-gazing movie mailbag.
38:39 - 51:47 - Two out of three sad bastards recommending aint' bad.
51:48 - 52:37 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Gamer

The Return of Gchat Theater

What do comedy writers do with their day? They spend most if it irritating each other with deliberately bad jokes. To wit:

Matt: I hear it's restaurant week.

me: I hear it's BREASTaurant week.

Hubba hubba!

Matt: You don't hear that.

You just wanted to type "breast."

me: BREASTaurant

Soooo... what's in the news.

Everyone's going crazy for this new Apple iPad!

Matt: why

why are you doing this

me: I say that pad's not going to absorb any menstrual blood.

Not worth it.

Matt: where's my whiskey...

me: Obama's doing a spending freeze.

Have a heart Mr. President.

Matt: can't... take... much... more

me: It's January!

Send your money to Miami!

Matt: the voices

the voices won't leave

me: Seriously though, you've been a terrible audience.

Just awful.

I'm gonna take a break and go to the bar, but I'll be back in 15.

Matt: the blood

the pain

the horror

Be glad I don't have your gmail address.