Thursday, February 08, 2007

In Which I Imagine a Libelous Conversation Involving an American Hero

So, the news channels are all over this Lisa Nowak/ Astronaut attempted murder case, and what I like most about the coverage is that the producers hear "astronaut," and they just drag the most famous astronaut they can snag into the studio, whether or not there's a real reason for them to be there.

Example? I was in a bar on Tuesday, and saw an interviewer talking to Buzz Aldrin about the case. The sound was turned down, so I don't know what they were saying, but I imagine that the conversation went along these lines:

INTERVIEWER: ...So we've got some legal experts to talk about the case, and family members, and Buzz Aldrin is here to... why are you here Mr. Aldrin?

ALDRIN: Because I went to the moon! Have I told you the story of how I went to the moon?

INTERVIEWER: Many times, Buzz.

ALDRIN: You better show me more respect, son! I was the first man on the moon!

INTERVIEWER: Wasn't Neil Armstrong the first man on the moon?

ALDRIN: Armstrong! That bastard beat me to the moon! Do you realize the differential in the tail you get, if you're the second man on the moon? It's ridiculous!

INTERVIEWER: Yes, well, can we get back to the Lisa Nowak stor...

ALDRIN: In fact, I think I'll pay a little visit to my dear friend Neil Armstrong RIGHT NOW.

(Picks up BB gun and pepper spray. Leaves the set. Sound of car door slamming. Car pealing away.)

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's the way it went.

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