Bush Beatability

The latest in my continuing series, bringing you old pieces I wrote, is this now-completely-outdated bit of humor. Still, cast your mind back to a magical time when Bush's second term kinda sorta looked like it might not happen and perhaps you'll enjoy this piece, titled:

Bush Beatability

Throughout the Democratic primary season, one concern remained constant—nominating a candidate that could potentially beat Bush. In fact, the question of who might successfully take on the president was brought up so frequently that one might begin to imagine that Bush-beatability was the only factor that mattered (worse yet, one might begin to imagine that “Bush-beatability” is a grammatically correct phrase). In that spirit, we suggest several theoretical Democratic candidates, judged solely by their likelihood of winning an Election Day match-up with George W. Bush.

Mickey Mouse
Vital Statistics: Septuagenarian flagship character for the Walt Disney company. Developed through pioneering animated shorts by Ub Iwerks, including Steamboat Willie, the first sound cartoon. Suddenly developed pupils circa 1940; later years have been spent primarily in Orlando.
Pros: Beloved icon, recognized worldwide.
Cons: Is cartoon mouse.
Likelihood of beating Bush: Popular write-in choice (though many would prefer a Pixar candidacy).

Jesus
Vital Statistics: Famed Bethlehem carpenter/ religious leader.
Pros: Son of God.
Cons: Liable to alienate corporate Republican base with his, “It is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God" stump speech.
Likelihood of beating Bush: America not ready to elect Jewish president.

Tom Hanks
Vital Statistics: One of America’s most popular movie stars, a two-time Oscar winner, considered by many to be the next Jimmy Stewart.
Pros: Experience with The Money Pit taught him fiscal responsibility.
Cons: Gay marriage opponents likely to be distressed by his cross-dressing relationship with Peter Scolari.
Likelihood of beating Bush: Good, but CAA is asking 20 million per term, plus a cut of the back end.

Jimmy Stewart
Vital Statistics: When Jack Warner heard about Reagan’s presidential candidacy, he said, "No. That can't be right. Ronald Reagan for best friend. Jimmy Stewart for president." The day Jack Warner’s endorsement carries no weight is the day America loses its very soul. As for Sam Warner, fuck that jerk.
Pros: “Mr. Stewart Goes to Washington” campaign could be a barn-burner.
Cons: Rotting in the ground.
Likelihood of beating Bush: Stewart is the zombie to beat, as long as he can contain his hunger for human brains.

Beater
Vital Statistics: Employed for hundreds of years by British Royals to walk through woodland areas, beating undergrowth and brush in order to scare pheasants, quail, and other game into the open so that hunters can shoot them. Typically young outdoorsmen, with a good understanding of local wildlife and topography.
Pros: Years of experience beating bushes.
Cons: Unlikely to attract key ASPCA endorsement.
Likelihood of beating Bush: High—but aforementioned bush-beating experience is unlikely to translate effectively to political arena.

William Rouverol
Vital Statistics: Inventor of the punch-card ballot machine.
Pros: If anyone can hack the system, it’s him.
Cons: Voting fraud in a national election is a federal offense tantamount to treason. Plus, have you heard Rouverol’s economic policies? Talk about pie-in-the-sky!
Likelihood of beating Bush: Don’t tempt us.

Variegated Weigela Bush (Weigela florida Variegata)
Vital Statistics: A deciduous flowering shrub with pink blossoms that bloom in Spring and again throughout the summer. Usually grows from four to six feet high, with gray leaves sporting a gold edge and a shiny green center.
Pros: A real hummingbird magnet!
Cons: Native to Florida. Probably won’t flourish in the colder Washington D.C. climate.
Likelihood of beating Bush: The presence of a V. W. Bush next to G. W. Bush on the ballot may confuse some, leading to accidental republican defections. However, the Variegated Weigela is unlikely to lure independent voters.

Hulk Hogan
Vital Statistics: 80’s wrestling icon and the star of “Mr. Nanny.”
Pros: Of all the potential candidates, most likely to utilize the piledriver, clothesline, or half-nelson. Most importantly, our sources tell us that Bush is particularly vulnerable to the Sleeper Cross-Face Half-Nelson with Russian Leg Sweep, especially when followed by the deadly Gutwrench Suplex.
Cons: Bush is surrounded by secret service agents. With guns.
Likelihood of beating Bush: In Rocky III, Hogan played a character named “Thunderlips.” Interpret that as you will.

The American Bald Eagle
Vital Statistics: Haliaeetus leucocephalus. The symbol of America—majestic, imposing, and grand. An emblem of freedom across the land.
Pros: Impressive gravitas.
Cons: Baldness a liability in the television age.
Likelihood of beating Bush: Poor. Most eagles don’t live beyond the age of 30, and the constitution clearly states that the president must be older than 35.

Osama Bin Laden
Vital Statistics: Presumed mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
Pros: Has element of surprise. Candidacy completely unexpected.
Cons: Hated by all.
Likelihood of beating Bush: It depends on the economy.

At Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, Friday, August 19, a copy machine will die.

...And one lucky winner will help kill it!

HELP US DESTROY THE S.S.I.O.W.Y. COPY MACHINE!

This is not the actual SSIOWY copier, but it will serve as an adequate visual aid for those of you who have never seen a copier before.

Why? Because it's huge and doesn't work. Plus, it feels good to destroy something in front of a live audience.

Here's how you enter:Show us why you deserve to destroy the copy machine! Submit your funniest, most outrageous true office story, e-mail, voicemail, powerpoint, fax, object, picture, etc. by Wednesday August 17 at 5 p.m. We will choose finalists who will present their entry on stage!

Our celebrity judge, BRIAN HUSKEY (UCB, Best Week Ever, etc.), will join Sara, the S.S.I.O.W.Y. writers, and the audience in picking the winner.

The winner will not only aid in obliterating the copy machine, but he or she will also choose the background music to which said copier will be annihilated. No doubt, an opportunity of a lifetime.

Submit entries to schaefersara@earthlink.net -- and even if you don't enter the contest, come to the show hungry for toner!

McSweeney's Quarterly Back Issue Order Form

The second in my "archiving old Jest humor pieces series" is perhaps my favorite thing I wrote for that magazine. It's the piece that got me blogged in New Yorkish; the piece that made future fellow-Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You writer Amanda Melson sit up and say, "Who is this Dan McCoy?" and the piece that, when I pressed it into his hands, made former McSweeney's writer Neal Pollack look nonplussed and say, "Yeah, there have been a bunch of McSweeney's parodies."

Ye mighty, gaze upon the...

M c S W E E N E Y ’ S Q U A R T E R L Y
B A C K I S S U E O R D E R F O R M .

----

HOW TO OBTAIN COPIES.

Issue 1
To purchase, please go to a McSweeney’s 100 bookstore near you (a list of participating independent retailers may be found online at Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency). Conversely, you may order a copy online at the aforementioned web site, or send $21.95 to the address listed in the endnotes.

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Issue 2
Issue two has been engraved on card stock, and can be assembled to create scale models, which depict the houses of the authors whose stories may be found within. As the construction of these models is fairly complex, Dave Eggers requests that those wishing to buy issue two write him a personal note, and he will mail them a copy, complete with detailed instructions.

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Issue 3
The third issue was printed entirely on strips of hickory bark, and published in limited numbers. Act soon. Supplies are limited, owing to a particularly cold winter.

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Issue 4
The stories included in issue four are meant to be read while listening to a specially commissioned composition for piano, by Philip Glass, the sheet music for which can be found printed on the inner binding. As the piece demands several difficult fingerings, Mr. Glass insists that he perform it himself. Co-ordinating your schedule with that of Mr. Glass is solely your concern, as is any remuneration he may require.

----

Issue 5
The only existing copy of issue five has been mailed to J.D. Salinger. We encourage those of you who enjoy a challenge to obtain it from him.

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Issue 6
On the coldest night of the year, stand at a crossroads. When the moon just hits the crest of the horizon, put shovel to dirt. At a depth of six spans, less one ell, find an earthen vessel. Smash it quick, and from the shards draw seven splinters, bearing four consonants and three vowels. These letters are a surname, to be confirmed by careful study of the county’s records of birth. If you have followed these directions true, the name shall be revealed to you. The disclosed man is a dwarf. Issue six has been tattooed on his torso. Should you wish to revisit the stories from issue six at a later date, the aforementioned gentleman allows readers to take Polaroids, but color copies are expressly forbidden.

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Issue 7
Go to the lake isle of Innisfree. Sit on its shores. As the season turns, the wind will whisper issue seven into your ears.

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Issue 8
Sit on the fire escape directly across from the McSweeney’s offices on August the 12th, at precisely 8:47 PM. Employing a Nikon camera, equipped with a telephoto lens and high-speed film, take pictures of Rick Moody, Nick Hornby, and Sarah Vowell engaged in an amorous clinch. Blow up the incriminating snaps on 8 1/2 by 11 photo paper, and enclose them in a manila envelope. Compose a threatening epistle, by cutting brightly colored individual letters from popular magazines and assembling them as appropriate. Send the photographs and the letter to us via personal messenger. In return, we will send you issue eight, in a series of plain brown wrappers, bearing non-consecutive serial numbers.

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Issue Q
There is no issue Q.*

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Issue 9
Lead a blameless life. When you die, ascend to heaven, where all the wondrous majesty of issue nine will be made known to you. (Special bonus: Issue nine includes an essay by David Foster Wallace, about ice cream.)

*At least, in this dimension.

Some Old Comedy

Hey. Since the Jest site is being rejiggered, and--at least for now--no longer holds any archived pieces (and a lot of my stuff was never put online in the first place), I'm gonna, over the next couple of days, post some of the things I wrote for them up here.

As far as I've been able to ascertain, I retain the rights to do this (at least with stuff that was published more than six months ago) as long as I make it clear that this material was originally published in Jest. Which it was. Jest, Jest, Jest! Contractual obligation filled! Plus, when the new Jest website is up, I'll let you guys know, and you can see all-new material from yours truly.

But for now, let's start off by revisiting my very first work for that publication, the piece that first brought me to the attention of then-editor Ritch Duncan:

Variations on Four Themes by Shakespeare

Sonnet 18
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
You lack the pungent aroma of barbecue
but are much less likely to cause skin cancer

Shall I compare thee to a blood-fattened tick?
Thou art less likely to give me lyme disease,
but I think your deodorant is giving me a rash

Shall I compère for thee at the open mic night?
Write me some salty dialogue and perhaps I shall.

Shall I compare thee to the most beautiful woman in the world?
Are you sure? Don’t say I didn’t warn thee.

Sonnet 130
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
nor like the moon, neither;
nor like coffee-grounds in their discarded filter.
Also, they do not resemble limpid pools of half-melted butter,
and they are nothing like those of Don Knotts

My mistress’ breasts are not unlike two huge balloons, or perchance two smaller offshoots of a much larger balloon, such as one might find on balloons depicting Mickey Mouse

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun.
They are not a swirling mass of hydrogen and helium;
nor are they 93 million miles away, preferring, as they do, to rest in her eye sockets;
nor by any stretch of the imagination would one call them life-giving,
although they are a nice shade of greeny-gray.

Sonnet 71
No longer mourn for me when I am dead.
Instead, agonize about how you should have been nicer to me when I was alive.

Sonnet 30
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
and I think once more,
I should have made a pass at Sally Ann Chambers that one time in middle school

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past.
Picking up Swann’s Way
I reflect: Seven volumes is too much.
And I wait, in vain,
for the movie

Sara Schaefer Recap Fun

Friday's Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You was one of the best yet, with great office sketches, and an extremely candid interview with Neal Pollack (he even talked about this stuff).

The sketches involved our efforts to start an office newsletter; our break into factions, and the newsletter wars that resulted (with many of us talking in old-timey newspaper voices for no good reason); and the ever-more-absurd competing publications that resulted. We also did mock-ups of the newsletters' covers to project on the back screen during the scenes, and I thought you might enjoy seeing some of those visuals. Here are the two that I put together (the others were done by Sara).





Ah, the hilarity of me in boxers.

Also: Neal Pollack was a great sport, especially when it came to poking fun at himself. He even appeared in the final beat of our office sketches. He was such a good sport that it's worth recapping in full:

After his interview he went backstage with Sara, and an announcer (me) explained that "...they came upon a horrific scene. The office newsletter conflict that had begun 2 sketches ago had erupted into a full-blown war." Through a series of events that would take too long to explain, Sara managed to bring the office back together by singing "Diff'rent Strokes." However, just at the end of the bridge, Neal Pollack came out to release a dove into the air, in a gesture of peace. Unfortunately, the dove is dead and simply falls to the floor. At this point, it's best to just let the script tell the story...

SARA
Oh great, Neal Pollack, way to go. I suppose you'regoing to blame that one on your persona?

EVERYONE
[joining in]
Yeah, good one Neal Pollack! You’re horrible! Neal Pollack is a jerk! Your uin everything! Never mind the Pollacks indeed, sir!

[Just then a voice comes over the PA]

VOICE OF DAVE EGGERS
Hey! Everybody! Calm down.

EVERYONE
Who are you?

DAVE EGGERS
I’m Dave Eggers.

[Everyone gasps]

I just bought this theater to add to my finely honed empire of whimsy. Anyway, you guys, look at yourselves. We need to stop tearing each other down – and come together! Sure, sometimes we get into media wars with people we love and respect, people we owe most of our success to, and sometimes we get into fights with Neal Pollack.

NEAL:
Thanks a lot Eggers!

EGGERS:
That was more whimsy, Neal! Do I need to remind you that I teach children to read?

NEAL:
No, no. (sigh)

EGGERS:
Listen kids, don't let an office newsletter divide you, certainly not when it's printed on such poor quality paper!

NEAL:
He's right, you know.

EGGERS:
Thanks Neal, you're not so bad yourself...

Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world. Yes it does. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

SARA:
Dave Eggers is the best!

EVERYONE
[as they exit]
Yay! Eggers rules! I loved “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius”! I'm going to go buy that book of his that you can't buy in stores!

[Neal Pollack is left alone on stage, with a spotlight on him. The sad music from the end of the Incredible Hulk comes on. He turns, picks up a knapsack, and walks off slowly, pretends to hitchhike. The lights slowly fade to black.]

Ah, poignant and hilarious-- great stuff from Sara and Amanda, who had the biggest hand in writing the final beat (I worked most on the second part... which also went off really well, but I'm not posting the whole show for you suckers. Come to the theater and pay for a ticket).

The Onion, Regarding Tonight's Show

Tonight's Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You is one of the featured weekend events in The Onion's NYC Calendar. I quote, via handily offset text:

Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You: Sara Schaefer, Neal Pollack, The Last Town Chorus, Juvie Hall 8 p.m., $8

Though he recently shook off the heavy, made-up mantle of "Greatest Living American Writer" in an essay in The New York Times Book Review, it's hard to believe that Neal Pollack's "irony years" are over. In fact, Pollack's funny essay inadvertantly started a minor literary catfight with Dave Eggers over using fake quotes in a real article about a fictional persona-- which is basically the equivalent of irony folding in on itself. Here, Pollack will submit to a round of relentless interviewing by comedian Sara Schaefer during her excellent talk-show/ office party hybrid, Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You.

Thanks, The Onion! The last remaining tickets are sure to go fast, after this extra press, so be sure to snag one now if you want to go. And if you want to read more SSIOWY praise, from The Onion and elsewhere, go here.

Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With NEAL POLLACK this Friday the 29th!

That's right, at this week's Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, Sara will be interviewing the most important American author himself, Neal Pollack (former McSweeney's contributor, and the author of The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature and Never Mind the Pollacks). He's sure to delight and amuse with his metafictional hijinx.

The musical guest will be The Last Town Chorus, a lap steel and acoustic guitar duo, with a singer who's been favorably compared to Gillian Welch and Rickie Lee Jones. You can sample their music here. And, as always, you can expect a special Law and Order guest, plus our usual office shenanigans. Last week we broke into an unexpected, highly choreographed, Bollywood dance number. Who knows what might happen this week?

The show is this Friday the 29th at 8 PM, at Juvie Hall . Tickets are $8., and they can be purchased here, via Juvie Hall, or at the door-- but be aware, we do sell out.

You want critical acclaim? Check it:

"A compelling, funny take on the boxed-in conventions of both television and office work."
- The Onion "

Much more fun than anything you'd catch on basic cable."
- Amelia David, Backstage

A TimeOut New York Critic's Pick; Emerging Comics of New York Award Winner; Featured on the New York Post Hot List; more praise here.

Self-Centered

Ah, the latest in my annoying series of posts tracking back blog references to shows I write for/ appear in...

The inimatable Lusty Lady tells of her excursion to July 15th's Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You.

Neal Pollack, SSIOWY's guest for the upcoming July 29 show, announces his appearance on our show over at his blog.

Lastly, Amanda Melson, lovely and talented stand-up/ Sara Schaefer writer recently had a birthday (Happy Birthday!) and restarted her blog. It's a little sparse right now, but it'll grow.

Jest Onward

So, Jest Magazine is no more, at least as a print publication ("What? Didn't it just go national?" Yeah. Such is the tough world of publishing).

However, like a phoenix rising from the etc., Jest will live on. I don't want to spill the details yet, but we're talking all-new daily content, and probably a weekly column from yours truly. Watch this spot for more.

In the meantime, you can still find the last print issue of Jest out there. I've got less material in it than usual, but I'm still in there. On page 19 you can see another in my oh-so-popular (with me) feature "Ways to Make TV More Entertaining." Also, on page 26, you can see my contributions to the "Jest Writers' Summer Reading List."

And, in some sort of bitter symmetry, the last issue is also the first featuring a fan letter for me. I quote the letter, and our editor's response:

-Hi there,
I loved Dan McCoy's "Softcore Porn Awards"
in the May/June issue of Jest (I happen to be
a big fan of Misty Mundae). Will he be doing
more pieces for you guys in future issues?
Lucas A. Matt
Fort Wayne, IN

Hmmn. Hard to say, Luke. Writer/actor/
comedian/sketch player Dan McCoy is a
busy man and a much sought-after talent,
but he did want me to pass along the news
that he'll be appearing in a new Off-
Broadway musical with Mia Farro, Tia
Carrere, Rhea Pearlman, and Pia Zadora,
titled Mia, Tia, Rhea, Pia, and Dan.

Break a leg, D!
-Frank

As I have a good friend who hails from Fort Wayne, and a low sense of self-worth, my immediate thought was that this "fan letter" was my friend screwing with me. However, despite having two first names, Lucas A. Matt appears to be genuine. And if he's anything like me, he spends endless hours on the Internet at work, googling himself. So perhaps someday he'll stumble across this entry and confirm his existence. In the meanwhile, Lucas and others, with any luck my contributions to Jest won't die along with the ink-and-paper magazine. Stay tuned.

Monday Morning Hangover

Good show last night. I particularly liked two sketches, one by Andres Du Bouchet, the full text of which you can read online (I got to play the Doctor), and one by my old friend and former Robotski member Federico Hatoum, about a couple of gentle mobsters (while 'terrorizing' a couple for their protection money: "It would be a real shame if a meteor crashed into the Earth, ending all mammalian life... That's not a threat; it's just something I worry about.") And Laura contributed a delightful visit from Carob Carl for the news segment, wherein the creepy Willy Wonka-like owner of a Carob factory dropped by, despondent over the unpleasantness of his chocolate substitute.

I contributed the closer for the evening, "Weekend at Rehnquist's" wherein Minority Leader Harry Reid and late-80's actor Andrew McCarthy find the chief justice passed away, and (fearing two Bush appointees) they rig up a pulley system so he can give a straight vote by show of hands on the issues of "abortion, stem cell research, and affirmative action, in an unprecedented three-for-one decision." It ended with the voodoo-cursed, Hawaiian shirt-wearing corpse of Rehnquist leading the full cast in a conga line around the stage. People seemed to like it-- some stuff got a huge response.

As is my (new) wont, here are a couple of my jokes from the newsdesk:

According to a poll, the Disney character consumers relate to the most is Goofy, winning out over Mickey, Donald, and others. You know, when asked what makes America so great, I can’t help but think of that majority, who willfully identified themselves as being most similar to a retarded dog-man.

Willie Nelson released a reggae album called "Countryman," on Tuesday. Willie Nelson AND reggae? I think High Times just found its Album of the Year.

Random Friday Round-Up

I'd celebrate my site counter approaching 1,000, but I realize that, realistically, most of those visits were probably from me.

Hey, did you see Brian Stack kill as the Travelling Salesman on Conan O'Brian last night? If you did, come by Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You tonight, and see him be funny in a whole different context. If not, come by to see what the hell I'm talking about.

The lovely and talented Christina Casa has added a link to this site to her own Internet home.I quote:

"He's smart, he's cute, he's funny- he's married!* - http://danmccoy.blogspot.com - Dan's the man. The funny man.
*murphy's law "

Aw. I am indeed quite married, happily so. Yet I'm a big enough sucker for complements that flattery will always earn you a reciprocal link on my page.

Here's a tip: listening to Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine" on headphones while walking past Grand Central Station during rush hour will make you feel like you're in a montage from a 1980's "making it in the big city" movie (i.e. The Secret of My Success, etc.).

So if that's a feeling you ever want to have... y'know. You know what to do.

Letterman Should Be Calling Any Day.

As we all know, the top talk shows hire comedy writers to work on their opening monologues by perusing Newsday's "Punchlines" column. Am I right? Right?



Guys?

.
.
.

No? Well, even so, it was nice to see that two of my jokes made it in this week.

Reminders and Revelations

Just a reminder: This Friday the 15th at 8 PM is Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, with Late Night With Conan O'Brian writer Brian Stack and musical guest Oceanographer. Tickets are selling fast, so go get one now. I'll wait here.

In other news, I have discovered that "Semi-Charmed Life," by Third Eye Blind is, in fact, the very same song as "Two Princes," by The Spin Doctors. I expect to be awarded the Nobel Prize for this startling research in a matter of days.

Monday Japery

It's Monday, so here, as promised, are three news jokes.

A Pentagon investigation into complaints that evangelical Christians at the Air Force Academy have bullied Jews found no overt discrimination, but "certainly insensitivity," military officials said Wednesday. Some of the worst examples of this insensitivity included shotgunning the glass of wine left for Elijah; and, of course, the "Spring Swastacular."

Some schools are now offering cash and prizes, including pizza and parking spots, to students who report classmates who carry guns, alcohol, or drugs. Unsurprisingly, several potheads have turned themselves in for pizza.

The American Film Institute released its list of the top-100 movie quotes recently. Taking top honors was the famous line, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," from Gone With the Wind. Good dialogue-- but I, for one, am shocked that they neglected Showgirls' immortal line, "It must be weird, not having anyone cum on you."

Late Breaking News...

We've just added another Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You in July, because we've snagged a guest too good to pass up...

Neil Pollack (literary star, McSweeney's contributor, and author of such books as The Neil Pollack Anthology of American Literature, and Never Mind the Pollacks) will be joining us on Friday the 29th at 8 PM, at Juvie Hall theater, for assorted varieties of fun and general hilarity.

And as long as we're on the subject of McSweeney's, you might enjoy this old humor piece from Jest Magazine, in which I poke gentle fun at that publication. Back when it came out, it got me blogged in New Yorkish.

Update! SSIOWY Guest for the 15th!

The new guest for the second Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You taping show will be Brian Stack.

Brian's one of Late Night With Conan O'Brian's top writers, but viewers will be most familiar with him from the several characters he plays on the show. His most well-known is probably Frankenstein, of "Frankenstein Wastes a Minute of Our Time," but my favorite character of his-- and one of my favorite reoccuring bits on the show-- is Hannigan the Travelling Salesman.

"So it's jokes you want, eh? Well how about this little number, from Gagco..."

Yeah, I Had a Birthday... JEALOUS?

My birthday celebration was on June 18 (my real b-day was the 19th, but y'know... that was a Sunday).

There was much hubbub, hullaballoo, and folderal. There have even been reports of isolated gamboling, but those are, as yet, unconfirmed.

Anyway, many comedy folks were in attendance, as well as some non-comedy folks (I do have normal friends, you know). However, since this is my comedy blog, I'll stick to embarrassing those people.



My cake... apparently people were under the impression that they were attending Larry Flynt's birthday. And what's with the nipple next to the 2? It seems to be migrating off the breast. Perhaps it has dreams of becoming someone else's third nipple.



Why, it's Juvie Hall impresario and Back Stage 2005 Comedy Best Bet, Erik Marcisack, looking at the camera as if to say, "I came all the way out to Brooklyn, and all I got was this Coors Light t-shirt?"



Hey, who let our tech guy Joe out of the booth? Someone get the cattle prod.



My college friend Liz (actress extraordinaire and SNR special guest) and I are dancing so hard that we've thrown the picture out of focus.



"In Which Comedian and Writer Ritch Duncan and I Gesticulate Wildly"

And now, the most scandalous pictures of all. (The bidding starts now, US Weekly!) How do the host of Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, and SSIOWY staff writer Dan McCoy unwind after their triumphant Lisa Loeb/ Chris Genoa show?



...by drinking some kind of fruit-flavored booze out of an enormous goblet.



Whoa! Slow down there, TV's Sara Schaefer!



DAMN YOU, SCHAEFER!!!!!

Mr. Big Shot

Say... was that Juvie Hall mainstay Eric Zuckerman in Steven Spielberg's big summer blockbuster War of the Worlds?



Why yes. Yes it was!

SSIOWY in July!

The second of our two "taping shows" in July is on Friday the 15th at 8 PM, at Juvie Hall . Tickets are $8. Sadly, Ed Helms, The Daily Show correspondant, who was to be our guest, had to cancel due to unforseen circumstances (although we may have him back in the future). But not to fear; Sara has some exciting replacement guests in the pipeline just waiting for confirmation, so check out her site regularly to find out who Sara's obsessed with this month. And Ed may not be able to make it, but musical guest Oceanographer will still be there, described by The Dallas Observer as, "A sweet-and-low soundtrack for filling ashtrays and emptying wine bottles."

Our previous taping show was a big success. You can read discussions of it online here and here. The sold-out crowd seemed to enjoy Sara's time-travelling office adventures, novelist Chris Genoa's ape-like behavior, and (especially) Lisa Loeb who sang three songs (including, yes, Stay). Lisa's voice is even more beautiful and her glasses more adorable in person, and we couldn't have been happier to have her come by.

Which one is Lisa and which one is Sara? Only their optometrist knows for sure.

Oh, and a lot of friends have asked whether I perform in Sara's show or just write for it. I suppose I should be more clear. I do both. My primary responsibility is the writing (I am one of five writers, along with Kara Lee Burk, Amanda Melson, Patrick Stubbins, and Sara herself). I do appear in the shows, however, much as the writers for TV talk shows like Conan O'Brian's show up in bits and sketches. The conceit of Sara's show is that she's doing it from her day job-- the cubicle she works at in a financial office. The writers play her co-workers, which are basically just comedy versions of ourselves-- using our own names, clothes, shameful sexual secrets, etc.-- but ourselves as if we worked with Sara. In some ways, the show is less reliant on traditional talk show "bits" and more like a mash-up of an absurdist meta sitcom (like "It's Gary Shandling's Show," or something similar) and a talk show. Often there's a complete storyline that takes us through the show's more traditional monologue, interviews, and musical guest. That being said, the show's focus is definitely on Sara, which is as it should be, seeing as she's both eponymous and titular. Every episode of SSIOWY comes complete with 100% more Sara Schaefer. You can buy tickets for Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You here or via Juvie Hall .

You want critical acclaim? Both of these shows have been getting great press from all over the place. Check it:

Praise for Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You:

"A compelling, funny take on the boxed-in conventions of both television and office work."

- The Onion

"Much more fun than anything you'd catch on basic cable."

- Amelia David, Backstage

"Her hyper-kinetic routine is what makes her endearing, honest."

-Lionel Beehner, The New York Press

"Sara Schaefer's show is charming, funny, sweet, and nutty. Just like her."

- Jonathan Ames, author of What's Not to Love? and Wake Up, Sir!

"Her show is cooler than any daytime talk show you'll ever see."

- Rachel Kramer Bussel, The Gothamist

A TimeOut New York Critic's Pick

Emerging Comics of New York Award Winner

New York Post Hot List

In Which Dan Announces the New Issue of Ducts, and Plugs Someone Else's Show

I hope everyone had a good Independence Day, and celebrated by telling the corpse of George III exactly where he could stick it.

The new issue of Ducts, the webzine for which I am "Humor Editor," is now online. I put humor editor in quotes, because working for Ducts is an approximately one hour a month job, sorting through and soliciting submissions via email, and choosing which ones go up on the site. And for that, I get to be called Editor. What a marvelous country we live in. There should be a holiday celebrating it-- perhaps in early July somewhere.

I'd like to call extra attention to this piece by my good friend and former editor of Jest Magazine, Ritch Duncan. Also, I'd like to direct you to my own contribution to this issue. It's my shortest one yet! Hooray!

Why so short, Dan? Well, maybe it's because I was working on many of the illustrations that adorn the issue, illustrations that undoubtably would've looked a lot better had I been paid more. Publisher, take note.

Oh, and I don't usually mention other people's stuff (they have their own damn blogs: see my links for reference), but if you get a chance you should stop by Elliott Kalan's show, The Midnight Kalan, at Juvie Hall. Sure it's on alternate Fridays at Midnight, which makes it hard to catch, but the $3 ticket price includes a delicious slice of pizza, and it's the best and wackiest unscripted live talk show in New York... and I'm not just saying this because I had the honor of playing the part of "drunk Sara Schaefer, audience heckler" at the last performance, despite not having Sara's gams. (For a description of episode eight, the first Midnight Kalan I had the honor of seeing, read The Midnight Blog.)