Whim Quarterly Issue Four (and a half) is AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER

It's been a while since there's been an issue of Whim Quarterly, the humor magazine printed on actual, flammable, paper. Why? BECAUSE THE LATEST ISSUE IS AN INCREDIBLE DOUBLE ISSUE OMGROFLFUCKUBYOB!

Buy an issue HERE. They're sure to sell like hotcakes would in an alternate universe where hotcakes are very popular.

Whim Quarterly #3 Coming Soon!

The third issue of NYC's best printed-on-actual-paper humor magazine (dubbed "the choleric issue") is about to drop, and -- as always -- it features a contribution from yours truly. Start doing your core-strengthening laughing exercises now.

Water Recycling

In honor of this weekend's release of M. Night Shymalan's Lady in the Water, I direct you to my previously-mentioned humor piece, M. Night Shymalan's Modern Library.

Thank you, M. Night, for making us laugh at falling in love... again.




















Paul Giamatti and Bryce Dallas Howard hide from water-allergic aliens.

Prose Piece Pleasantry

Check out this piece I wrote, M. Night Shyamalan's Modern Library, over at the webzine Ducts.org.

The New Issue of Ducts is Online

The new issue of Ducts.org, the literary webzine edited by my friend and former comedy-team-mate, Jonathan Kravetz is now online. I edit the humor section, and would like to draw your attention, in particular, to the "Tribute to Spam," by the inimitable Andres Du Bouchet (of Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There Is a Game); "Movin' Out: The Rough Draft," by my partner in crime Rob Bates; and my own contribution, "Class Notes."

Also, if you poke around the rest of the 'zine, you can see illustrations by yours truly, that run the gamut from competent to passable. Yay!

Jest Alert

I've got a new piece up at Jest.com. Read it here.

Oh, The Things That I've Written!

My 2nd "Can't Miss Movie Pitch" column is up at Jest.com. Read it, if time weighs heavy on your hands.

Jest.com is Officially Up

Although again, this isn't so much news since The Apiary mentioned our soft launch over two weeks ago (damn you, The Apiary, and your tireless Internet comedy journalism!), the new Jest.com is officially up and running. Our soft launch has gotten hard, if you will.

I didn't want to mention it here before it was time, but our esteemed editor Frank Santopadre just removed our gag order. So here it is! Now those pining for the late, lamented Jest Magazine can get much the same thing in a much less respected format. (Suggested slogan: "It's On the Internet. You Know, Where Anyone Can Get Published!") On the other hand, now you can finally read it at work, without having to hide it inside a bulky three-ring binder, plus my friends from all across the country can see it for the first time.

I have a few pieces up there already. Check out my "Highlights From the 1st Annual Soft-Core Porn Awards." Or look at the first installment of what will theoretically be a weekly column, "Can't Miss Movie Pitches." ('Theoretically' in the sense that it will likely continue until I, or you, get tired of it.)

Plus my status has been bumped up from "regular contributor" to the much more exciting "regular contributor with a silly picture on the website." I still get paid the same per-piece rate, though. So start buying Jest merchandise, so we can shamelessly dilute the integrity of the product and begin getting rich off this thing.

In conclusion, Jest.com is one of the few places that pays me to write. Granted, they don't pay much, but their intentions are good. Please: support me by supporting them. If you continue to support such endeavors, then perhaps together we can eventually create a better world, where I don't have a shitty day job.

Letterman Should Be Calling Any Day.

As we all know, the top talk shows hire comedy writers to work on their opening monologues by perusing Newsday's "Punchlines" column. Am I right? Right?



Guys?

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No? Well, even so, it was nice to see that two of my jokes made it in this week.

In Which Dan Announces the New Issue of Ducts, and Plugs Someone Else's Show

I hope everyone had a good Independence Day, and celebrated by telling the corpse of George III exactly where he could stick it.

The new issue of Ducts, the webzine for which I am "Humor Editor," is now online. I put humor editor in quotes, because working for Ducts is an approximately one hour a month job, sorting through and soliciting submissions via email, and choosing which ones go up on the site. And for that, I get to be called Editor. What a marvelous country we live in. There should be a holiday celebrating it-- perhaps in early July somewhere.

I'd like to call extra attention to this piece by my good friend and former editor of Jest Magazine, Ritch Duncan. Also, I'd like to direct you to my own contribution to this issue. It's my shortest one yet! Hooray!

Why so short, Dan? Well, maybe it's because I was working on many of the illustrations that adorn the issue, illustrations that undoubtably would've looked a lot better had I been paid more. Publisher, take note.

Oh, and I don't usually mention other people's stuff (they have their own damn blogs: see my links for reference), but if you get a chance you should stop by Elliott Kalan's show, The Midnight Kalan, at Juvie Hall. Sure it's on alternate Fridays at Midnight, which makes it hard to catch, but the $3 ticket price includes a delicious slice of pizza, and it's the best and wackiest unscripted live talk show in New York... and I'm not just saying this because I had the honor of playing the part of "drunk Sara Schaefer, audience heckler" at the last performance, despite not having Sara's gams. (For a description of episode eight, the first Midnight Kalan I had the honor of seeing, read The Midnight Blog.)

Dan in the New Issue of Jest - PLUS: Jest Goes National

The May/ June issue of Jest Magazine has hit the streets, and I''ve got two pieces in it. The first is a short piece, called "Ways To Make TV More Entertaining," on page 18, and the second is titled "Highlights from the 1st Annual Softcore Porn Awards (AKA 'The Softies')" on page 41. That piece is also highlighted on the cover, proving either that (A.) it was one of the editor's favorites, or (B.) any mention of porn sells.



Also, starting with this issue, Jest has become a pay magazine ($3.99 on the newsstand, or $18.00 for a 1 year/ 6 issue subscription-- although for a limited time you can go to Jest.com, click the subscribe button, and enter the code: "cheap jester" to get a subscription for only $9.95). Plus, starting with this issue, Jest has gone national, with issues being available in 60 U.S. cities.

You can read Jest editor Frank Santopadre's thoughts on the recent changes here, and you can also see a few pieces from the current issue online (although not, unfortunately, either of mine).

Next week I'm going to a launch party for the national version of the magazine, complete with (according to the invitation), "a DJ, models, open bar, and an ice sculpture." I have it on good authority that the ice sculpture is of Michael Jackson with boys' underwear over his mouth. This is a K-L-A-S-S-Y rag I write for!

Jest Magazine

The new issue of Jest is out, and I've got two pieces in it: "Jest's Fashion Time Cops" (pg. 22) and "Memos of a Sesame Street Fact Checker" (pg. 57).

You can check out some of the pieces from the new issue (unfortunately not mine) at http://www.jest.com, which also lists several locations in NYC where you can pick up the full print version.

The Humor Editor is IN

I am the humor editor for http://www.ducts.org. You should check it out.

I also did many of the illustrations, although some (for "The Clock on the Wall" and "Thousand Mile Stare") are erroneously credited to the other illustrator. Ah well. Glory is fleeting.