Halloween Video Cavalcade!

I used to be part of a monthly talk show called "The Primetime Kalan," with my friends Elliott and Erik. Last year around this time, we had our Halloween show, which we hosted as "Ghost Hunting Club of New York," three paranormal scholars who went to various locations in the NY area, trying to catch a ghost. (A side note: our guest for that show was The Daily Show's Dan Bakkedahl, who showed up in a helmet and knee pads, claiming that he thought we were the "Go Stunting" club.)

Anyway, it's taken a year for them to show up online, but here, for the very first time, are the Primetime Kalan Ghost Hunting Videos! (Cinematography courtesy of Brock Mahan)

Video One: "Grant's Tomb" - by Elliott Kalan



Video Two: "The Jersey Devil" - by Dan McCoy



Video Three: "The Yeti of Williamsburg" by Erik Marcisak



And, as a special bonus, I offer this fourth video. It was done by Elliott, Erik, and former show director-turned-Flavor-of-Love-editor Joe Guercio long before I was involved with the Kalan show. Still, you can see that this video share many of the same themes from the ghost hunting shorts (for instance, the conviction that pipes, 80's-style montages, and Photoshop are the tickets to comedy success), proving that it was inevitable that I'd join the group eventually.

Just one bit of background: R2-D2 was Elliott's "co-host" on his show, until they decided to abandon that bit. This video was produced to explain his absence from the show, but you don't really need to know that to enjoy the video, other than one or two stray comments.

WARNING: Do not watch if you are sensitive to violence against robots

"The End of R2-D2"

In Which I Bring You Two Bits of Joy, to Improve Your Monday

I think it should be clear, by now, that I enjoy bad movies. However, my enjoyment is not restricted to podcasting about them. Sometimes I just like to get together with my friends Elliott and Erik and watch one.

Well, recently we watched a little film called Hard Rock Zombies, and there was one particular element of the movie that Erik thought needed to be on YouTube, copyright be damned!

And if that doesn't make you happy, then how about...
.
.
.
.



















CAT HIGH FIVE!!!?

CAPTAINS IN SPACE EPISODE SIX!

Sure it's been a while. Okay, 11 months to be exact. I could explain why it took so long for the newest episode to come out... but, honestly, it's boring. Wouldn't you rather be using that valuable time watching the latest episode of Captains in Space? Just think of us as if we're a BBC show or something, where you're lucky if you even get six episodes total.

The latest episode, Beauty, is our biggest and most complex yet, with seven speaking parts, and the cutting-edge Lost in Space-quality special effects you've come to expect from Captains in Space.

Download the high-quality video file here, or subscribe to the iTunes podcast feed to have it delivered to your computer to import to your video iPod. (Ooh! Portable! Show it to all your friends!)

Or, if you like your video fuzzy and blurred, click on the YouTube version below.



Captains in Space: Beauty

Episode Written by: Matt Koff
Additional Material by: The Captains in Space writing staff

Director/ Cinematography/ Audio: Brad Bergbom
Producer/ Assistant Director/ Editor/ Special Effects: Fed Hatoum
3D Modeling: Winston Johnson
Head Writer: Dan McCoy
Writing Staff: Matt Koff, Fed Hatoum, Andrew Dickerson
Writing Consultants: Erik Marcisak, Adam Walden

Cast:
Captain Fed - Fed Hatoum
Captain Adam - Adam Walden
Frankie - Vedette Lim
Robo-Dan - Dan McCoy
Cosmonaut One - Brock Mahan
Cosmonaut Two - Elliott Kalan
??? - Matt Koff

In Which I Post a Gmail Chat Transcript Which Illustrates Just How Irritating I Can Be

me: 1:28 PM HEAT ADVISORY

HEAT ADVISORY

Let me give you a little heat advice.

It's hot out.

HEAT ADVISORY!

Matt: ... thanks.

1:29 PM me: HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?!?

1:30 PM Matt: Are you okay?

Maybe you're dehydrated.

me: A thought.

1:31 PM I met Erik to give him back some video games and get some tacos...

And

lo and behold

NO TACOS

Matt: Why not

me: The stand... was GONE.

Also, Erik was late.

Matt: Wow.

1:32 PM me: Don't worry.

It has a happy ending.

Erik showed up 6 minutes later, and I gave him the video games.

And I went elsewhere...

to get...

a BURRITO.

1:33 PM I'm thinking of making it into a movie.

1:35 PM The Day the Taco Was a Burrito

Or

The Burritoening

Or

Where's Erik? AND MY TACOS?

1:36 PM Or

Matt: As a friend

me: Pride and Prejudice

Matt: I'm telling you

stop now

me: Stop pre-production on said film?

Or stop bugging you?

1:37 PM Matt: Well, ideally, both.

For, neither will end well.

me: >sigh<

Well, see you later.

1:38 PM Matt: Vaya con dios.

NEW SHOW ALERT!

I've not been doing a lot of live comedy for a while, partly because I've been working on a screenplay (sure to remain unpurchased and unproduced), and partly because a few long-running projects I was a part of came to an end, and I never took the initiative to come up with replacements.

However, starting in May, I'll be part of a regular show again. And, based on the concept and the other people involved, I'm very excited.

Every Monday, starting on May 21st (skipping May 28th, Memorial Day) I'll be doing a new show called The 8-Track, at 49 Bleecker St., between Lafayette and Mulberry (formerly the Culture Project theater). It will consist of 8 musical performances and 8 comedy performances woven seamlessly into one another, much like a DJ set, or a mix tape. The show will be all-new every week, and each show will feature a guest host and guest musicians, in addition to the usual sketch performers.

The show is produced by Chris "Shockwave" Sullivan, of the improv hip-hop group Freestyle Love Supreme, which has been featured at the Aspen Comedy Festival and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The head writer is Erik Marcisak, named a Back Stage Comedy Best Bet in 2006 and the former manager of Juvie Hall, an Emerging Comics of New York winner for Best Venue in 2005. The director (at least for the first several shows-- this will likely rotate) will be A.J. Morales, winner of the ECNY award for Best Director in 2005, and the founder/director of The Wicked Wicked Hammerkatz which also won a ECNY award, was a Del Close Marathon selection, etc. etc. etc.

These are good folks.

My place in the show will primarily be on the writer's side, but I should also be appearing as a performer for one reoccuring segment.

More than that I cannot say, partly because I don't know how much I should spill at these formative stages (the show will effectively be "in previews" for the summer, as we discover more about the shape it will take and work out the technical niceties), and partly because I don't know much more at this point. But I wanted to let folks know what I could, because I believe this could be something great. I hope you can make it out to see for yourself, and I'll keep you posted as I get more specifc details regarding our debut.

The Primetime Kalan: THE FINAL EPISODE Recap

The final Primetime Kalan was this Saturday past, and I think the occasion warrants a show synopsis.

The audience took their seats to a DVD of the world's worst cartoons, projected on the back wall, and once the (sell out) crowd was settled, things got rolling. Elliott got up and did his monologue, about his recent 25th birthday, and thathis newfound adulthood sadly means that he'll never acquire the label "child prodigy." However, it's the perfect time for a retrospective, so he introduced that evening's show "A Celebration of 25 Years of Kalan."

To help explain why this anniversary show was also the final show, Elliott brought me up to interview him. After some tension, resulting from my no-holds-barred, hardball style (I quizzed him about why he was putting me out of work), he explained that he wanted to end things now so he could go out on top. I disputed his position that doing a show in the basement of an East Village bar was, in fact, going out on top, but Elliott remained unswayed. To my query as to why he refused to sell me the name for $10,000, so I could do "The Primetime McCoy," he said that he felt a spin-off would "weaken the brand," and that it wouldn't serve the core goal of "getting the Kalan name out there." He was firm in his decision to retire to his mansion, play tennis, and contribute the occasional joke to Letterman. When I asked to visit the mansion, he said no.

We then had a video from former Primetime Kalan director (and current assistant on the Flava Flav dating show Flava of Love), Joe Guercio. He wished Elliott a happy birthday, while casually knocking over several videotapes.

This was followed by an audio greeting from Brock Mahan, Elliott's longtime writing partner. He gave Elliott a touching testimonial, taking time out from his busy life of berating a Hawaiian desk clerk for not properly booking the Aloha Suite for himself and "LonelyHousewife69."

It was then time for a look back at Elliott's turbulent life and times. A video montage of scenes from the 80's gave way to the 90's, and then to black and white cartoons and footage of the 1936 Olympics. Finally, the scene shifted to the shooting of JFK, and the eternal flame, ending with a picture of Elliott and the caption "Elliott Kalan, 1981-2006." Elliott objected that the video made it seem like he'd died, but Erik assured him that it was just "in memory" of all the entertainment he's provided, specifically between the years of '81 and '06.

Erik went on to say that there were a few memorial notices from companies whose products Elliott had consumed while alive. Goldfish Crackers sent a notice recognizing Elliott life, and spoke of plans for limited edition Elliott-flavored crackers, "in the shape of all of Elliott's favorite things," including Spider-Man, Frankenstein's monster, and soft-core Cinemax porn. Coca-Cola also sent condolences, quoting Elliott's interview in "Beverage Aficianado Magazine," in which he'd stated his desire to be buried in a casket filled with Coke, and"slowly dissolve into his favorite drink." They also sent a complimentary bottle of Coca-Cola Blak. Lastly, the makers of black t-shirts sent a message saying that "When Elliott stopped wearing black t-shirts with old horror movie posters on them, tucked into black jeans, it stopped being cool."

Then The Daily Show's John Oliver got on stage, to deliver Elliott's eulogy, over Elliott's repeated protests that he was, in fact, still alive ("Please Elliott, this is going to be emotional enough as it is, without you standing there talking.") Oliver spoke about how difficult it was to lose such a man in the same week that we lost Augusto Pinochet, continuing about the parallels between them. He had the audience play a game, in which he invited them to guess whether a given quote was from Kalan or Pinochet. (Surprisingly, "Where's my Woody Allen boxed set" was from Pinochet.) He discussed rumors that Elliott had done marvelous things like invent a new vowel, one that will now be lost to linguistic history. Summing up, he stated that he would always remember Elliott as "A man I met recently, knew for a short bit, and then died."

I had to duck out for holiday-related reasons at this point, but I know that Daily Show writer Scott Jacobson showed up to sing a heartfelt song.

Also, Elliott's son memorialized him, remembering the time his father took an unpaid internship at Dean Witter to become a stockbroker and support his family. "When I felt him hold me in his strong black arms," he said, "and felt his moustache bristling against my forehead, I knew everything would be all right." Elliott was touched, until he realized that it wasn't actually his son, just a guy reading the plot to the hit Will Smith vehicle, The Pursuit of Happyness. Revealed as actor Eric Zuckerman-- best known as "Doomsday Guy" from Stephen Spielberg's War of the Worlds, Eric announced that he would be signing autographs after the show for $5.

Then the show wrapped up with Elliott's traditional Ramble/ Rambo Room and Doogie Howser Computer Journal segments. A fitting end to an always goofy, sometimes great, often poorly-attended show.

However, cry not, because I expect to continue to work with Elliott (pretend estrangement notwithstanding). In fact, I will be appearing on his new East Village Radio show "Fist City" this Thursday the 21st at 9 PM - hopefully just the first of many appearances, that is, unless he gets too big for me, because... (important news to follow in the next paragraph)

...He's gotten a promotion. He's now not a mere Associate Segment Producer on The Daily Show, but a Segment Producer on The Daily Show. Thus, in between buying me drinks and lighting up imported cigars with $100 bills, he can call himself a television producer without the slight twinge of semantic guilt he felt in the past. Congratulations, Elliott! And Happy Birthday!













Elliott Kalan: 1981 - 2006

So Many Memories...

As the seasons change, let's take this opportunity--and my lack of new blog posting material--to look back over some of my late summer/ early fall (at least the comedy related part of it) via photographs. I don't have any available of Zombira, at present, but maybe I'll post those a little later.

And now, courtesy of my wife and her always-photographing ways, here's a little retrospective of the last few months.


Elliott gives one of his always-succinct monologues.


Dan confesses his inadequacies to sexual therapist Elliott, while wearing a funny hat.


Demetri Martin gives my wife the thumbs-up.


Dan and Elliott relax pre-Primetime Kalan by watching the Planet of the Apes cartoon.


The Daily Show's Dan Bakkedahl confuses Elliott Kalan's Ghost Hunting Club for Elia Kazan's "Go Stunting" Club.


Dan and Erik are sheepish about their lack of ghost hunting success.


In a shocking twist ending, the ghost hunters are revealed to be vampires.


Sara Schaefer has a Citizen Kane moment at her AOL "The DL" launch party.


I chat with Sara's Video Gaga co-producer John Kingman, regarding the open bar. This photo is not an endorsement of Stella Artois.


I congratulate Sara on becoming "The Internet's Sara Schaefer."


I am attacked by a bear. Tragically, I did not survive.

Big Weekend: Shows Tonight, Tomorrow, and Saturday!

Hey all. Tonight marks the premiere of Zombira's Scaretaculous Halloween Horrortacular (A Sketch Show). Because tonight's show is "in previews," it will be pay-what-you-like for one night only! Otherwise, tickets are $10 at the door (2-for-1 with a student ID) or $7 via online advance purchase.

The show is running as part of MC2's Big Bang, with This Just In, an improvised show based on the news, Latch-a-Kee, a solo show set at a Native American camp for the arts, and a musical guest (on October 19 and 26 the musical guest will be Erin and her Cello; and on the 20th and 27th, it's Huckleberry Slim, the "Wu-Tang porch band").

Zombira's Scaretaculous Halloween Horrortacular
October 19, 20, 26, & 27, at 8 pm
@ The Sage Theater
235 W. 48th St., Suite 26 B
Manhattan

I wrote 1/3 of the Scaretaculous Horrortacular, and will be acting in it. Woo. You can see it tonight and tomorrow (as well as Thursday and Friday of next week). And I promise that, after that, you'll never again see the graphic below.




Then, on Saturday, you can come see me in The Primetime Kalan, the only show hosted by Daily Show associate producer (and Metro columnist) Elliot Kalan. Written by, and featuring Elliott,
Erik Marcisak, and myself. This episode will feature special guest Dan Bakkadahl, also of The Daily Show, but in that more famous, in-front-of-the-camera way. He'll be sure to get up to some sort of shenanigans, the little scamp.

Also, Saturday's show will be a very special meeting of the Ghost Hunters' Club of New York. We will be presenting video evidence of our recent brushes with the supernatural. Attend only if you dare.

And following the show, stick around. As part of our post-Kalan "Bad Movie Night," we will be screening the classic Feeders 2: Slay Bells, in which the only thing standing between Earth and some bloodthirsty aliens, is a ray-gun toting Santa Claus. Much beer will be drunk and fun will be made. So please, come on out.














The Primetime Kalan
Saturday, October 21, 8:30 pm
@ Jimmy's 43 43
East 7th Street,
Manhattan
Tix: $5

Primetime Kalan TOMORROW!

This Saturday brings with it an all-new edition of The Primetime Kalan, New York's most popular talk/ variety program that's hosted by Elliott Kalan.

Tomorrow's show will be extra-special, because (aside from the usual hi-jinks from Elliott, Erik, and myself) our special guest will be Demetri Martin-- currently best-known for his "Trendspotting" segments on The Daily Show. You can see one such segment here, via Comedy Central's site. Or, for those who prefer hearing with their ears to seeing with their eyes, you can listen to Demetri on NPR.

Aside from the show's Demetriosity, what else is there to recommend it? How about a visit from sexpert Catherine Wing? Everything's better with "sex" as a prefix. Not enough? What if we throw in a video from Elliott and his "Hypocrites" partner Brock Mahan? More? Okay, you've twisted my arm. If you come to the show, you'll also get a free ticket to watch the post-apocalyptic action film Bronx Warriors, along with the wisecracking Kalanites, as part of our inaugural Bad Movie Night.

Sound good? Okay, I'll see you there.

THE PRIMETIME KALAN
Saturday, Sept. 23rd, 8:30pm
@ Jimmy's No. 43
43 East 7th Street
(between 2nd and 3rd avenue)
Manhattan, NY
Tix: only $5!

Oh, and while we're talking about Elliott, go on over and read his most recent column for Metro. It's the free newspaper real New Yorkers read, during that period between when a real homeless person hands it to them, and they get off the subway and toss it in a real New York trash can! For making our subway ride more palatable, we salute you, Metro!

Primetime Kalan Tidbit

For those of you who didn't make it out to the show, here's a bit from Saturday's Primetime Kalan, written by me. It went over fairly well, I think. More importantly, (1.) I got to do a mediocre Columbo impression, and (2.) I wore a trench coat borrowed from The Daily Show. Who knows who else may have worn that same coat? Corddry? Helms? A pre-Colbert-Report Stephen Colbert? Oh the comedy costume magic!

Anyway, here's the sketch:

ELLIOTT
And so if Claudette Colbert and Irene Dunne got into a knife fight, I think it would go a little something like...

DAN has ENTERED , as LIEUTENANT COLUMBO, while Elliott has been talking. He makes his way towards the stage.

COLUMBO
Mr. Kalan! Mr. Kalan!

ELLIOTT
Yes, yes, lieutenant. What are you doing here?

COLUMBO
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just thought of a question I wanted to ask you.

ELLIOTT
Well, what is it Columbo? I'm a very busy man.

COLUMBO
Yes sir, I know; I'm sorry. It's just... you told me that when you found the body, you were alone in the house...

ELLIOTT
Yes, yes! We've been over this before!

COLUMBO
But that's just it, sir. When the sergeant arrived, he said there were two glasses of bourbon on the bar. If you were alone the whole time, why would there have been two there? I just can't figure it out.

ELLIOTT
Well, I think it's clear that I was surprised by finding the body. That sort of thing is a terrible shock. I must have forgotten about my first drink, and poured a new one without realizing it, before I called the police.

COLUMBO
That makes sense. You're probably right, that's probably it. I'm sorry to have bothered you.

ELLIOTT
Not at all, lieutenant, that's what I'm here for.

COLUMBO
(leaving)
Have a good day, sir.
(he stops)
Oh, there's just one more thing, Mr. Kalan.

ELLIOTT
(exploding)
What is it, Lieutenant! Can't you see I'm busy! I'm in the middle of a show here! I must attend to my audience!

COLUMBO
(noticing audience for the first time)
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Please excuse me. The last thing Mrs. Columbo and I would want when we're out on the town, seeing a nice show, is some guy coming in, going on and on. Please forgive me.

ELLIOTT
Never mind about that! What's your question.

COLUMBO
Yessir. It's just... there was lipstick on the second glass. Could you explain that, sir?

ELLIOTT
Well, clearly, in my distressed frame of mind, I must have applied lipstick before pouring and drinking the second glass! It's as clear as day!

COLUMBO
(of course)
That's it. Thank you for helping me figure that out sir. I'm sorry to have bothered you.

ELLIOTT
Not at all. I'll see you later, lieutenant.

COLUMBO
I'm sure you will sir.

Columbo LEAVES through the audience, excusing himself as he passes by each table, in an elaborately and polite, but completely disruptive manner. Elliott fumes.

COLUMBO
Oh, one last thing!

ELLIOTT
(breaking down)
Fine! I'll tell you everything about that horrible horrible night! Anything you want to know! What!? What is it?

COLUMBO
Uh... where's the can?

ELLIOTT
Oh. It's right behind you, lieutenant.

COLUMBO
Thanks.

ELLIOT
As I was saying, Irene Dunne...

ERIK ENTERS as FATHER DOWLING.

FATHER DOWLING
Mr. Kalan, may I have a word with you?

ELLIOTT
Father Dowling!

FATHER DOWLING
Yes, my son. I'd like ask you some questions. There's been a disturbing incident with some poisoned communion wine, and...

ELLIOTT
Uh, Father Dowling, you know I'm Jewish, right?

FATHER DOWLING
You are? Oh. Well. I only solve Christian-themed mysteries. Sorry to have bothered you.

ELLIOTT
Finally, being Jewish pays off somehow. Anyway, as I -

FATHER DOWLING
Just one thing, if I could get serious for a moment.
(addressing the audience)
There's a petition by the door to get The Father Dowling Mysteries released on DVD. If you could just sign it on your way out, that'd be great. We're trying to get fifty thousand signatures, and right now we have... uh, two. So...

ELLIOTT
Thank you, Father Dowling!

FATHER DOWLING
Just a little bit of background on the show...

ELLIOT
Father...

FATHER DOWLING
I'm a priest in Chicago, who solves crimes. I'm assisted in my investigations by a streetwise nun who grew up in a housing project, so she can hotwire cars, and stuff...

ELLIOTT
Please, just...

FATHER DOWLING
...and it ran for three seasons, from 1987 to '91.

ELLIOTT
Father, I...
(then, surprised)
Really? That long?

FATHER DOWLING
Yes.

ELLIOTT
Are you sure it wasn't like two seasons and a Christmas special?

FATHER DOWLING
Three seasons.

ELLIOTT
(still unbelieving)
Okay. Well, anyway, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

FATHER DOWLING
Okay.
(leaving)
Remember, sign that petition! The DVDs will include the lost episode where the streetwise nun and I give into our animal lust and do it missionary-style for the whole hour.

ELLIOTT
That episode doesn't exist.

FATHER DOWLING
It does IN MY MIND!

ELLIOTT
All right! Get out of here!

If you missed this last show, cry not. We'll be doing an all-new show next month-- on September 24 to be exact-- with special guest Demetri Martin. You won't want to miss it.

Plugging Friends

I had nothing to do with this short, but it was done by my friend Erik, so you should take a look. It parodies the Zuiikin English "Spare Me My Life" Japanese language video.

New Primetime Kalan, Coming August 26

Hey, friends. Like I've said before, comedy slows down a bit in the summer, preferring to lie low, rather than risk a melanoma on its fair-skinned underbelly. However, things are starting to pick up again, starting with The Primetime Kalan.

Following our sell-out June show (the first in our new venue), The Primetime Kalan took a short summer break in July; but we're back in full force on August 26! Put it on your calendar now, forgetful ones! I'll probably only mention it three other times before then!

The Primetime Kalan August 26 at 8:30 PM @ Jimmy's No. 43 Located downstairs at 43 East 7th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. By Subway: Take the 6 to Astor Place/ Take the R/W to 8th Street/ Take the F train to 2nd Avenue.
The cost is $5 - No drink minimum!

Our guests will be the lovely, funny Walker and Cantrell. Take a moment to visit their website, and watch their great short video, "Surviving Geddes." Or read one of the prose pieces housed there. I'm a particular fan of "So You've Knocked Over a Row of a Motorcycle Gang's Motorcyles."


















Walker and Cantrell explore the exotic world of aluminum siding.

Plus, a special appearance by the funny, lovely "Frowned Upon" (AKA Devon T. Coleman and D'Arcy Erokan).















Devon points to D'Arcy, to indicate that she is, indeed, squatting atop a pedestal.

As always, the show will also feature Elliott's patented hostly stylings, a video from Brock Mahan, and writing/ performing assistance from Erik Marcisak and myself.

The Primetime Kalan will return yet again on September the 24th. Isn't it torture to wait a whole month between these things? Better make sure to go to every show, so you can load up on Primetime Kalan goodness while you can.

Also, some friends and I have something special cooking for Halloween. So stay tuned.

A Video Done By & For Some Friends

I had no part in making the following video, but it was put together by two of my fellow Kalan writers, Brock and Erik, for Sara Schaefer's new show. So I thought you fine people might be interested. It shows two of Weird Al's new songs, and one lost "classic."

Movie Avalanche

Boy are you guys lucky today, because I have a Friday treat for you. All of the Superman movies that we shot for the June 24 episode of The Primetime Kalan are now up on YouTube, so you can finally judge who makes better Superman films-- us or Bryan Singer.

First up is the short written by me and starring me as Superman, with Elliot Kalan as "The Professor."



Here's the one Elliott wrote. It's got a funny script, but a word of warning: it was shot at the end of the day, when we'd stopped caring about things like... oh... "camerawork" and "lighting." So half of the shots are significantly darker than other shots, even though supposedly all the action is taking place in the same room at the same time. Please pretend that this is an intentional stylistic choice, and not evidence of certain Edward D. Wood Jr. tendencies on our part. Elliot plays Superman in this one. Oh, and look for me in the key role of "Baliff."



Here's one of the slickest-looking videos of the bunch, it's "The Battle of the Supermen" written by Erik Marcisak, who also stars as the Russian Superman. It also features Elliot's inimitable old-timey voiceover skills, as featured on The Daily Show's "The Decider" adventures.



And lastly (and probably the best-put-together of them all) here's the one written by Brock Mahan, "Superman Vs. Man and Superman." Brock stars as Superman, Elliot is George Bernard Shaw, and look for Devon T. Coleman in his one appearance as "Chauncy." Plus, I put in perhaps my finest performance, as Oscar Wilde. To research for this role, I got myself arrested for sodomy. The rest of the Kalan crew said that it really wasn't necessary, but I insisted.

Realism above all.



Well, that's the last of the Kalan videos, but here's a bonus. I discovered that another short, written by Erik and Joe Guercio (an old Kalanite, all around tech wizard, and good friend), is up on YouTube-- Frank Miller's Vatican City. I had nothing to do with the production of this one; I just think it's worth a look.



UPDATE: It has come to my attention that Elliott's Metro column this week is also all about Superman. Geez, Elliott, enough already!

Come See The New Kalan Show on April 20!

I think this post's title speaks for itself. However, if not, I present to you the "The New Kalan Show April 20 FAQ."

--

"What's so New about it?"

What's so new is that, after about a year of un-or-lightly-scripted fake talk show comedy goodness, the show is moving in the direction of more fully-planned bits. And that means that I, Dan McCoy, have been added as a writer, along with the maler half of Frowned Upon, Mr. Devon T. Coleman. Plus, former Colbert Report researcher/ current Fuse TV writer/ longtime Hypocrites partner and Kalan regular Brock Mahan is now "officially" on staff (whatever that means). So the show will be more McColmahan-tastic than ever before. Is that new enough for you?

Also, the show is no longer named The Midnight Kalan and isn't at midnight anymore. But that's been true since January, so it's not quite as new as the other stuff. Forget I said anything.

"What's so Kalan about it?"

What's so Kalan about it is that it's hosted by Elliott Kalan. Who's Elliott Kalan? By day he's an Associate Producer on The Daily Show, plus he writes a weekly humor column for Metro, and is one-half of the sketch team The Hypocrites. The New Kalan Show is his freewheeling talk show, which is sort of like Letterman, if Letterman was a twentysomething guy given to long digressions about failed dates and the golden age of Hollywood, and if his show was occassionally interrupted by ninja attacks or impromptu phone calls from a groggy Kiefer Sutherland. It's co-produced by longtime Kalan consiglieri and comedy impressario Erik Marcisak. You can learn more at the Manhattan Comedy Collective website.

"What's so Show about it?

Um... that's some weird syntax you're using, imaginary rhetorical questioner. I'll ignore it, though, and assume you're asking what makes it worth seeing. Aside from the stuff I mentioned above, on the April 20 show the guest will be Jason Jones, famed Daily Show correspondent (and Samantha-Bee-husband). So hilarity is virtually guaranteed. I'd like to note that The Daily Show is hugely popular (clearly much more so than our basement talk show) and seeing Jason Jones is probably the most tantalizing reason for any potential audience member to show up. And yet, I'm first mentioning his name in the fifth paragraph. I believe this is what's known, in the newspaper business, as "burying the leade."

"What's so April 20 about it?"

That's when it happens. Also it's at 10 PM, at The Gene Frankel Underground, 24 Bond Street, between Bowery and Lafayette. Closest subway stops are the Bleeker Street 6, Broadway Lafayette B/D/F/V, or Prince Street R. Tickets are $5 at the door, but you can buy them online for about a buck more, and guarantee yourself a seat. Also, if you get there at the beginning of the night, you can pay a flat $10 and see every Thursday Big Bang comedy show at the theater. What a deal! Especially if you have no other way fill up your sad, empty evenings. Wait-- don't cry! Oh, I always say the wrong thing!

"What's so The about it?"

I hate you, imaginary rhetorical questioner.

--

So, to sum up: come on out. It may well be your only chance to see me on the same stage as a star of The Daily Show, meaning that my career high may occur in a dank basement. How could you bear to miss it?

I told you the post's title spoke for itself.

Fantastic Newness!

The esteemed Elliot Kalan has added me, along with his "Hypocrites" partner Brock Mahan, and Mr. Devon T. Coleman (one-half of Frowned Upon) to the semi-staff of The New Kalan Show.

Elliott enjoys some pizza with his co-workers, Rocket Joe's-style.

What does semi-staff mean? Who knows. I think it means that there will be less writing out of "scripts" than there was over at Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, and more "vague ideas for bits making reference to well-known-only-to-film-buffs Hollywood figures like Frank Tashlin or Val Lewton."

Anyway, this will be Elliott's first time working with a staff on this show other than producer/ writer Erik Marcisak, and the recently-departed-for-L.A. director/ tech wizard Joe Guercio so that means that in the equation that is The New Kalan Show, I guess that...

The Kalan = Elliott

New = Brock & Devon & me.*

Show = Show

Although I suppose that's not so much an equation, more like a legend or key. But I'll use "equation" if I want to, just like I'll start a sentence with the word "but" if I want to, as well. Get off my back, you pedantic bastards!

Oddly enough, with the addition of Mr. Mahan to the Captains in Space writing staff, there's approximately a 75% crossover between TNKS and CiS. Maybe this will inspire people on the Internet to write fan fiction where the characters from each show cross over. That would be cool... at least, as long as it's not slash fiction.

Speaking of Captains in Space, I've seen the completed first episode, and it looks great-- amazing effects, considering our budget of a penny, some twine, and a cup of dried gravy. All that needs to be done now is some technical gobbledygook with servers and setting up the podcast feed, etc. But the public should be able to download it by Monday or Tuesday.

*Keep an eye out for the new sitcom "Brock & Devon & Me" this fall on Fox!

Congratulations

Just want to give a brief shout-out to friend and former manager of the gone-but-not-forgotten Juvie Hall, Erik Marcisak, who stars in a film that just made it into the Austin Film Festival. Good work, man.

Celebrating (to) the End

Last night's party to celebrate the end of Juvie Hall was pretty awesome, and shame on you if you didn't come.

"But Dan! I had work Tuesday morn..."

A-bup-bup-bup! You're dead to me.

The details are hazy (it was held in a bar), but I seem to remember doing a long interpretive dance, with intermittant short beverage breaks, with Autumn Clark, and having a lengthy argument with Eric Zuckerman, in which he took the role of Bob Hoskins and I essayed the role of Michael Caine.

You know, the usual annoying performer jackass stuff. But fun.

As for Juvie Hall, it will be sorely missed. Should auld acquaintance be forgot, etc. etc. But before it's gone forever, check out my last few posts, and come see me perform there this weekend.

And thank you Erik Marcisak for driving me home, so I need not brave the subways while cold, tired, and tipsy. Has the E train made its last exit to Brooklyn?

Yeah, I Had a Birthday... JEALOUS?

My birthday celebration was on June 18 (my real b-day was the 19th, but y'know... that was a Sunday).

There was much hubbub, hullaballoo, and folderal. There have even been reports of isolated gamboling, but those are, as yet, unconfirmed.

Anyway, many comedy folks were in attendance, as well as some non-comedy folks (I do have normal friends, you know). However, since this is my comedy blog, I'll stick to embarrassing those people.



My cake... apparently people were under the impression that they were attending Larry Flynt's birthday. And what's with the nipple next to the 2? It seems to be migrating off the breast. Perhaps it has dreams of becoming someone else's third nipple.



Why, it's Juvie Hall impresario and Back Stage 2005 Comedy Best Bet, Erik Marcisack, looking at the camera as if to say, "I came all the way out to Brooklyn, and all I got was this Coors Light t-shirt?"



Hey, who let our tech guy Joe out of the booth? Someone get the cattle prod.



My college friend Liz (actress extraordinaire and SNR special guest) and I are dancing so hard that we've thrown the picture out of focus.



"In Which Comedian and Writer Ritch Duncan and I Gesticulate Wildly"

And now, the most scandalous pictures of all. (The bidding starts now, US Weekly!) How do the host of Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, and SSIOWY staff writer Dan McCoy unwind after their triumphant Lisa Loeb/ Chris Genoa show?



...by drinking some kind of fruit-flavored booze out of an enormous goblet.



Whoa! Slow down there, TV's Sara Schaefer!



DAMN YOU, SCHAEFER!!!!!

BACK STAGE Couldn't Love Us More on Their Lovin'-est Day if They Had an Electrified Lovin' Machine

Today's "Back Stage" (the newspaper for actors) listed two shows I'm in as part of their annual list of comedy profiles, or "Comedy Best Bets 2005: 10 [Comedians] Worth Watching."

Firstly, the lovely Sara Schaefer graces the cover, in her traditional "I'm strangling two businessmen with their ties, while I gaze at you in a sultry manner" pose. Her picture is essentially the only one on the cover, taking up about a fourth of the page-- just to get the whole strangling/ sultry thing across. The article inside is terrific too. Sadly, (since I'm an attention whore) I'm not mentioned in the list of writers, since the press materials the writer was working from pre-date my time on the show; but really, who cares? It's great publicity, and I couldn't be happier for Sara, who deserves all the accolades she gets. She puts her heart into that show, and she's Aces.

Also, Erik Marcisak, the manager/ producer of Juvie Hall is profiled, with a special focus on Saturday Night Rewritten. I'm glad that Erik is getting the attention he deserves for providing an up-and-coming alternative to the big comedy houses in the city, and creating the only theater in NYC with a special focus on sketch. I would also like to take special note of one particular part of the article, which singles out one SNR bit to highlight:

"We especially liked a sketch in which a man was cursed with an ever-present voiceover narration, which was particularly funny in a bar, as he tried to socialize and hook up. It was fast-paced and had some very charismatic and funny performances."

Who wrote the sketch that so delighted Back Stage? Dear readers, I cannot lie. It was me. (Well, I cannot lie when lying would mean I'd miss an opportunity to brag. I can lie like a fiend otherwise.)

Anyway, thank you Back Stage for writing about us. We can only hope the publicity leads to us... y'know... actually getting paid for this nonsense.