Hey folks. I haven't had the opportunity to update in a while (partly thanks to an until-yesterday lack of Internet brought on by changing apartments-- damn you Time Warner Cable!) but here's a quick rundown of some items of note.
Esteemed former Jest editor Frank Santopadre, who shepherded the magazine/ website over its last year or so of existence, set up a meeting with a few writers over at MAD Magazine, to see if we could wrangle a little freelance work. So I don't want to jinx it, but keep your fingers crossed-- I may soon be making some 12 to 16 year-old boys laugh. Oh, and by the way, the MAD offices are exactly how Bart Simpson imagined them, with people jumping around on pogo sticks, and Alfred E. Newman yelling "Get me Kaputnik and Fonebone. I want to see their drawings for 'New Kids on the Bleech!' And where's my fershluggen partrami sandwiches?!"
Also, the first episode of Captains in Space should be online by this time next week, if not earlier. I know I promised it to you by early March, but it took a little longer because of some special effects issues, and just ironing out some related details for our "pilot" episode. Now that the initial work has been done, our esteemed director Fed says that the other episodes should take less time to put together. So check back next week, and I should have the link for you.
Showing posts with label Frank Santopadre. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frank Santopadre. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Jest.com is Officially Up
Although again, this isn't so much news since The Apiary mentioned our soft launch over two weeks ago (damn you, The Apiary, and your tireless Internet comedy journalism!), the new Jest.com is officially up and running. Our soft launch has gotten hard, if you will. 
I didn't want to mention it here before it was time, but our esteemed editor Frank Santopadre just removed our gag order. So here it is! Now those pining for the late, lamented Jest Magazine can get much the same thing in a much less respected format. (Suggested slogan: "It's On the Internet. You Know, Where Anyone Can Get Published!") On the other hand, now you can finally read it at work, without having to hide it inside a bulky three-ring binder, plus my friends from all across the country can see it for the first time.
I have a few pieces up there already. Check out my "Highlights From the 1st Annual Soft-Core Porn Awards." Or look at the first installment of what will theoretically be a weekly column, "Can't Miss Movie Pitches." ('Theoretically' in the sense that it will likely continue until I, or you, get tired of it.)
Plus my status has been bumped up from "regular contributor" to the much more exciting "regular contributor with a silly picture on the website." I still get paid the same per-piece rate, though. So start buying Jest merchandise, so we can shamelessly dilute the integrity of the product and begin getting rich off this thing.
In conclusion, Jest.com is one of the few places that pays me to write. Granted, they don't pay much, but their intentions are good. Please: support me by supporting them. If you continue to support such endeavors, then perhaps together we can eventually create a better world, where I don't have a shitty day job.
I didn't want to mention it here before it was time, but our esteemed editor Frank Santopadre just removed our gag order. So here it is! Now those pining for the late, lamented Jest Magazine can get much the same thing in a much less respected format. (Suggested slogan: "It's On the Internet. You Know, Where Anyone Can Get Published!") On the other hand, now you can finally read it at work, without having to hide it inside a bulky three-ring binder, plus my friends from all across the country can see it for the first time.
I have a few pieces up there already. Check out my "Highlights From the 1st Annual Soft-Core Porn Awards." Or look at the first installment of what will theoretically be a weekly column, "Can't Miss Movie Pitches." ('Theoretically' in the sense that it will likely continue until I, or you, get tired of it.)
Plus my status has been bumped up from "regular contributor" to the much more exciting "regular contributor with a silly picture on the website." I still get paid the same per-piece rate, though. So start buying Jest merchandise, so we can shamelessly dilute the integrity of the product and begin getting rich off this thing.
In conclusion, Jest.com is one of the few places that pays me to write. Granted, they don't pay much, but their intentions are good. Please: support me by supporting them. If you continue to support such endeavors, then perhaps together we can eventually create a better world, where I don't have a shitty day job.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Fry Her? I Hardly Know... eh, forget it.
So Jest's esteemed editor, Frank Santopadre, arranged for the core writers, designers, and assorted hangers-on to have a little sit-down to talk about the future of Jest as a website. It's not my place to go into any details just yet, but let it be known that I'm excited. What I've seen has a lot of potential, and we could easily reach a much larger audience than ever before. Plus, I'll have a chance to get more material out there (probably on a weekly basis) and that'll be nice.
Anyway, if I can't say anything about Jest, then why am I posting now? Well, the meeting was at the New York Friars Club, and getting to be a guest there was a neat experience. You walk in to the club, and the first thing you see are paintings of Henny Youngman and George Burns, and that kind of says it all. We had a few drinks in the Celebrity Bar (and I saved my Friars Club swizzle sticks as a souvenir). Frank knew all the folks that worked there, and I definitely understood the appeal of belonging to a private club-- it's like stepping into a P.G. Woodehouse story (well, less British, and more showbiz-y, but you know what I mean). After the meeting we had a brief chance to see a little bit of the rest of the club (Frank: Do you want to see the Milton Berle room? Me: Is it as big as I hear?) and it was y'know... cool. Have I made it clear that it was cool? Oh, and we passed Dennis Farina going in, which was a kick. I always enjoy him.
In other news, I have discovered how to access the statistics that track visitors to my site, and have learned some disturbing things:
81.1% of visitors stay for less than 5 seconds.
The second-largest percentage, 8.1%, stay for an hour or more.
I don't know what's more distressing-- that the overwhelming majority can't be bothered to read the site for more than 1/12 of a minute, or that some people are reading what is essentially a collection of self-plugs and calendar dates for hours on end.
Also: many people come to the site because there's a guy at Pixar named Dan McCoy. I've caught his name in Pixar credits before, but didn't guess that he'd accidentally draw people (part of that 81.1-less-than-five-second-percentage, no doubt) to my site. And I guess he'll be drawing more, now that I've used the word Pixar three times. Pixar.
Anyway, if he ever self-googles and reads this site, let it be known that I think you do good work, Pixar-Dan-McCoy. Top notch stuff, really. Fuck Dreamworks.
The most unusual visit came as a result of a search for "nude Kim Cattrall." I can only assume that this is because I made an offhand reference making fun of Mannequin in my TV listings reviewer humor piece. What I find odd, though, is that someone would get here because of that one reference, considering how often Kim Cattrall has taken off her clothes. I mean, starting way back in Porky's, that's pretty much been her M.O., hasn't it? And I don't mean to slam Kim Cattrall. I loathe Sex in the City, but I do think it shows that she's a pretty talented light comic actress. Plus, I'm certainly not against women doing nude scenes. Basically, what I'm saying is that if you're looking for a naked Kim Cattrall through my blog, you're doing things the hard way.
God... again, now I'm going to have more people looking for naked pictures, through my blog. Stupid keywords. Not that I mind the traffic, I just can't bear the thought of disappointing all those poor misguided porn hounds.
Oh well. Keep looking, guys! I'm sure you'll eventually find something to get off to. I have faith in you!
Anyway, if I can't say anything about Jest, then why am I posting now? Well, the meeting was at the New York Friars Club, and getting to be a guest there was a neat experience. You walk in to the club, and the first thing you see are paintings of Henny Youngman and George Burns, and that kind of says it all. We had a few drinks in the Celebrity Bar (and I saved my Friars Club swizzle sticks as a souvenir). Frank knew all the folks that worked there, and I definitely understood the appeal of belonging to a private club-- it's like stepping into a P.G. Woodehouse story (well, less British, and more showbiz-y, but you know what I mean). After the meeting we had a brief chance to see a little bit of the rest of the club (Frank: Do you want to see the Milton Berle room? Me: Is it as big as I hear?) and it was y'know... cool. Have I made it clear that it was cool? Oh, and we passed Dennis Farina going in, which was a kick. I always enjoy him.
In other news, I have discovered how to access the statistics that track visitors to my site, and have learned some disturbing things:
81.1% of visitors stay for less than 5 seconds.
The second-largest percentage, 8.1%, stay for an hour or more.
I don't know what's more distressing-- that the overwhelming majority can't be bothered to read the site for more than 1/12 of a minute, or that some people are reading what is essentially a collection of self-plugs and calendar dates for hours on end.
Also: many people come to the site because there's a guy at Pixar named Dan McCoy. I've caught his name in Pixar credits before, but didn't guess that he'd accidentally draw people (part of that 81.1-less-than-five-second-percentage, no doubt) to my site. And I guess he'll be drawing more, now that I've used the word Pixar three times. Pixar.
Anyway, if he ever self-googles and reads this site, let it be known that I think you do good work, Pixar-Dan-McCoy. Top notch stuff, really. Fuck Dreamworks.
The most unusual visit came as a result of a search for "nude Kim Cattrall." I can only assume that this is because I made an offhand reference making fun of Mannequin in my TV listings reviewer humor piece. What I find odd, though, is that someone would get here because of that one reference, considering how often Kim Cattrall has taken off her clothes. I mean, starting way back in Porky's, that's pretty much been her M.O., hasn't it? And I don't mean to slam Kim Cattrall. I loathe Sex in the City, but I do think it shows that she's a pretty talented light comic actress. Plus, I'm certainly not against women doing nude scenes. Basically, what I'm saying is that if you're looking for a naked Kim Cattrall through my blog, you're doing things the hard way.
God... again, now I'm going to have more people looking for naked pictures, through my blog. Stupid keywords. Not that I mind the traffic, I just can't bear the thought of disappointing all those poor misguided porn hounds.
Oh well. Keep looking, guys! I'm sure you'll eventually find something to get off to. I have faith in you!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Jest Onward
So, Jest Magazine is no more, at least as a print publication ("What? Didn't it just go national?" Yeah. Such is the tough world of publishing).
However, like a phoenix rising from the etc., Jest will live on. I don't want to spill the details yet, but we're talking all-new daily content, and probably a weekly column from yours truly. Watch this spot for more.
In the meantime, you can still find the last print issue of Jest out there. I've got less material in it than usual, but I'm still in there. On page 19 you can see another in my oh-so-popular (with me) feature "Ways to Make TV More Entertaining." Also, on page 26, you can see my contributions to the "Jest Writers' Summer Reading List."
And, in some sort of bitter symmetry, the last issue is also the first featuring a fan letter for me. I quote the letter, and our editor's response:
As I have a good friend who hails from Fort Wayne, and a low sense of self-worth, my immediate thought was that this "fan letter" was my friend screwing with me. However, despite having two first names, Lucas A. Matt appears to be genuine. And if he's anything like me, he spends endless hours on the Internet at work, googling himself. So perhaps someday he'll stumble across this entry and confirm his existence. In the meanwhile, Lucas and others, with any luck my contributions to Jest won't die along with the ink-and-paper magazine. Stay tuned.
However, like a phoenix rising from the etc., Jest will live on. I don't want to spill the details yet, but we're talking all-new daily content, and probably a weekly column from yours truly. Watch this spot for more.
In the meantime, you can still find the last print issue of Jest out there. I've got less material in it than usual, but I'm still in there. On page 19 you can see another in my oh-so-popular (with me) feature "Ways to Make TV More Entertaining." Also, on page 26, you can see my contributions to the "Jest Writers' Summer Reading List."
And, in some sort of bitter symmetry, the last issue is also the first featuring a fan letter for me. I quote the letter, and our editor's response:
-Hi there,
I loved Dan McCoy's "Softcore Porn Awards"
in the May/June issue of Jest (I happen to be
a big fan of Misty Mundae). Will he be doing
more pieces for you guys in future issues?
Lucas A. Matt
Fort Wayne, IN
Hmmn. Hard to say, Luke. Writer/actor/
comedian/sketch player Dan McCoy is a
busy man and a much sought-after talent,
but he did want me to pass along the news
that he'll be appearing in a new Off-
Broadway musical with Mia Farro, Tia
Carrere, Rhea Pearlman, and Pia Zadora,
titled Mia, Tia, Rhea, Pia, and Dan.Break a leg, D!
-Frank
As I have a good friend who hails from Fort Wayne, and a low sense of self-worth, my immediate thought was that this "fan letter" was my friend screwing with me. However, despite having two first names, Lucas A. Matt appears to be genuine. And if he's anything like me, he spends endless hours on the Internet at work, googling himself. So perhaps someday he'll stumble across this entry and confirm his existence. In the meanwhile, Lucas and others, with any luck my contributions to Jest won't die along with the ink-and-paper magazine. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Dan in the New Issue of Jest - PLUS: Jest Goes National
The May/ June issue of Jest Magazine has hit the streets, and I''ve got two pieces in it. The first is a short piece, called "Ways To Make TV More Entertaining," on page 18, and the second is titled "Highlights from the 1st Annual Softcore Porn Awards (AKA 'The Softies')" on page 41. That piece is also highlighted on the cover, proving either that (A.) it was one of the editor's favorites, or (B.) any mention of porn sells.
Also, starting with this issue, Jest has become a pay magazine ($3.99 on the newsstand, or $18.00 for a 1 year/ 6 issue subscription-- although for a limited time you can go to Jest.com, click the subscribe button, and enter the code: "cheap jester" to get a subscription for only $9.95). Plus, starting with this issue, Jest has gone national, with issues being available in 60 U.S. cities.
You can read Jest editor Frank Santopadre's thoughts on the recent changes here, and you can also see a few pieces from the current issue online (although not, unfortunately, either of mine).
Next week I'm going to a launch party for the national version of the magazine, complete with (according to the invitation), "a DJ, models, open bar, and an ice sculpture." I have it on good authority that the ice sculpture is of Michael Jackson with boys' underwear over his mouth. This is a K-L-A-S-S-Y rag I write for!
Also, starting with this issue, Jest has become a pay magazine ($3.99 on the newsstand, or $18.00 for a 1 year/ 6 issue subscription-- although for a limited time you can go to Jest.com, click the subscribe button, and enter the code: "cheap jester" to get a subscription for only $9.95). Plus, starting with this issue, Jest has gone national, with issues being available in 60 U.S. cities.
You can read Jest editor Frank Santopadre's thoughts on the recent changes here, and you can also see a few pieces from the current issue online (although not, unfortunately, either of mine).
Next week I'm going to a launch party for the national version of the magazine, complete with (according to the invitation), "a DJ, models, open bar, and an ice sculpture." I have it on good authority that the ice sculpture is of Michael Jackson with boys' underwear over his mouth. This is a K-L-A-S-S-Y rag I write for!
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