New Primetime Kalan, Coming August 26

Hey, friends. Like I've said before, comedy slows down a bit in the summer, preferring to lie low, rather than risk a melanoma on its fair-skinned underbelly. However, things are starting to pick up again, starting with The Primetime Kalan.

Following our sell-out June show (the first in our new venue), The Primetime Kalan took a short summer break in July; but we're back in full force on August 26! Put it on your calendar now, forgetful ones! I'll probably only mention it three other times before then!

The Primetime Kalan August 26 at 8:30 PM @ Jimmy's No. 43 Located downstairs at 43 East 7th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. By Subway: Take the 6 to Astor Place/ Take the R/W to 8th Street/ Take the F train to 2nd Avenue.
The cost is $5 - No drink minimum!

Our guests will be the lovely, funny Walker and Cantrell. Take a moment to visit their website, and watch their great short video, "Surviving Geddes." Or read one of the prose pieces housed there. I'm a particular fan of "So You've Knocked Over a Row of a Motorcycle Gang's Motorcyles."


















Walker and Cantrell explore the exotic world of aluminum siding.

Plus, a special appearance by the funny, lovely "Frowned Upon" (AKA Devon T. Coleman and D'Arcy Erokan).















Devon points to D'Arcy, to indicate that she is, indeed, squatting atop a pedestal.

As always, the show will also feature Elliott's patented hostly stylings, a video from Brock Mahan, and writing/ performing assistance from Erik Marcisak and myself.

The Primetime Kalan will return yet again on September the 24th. Isn't it torture to wait a whole month between these things? Better make sure to go to every show, so you can load up on Primetime Kalan goodness while you can.

Also, some friends and I have something special cooking for Halloween. So stay tuned.

Movie Avalanche

Boy are you guys lucky today, because I have a Friday treat for you. All of the Superman movies that we shot for the June 24 episode of The Primetime Kalan are now up on YouTube, so you can finally judge who makes better Superman films-- us or Bryan Singer.

First up is the short written by me and starring me as Superman, with Elliot Kalan as "The Professor."



Here's the one Elliott wrote. It's got a funny script, but a word of warning: it was shot at the end of the day, when we'd stopped caring about things like... oh... "camerawork" and "lighting." So half of the shots are significantly darker than other shots, even though supposedly all the action is taking place in the same room at the same time. Please pretend that this is an intentional stylistic choice, and not evidence of certain Edward D. Wood Jr. tendencies on our part. Elliot plays Superman in this one. Oh, and look for me in the key role of "Baliff."



Here's one of the slickest-looking videos of the bunch, it's "The Battle of the Supermen" written by Erik Marcisak, who also stars as the Russian Superman. It also features Elliot's inimitable old-timey voiceover skills, as featured on The Daily Show's "The Decider" adventures.



And lastly (and probably the best-put-together of them all) here's the one written by Brock Mahan, "Superman Vs. Man and Superman." Brock stars as Superman, Elliot is George Bernard Shaw, and look for Devon T. Coleman in his one appearance as "Chauncy." Plus, I put in perhaps my finest performance, as Oscar Wilde. To research for this role, I got myself arrested for sodomy. The rest of the Kalan crew said that it really wasn't necessary, but I insisted.

Realism above all.



Well, that's the last of the Kalan videos, but here's a bonus. I discovered that another short, written by Erik and Joe Guercio (an old Kalanite, all around tech wizard, and good friend), is up on YouTube-- Frank Miller's Vatican City. I had nothing to do with the production of this one; I just think it's worth a look.



UPDATE: It has come to my attention that Elliott's Metro column this week is also all about Superman. Geez, Elliott, enough already!

Captains in Space, Episode Three ONLINE!

"Double," the third exciting episode of Captains in Space is online now. Written by the estimable Devon T. Coleman, and starring the usual gang of Fed Hatoum, Adam Walden, and Vedette Lim, this may be the best episode of Captains yet. It's certainly the shortest, which is a real boon for those with more important things to do with their lives than watch comedy on the Internet. How I hate those people.

Devon gives Vedette/ Frankie some valuable acting notes.

As always, our director and editor, Fed, has gone to great lengths to make sure the show looks as good as possible, despite our budget of a Canadian penny, a gnarled bit of wire, and a kick in the groin. And, as always, the best way to view the episode is to download it or watch it via a video iPod (subscribe via iTunes here), but if you're technophobic you can always just click on the YouTube version below.

The New Kalan Show, Tonight!

Tonight

The New Kalan Show
Hosted by Elliott Kalan

With Special Guest Jason Jones










Featuring:
Devon Coleman, Brock Mahan, Dan McCoy, and Erik Marcisak

At The Gene Frankel Underground
Tonight, April 20, at 10:00 PM, $5

The Gene Frankel Underground is located at 24 Bond Street in the East Village of Manhattan.
(Don’t be scared, Bond Street is a short street that's just a cooler name for East 2nd Street). It's on the north side of Bond Street, between Bowery & Lafayette, behind the green door ( ! ). Just come on in -- we're located in the basement theater.

#6 to Bleecker Street at Lafayette W & R to 8th Street or Prince St B,D,F,V to Broadway/Lafayette

Come See The New Kalan Show on April 20!

I think this post's title speaks for itself. However, if not, I present to you the "The New Kalan Show April 20 FAQ."

--

"What's so New about it?"

What's so new is that, after about a year of un-or-lightly-scripted fake talk show comedy goodness, the show is moving in the direction of more fully-planned bits. And that means that I, Dan McCoy, have been added as a writer, along with the maler half of Frowned Upon, Mr. Devon T. Coleman. Plus, former Colbert Report researcher/ current Fuse TV writer/ longtime Hypocrites partner and Kalan regular Brock Mahan is now "officially" on staff (whatever that means). So the show will be more McColmahan-tastic than ever before. Is that new enough for you?

Also, the show is no longer named The Midnight Kalan and isn't at midnight anymore. But that's been true since January, so it's not quite as new as the other stuff. Forget I said anything.

"What's so Kalan about it?"

What's so Kalan about it is that it's hosted by Elliott Kalan. Who's Elliott Kalan? By day he's an Associate Producer on The Daily Show, plus he writes a weekly humor column for Metro, and is one-half of the sketch team The Hypocrites. The New Kalan Show is his freewheeling talk show, which is sort of like Letterman, if Letterman was a twentysomething guy given to long digressions about failed dates and the golden age of Hollywood, and if his show was occassionally interrupted by ninja attacks or impromptu phone calls from a groggy Kiefer Sutherland. It's co-produced by longtime Kalan consiglieri and comedy impressario Erik Marcisak. You can learn more at the Manhattan Comedy Collective website.

"What's so Show about it?

Um... that's some weird syntax you're using, imaginary rhetorical questioner. I'll ignore it, though, and assume you're asking what makes it worth seeing. Aside from the stuff I mentioned above, on the April 20 show the guest will be Jason Jones, famed Daily Show correspondent (and Samantha-Bee-husband). So hilarity is virtually guaranteed. I'd like to note that The Daily Show is hugely popular (clearly much more so than our basement talk show) and seeing Jason Jones is probably the most tantalizing reason for any potential audience member to show up. And yet, I'm first mentioning his name in the fifth paragraph. I believe this is what's known, in the newspaper business, as "burying the leade."

"What's so April 20 about it?"

That's when it happens. Also it's at 10 PM, at The Gene Frankel Underground, 24 Bond Street, between Bowery and Lafayette. Closest subway stops are the Bleeker Street 6, Broadway Lafayette B/D/F/V, or Prince Street R. Tickets are $5 at the door, but you can buy them online for about a buck more, and guarantee yourself a seat. Also, if you get there at the beginning of the night, you can pay a flat $10 and see every Thursday Big Bang comedy show at the theater. What a deal! Especially if you have no other way fill up your sad, empty evenings. Wait-- don't cry! Oh, I always say the wrong thing!

"What's so The about it?"

I hate you, imaginary rhetorical questioner.

--

So, to sum up: come on out. It may well be your only chance to see me on the same stage as a star of The Daily Show, meaning that my career high may occur in a dank basement. How could you bear to miss it?

I told you the post's title spoke for itself.

Fantastic Newness!

The esteemed Elliot Kalan has added me, along with his "Hypocrites" partner Brock Mahan, and Mr. Devon T. Coleman (one-half of Frowned Upon) to the semi-staff of The New Kalan Show.

Elliott enjoys some pizza with his co-workers, Rocket Joe's-style.

What does semi-staff mean? Who knows. I think it means that there will be less writing out of "scripts" than there was over at Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, and more "vague ideas for bits making reference to well-known-only-to-film-buffs Hollywood figures like Frank Tashlin or Val Lewton."

Anyway, this will be Elliott's first time working with a staff on this show other than producer/ writer Erik Marcisak, and the recently-departed-for-L.A. director/ tech wizard Joe Guercio so that means that in the equation that is The New Kalan Show, I guess that...

The Kalan = Elliott

New = Brock & Devon & me.*

Show = Show

Although I suppose that's not so much an equation, more like a legend or key. But I'll use "equation" if I want to, just like I'll start a sentence with the word "but" if I want to, as well. Get off my back, you pedantic bastards!

Oddly enough, with the addition of Mr. Mahan to the Captains in Space writing staff, there's approximately a 75% crossover between TNKS and CiS. Maybe this will inspire people on the Internet to write fan fiction where the characters from each show cross over. That would be cool... at least, as long as it's not slash fiction.

Speaking of Captains in Space, I've seen the completed first episode, and it looks great-- amazing effects, considering our budget of a penny, some twine, and a cup of dried gravy. All that needs to be done now is some technical gobbledygook with servers and setting up the podcast feed, etc. But the public should be able to download it by Monday or Tuesday.

*Keep an eye out for the new sitcom "Brock & Devon & Me" this fall on Fox!

"Captains" Website is Live!

So, the website for Captains is up and running. There's currently not that much content there, since we haven't actually shot any of the episodes yet, but it's still pretty neat. Go to http://www.captainsinspace.com/ to check it out. You can read a little about the concept and get bios of the people involved, and the front page is a blog where (I'm just assuming, since Fed is the webmaster) production news will be updated as we progress.

One of the more exciting pieces of news is that Andrea Rosen will be appearing in Future Shock, one of the episodes I wrote. You may have seen her in a reoccuring role in the very funny Stella on Comedy Central, a show I hope will return for a second season, although perhaps it's been shunted off to make room for more episodes of "Distraction" or 12 hours of Mad TV reruns. You know... for kids.

Anyway, to sum up, here are the things that you'll be able to find on the Captains website as of now:

-A spiffy logo
-A series synopsis
-Gratuitous use of the word "space"
-An email address for you to spam
-A reference to a "sexy onboard computer"
-Bios of the cast, crew, and writers
-Including a bio of Devon T. Coleman which is funnier than the boilerplate bio I contributed. What's that guy's problem, anyway?
-A photo of me holding a martini and a cat

Things you won't be able to find on the Captains website:

-Nude photos of any of the above (aside from the aforementioned cat)
-Actual episodes of the show

But they're coming, friends! (Uh... the episodes, not the nude photos.) We hope by early March. Keep checking in.

In the Bleak Midwinter

Well, it's been a while since I've updated this thing, and that's not because I've forgotten you, dear reader (how could I ever forget YOU?), but because there's not much that's been going on. I've allowed myself to succumb to post-holiday laziness. However, things should be picking up from here, and if you've been jonesing for some Dan-related comedy (which puts you in about the one-millionth of one percent of the population-- although, luckily, most of that percentage knows about this calendar/ blog), then you're in luck.

Yes, in my first performance since 2005, I will be appearing this Saturday evening from 8:30-9:30, co-hosting a slate of four ten-minute plays... the perfect length for a play, in my easily-distracted opinion. My partner in this endeavor will be one Mr. Eric Zuckerman, whom you may know as "Doomsday Guy" from the 4th highest-grossing film of the year*, War of the Worlds. That's right. I'll be sharing the stage with someone who has recieved valuable direction from Mr. Steven Spielberg himself-- direction that possibly included, "Look over there," and, "Louder."

I don't know all the details just yet (Mr. Z is running point on this operation and he has yet to apprise me of all the ins and outs) but I wanted to warn you immediately, in case you needed to clear your already sparse Saturday-evening calendar. As soon as I know all the salient information, I'll post it right here.

In other news, following my semi-award winning TV spec scripts that have completely failed to win me an agent as of yet, I've decided to write a screenplay. Just as soon as I, y'know... figure out how to do that.

Also, production is underway on multiple episodes of the video podcast "Captains," mentioned in the link bar to the right of your screen. It's a little comedy sci/fi series being put together by my friend Fed, his friend Adam, Mr. Devon T. Coleman, and yours truly. I'll give you more details as production progresses, but we're hoping that the first episode might be available by late February or early March, at which point the aforementioned link will become active, and the wealthy among you can enjoy our shenanigans via your video iPod, the middle class can enjoy our shenanigans via your computers' Quicktime video programs, and the poor can enjoy distorted re-tellings of our shenanigans while huddled around the Tang-cooler.

In other news, I am irredemably self-obsessed.

*According to the Entertainment Weekly I read on the subway this morning.

Cocktail Hour a SMASHing Success

The Cocktail Hour website has an episode guide up, detailing the episode for which I was a guest. I'd like to point out that any drinking game I was playing was unintentional. It may have looked like I was taking a drink whenever anyone talked, but I was merely following my usual policy of taking a drink every 2.5 seconds. Obviously.

This is the hit sketch team Frowned Upon, otherwise known as D'Arce and Dev of The Cocktail Hour fame. Devon is the one in the cart, and D'Arcy is the one denying him the bag of dehydrated lentils he so desperately wants.

Two Big Shows This Week

In Sara's own words:

This coming Saturday, October 1, we've got a HUGE SSIOWY planned!

We've got cooking, great music, my bachelorette party, Law & Order - what more can you want? Come celebrate afterwards at Slainte, both to celebrate almost 2 years of doing SSIOWY, and to send Chris and I off as we are leaving to get married on Oct 6! If all that wasn't enough, some important people are coming, so if you've been meaning to come check it out, Oct 1 is the one!

Here are the details:

SARA SCHAEFER IS OBSESSED WITH YOU
Saturday, October 1, 8 p.m.

CELEBRITY GUEST: Laurie Woolever, Cook / Food Writer - Laurie will be doing a live cooking segment on the show! (Laurie was also the assistant to Mario Batali and also a cook for many famous types, so she will have many juicy stories to tell!)

MUSICAL GUEST: Valley Lodge - do NOT miss this band, they are fantastic and did I mention adorable?

AND AS ALWAYS...SOMEONE FROM LAW & ORDER!

WHERE: Juvie Hall Sketch Comedy Theatre, At The Gene Frankel Theater, 24 Bond St., btw Bowery & Lafayette

TICKETS: Tickets $8, available through Smarttix: 212-868-4444, http://www.blogger.com/, or at door.

www.saraschaefer.com

Also, I will be getting interviewed at a live talk show this week. Why am I important enough to be interviewed? God only knows. Yet again, I'll let the show's titular hosts tell you about it in their own words:

Do you like everything? Then you'll love anything! And since The Cocktail Hour is something, you should be there!

Guests? Don't mind if I do.

Writer/Artist Benjamin Birdie

Dan McCoy (Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, Jest Magazine, Saturday Night Rewritten)

Did you know Devon might be a covert government agent? D'Arcy seems to think so. Find out the truth this Friday, Sept. 30th @ midnight. $5. Free soda and a slice of pizza.

Where?

Juvie Hall
24 Bond St.

The Greatest Sketch in the History of Time

This was a collaborative effort between me, Devon T. Coleman, and Brock Mahan; and it is, as the title suggests, the greatest sketch in the history of time...

'SCOPE MOUTHWASH TRIAL" by devon, brock, & dan

HISTORIAN
Hello. I'm a Historian. This year marks the 80th anniversary of the Scopes Monkey Trial-- but very little attention is paid to the trial that happened immediately after: The Scope Mouthwash Trial. Let's go there now. You know. Not really. Through the magic of reenactment. Which is also not actual magic.

INT. COURT

PROSECUTOR enters. SCOPE sits on the stand.

PROSECUTOR
Scope Mouthwash, is it true that you are intelligently designed to reduce plaque and leave people's mouths feeling fresh?

SCOPE
Yes, yes I was.

PROSECUTOR
I rest my case.

JUDGE bangs his gavel.

JUDGE
Scope Mouthwash, I hereby find you guilty of promoting good dental hygiene. And sentence you to be used after every meal. Case dismissed!

BACK TO:
THE HISTORIAN

THE HISTORIAN
This was the most significant mouthwash trial since the Listerine Baby Kidnapping. For me, I'm a historian.

DOCTOR enters.

DOCTOR
Poor Historian. He used to be not crazy.

THE HISTORIAN
There's a history of mental illness in my family.

SFX: MUTED TRUMPET (Wah wah wah waaaaaaaah)

Doctor takes out his cell phone.

DOCTOR
Sorry, I gotta take this.
(beat)
Historian, it's the governor! Good news, you're not crazy anymore!

THE HISTORIAN
Hooray!

Doctor and The Historian high five.

END OF SKETCH.

Yes, my friends, you have now read the greatest sketch in the history of time. Try to keep living, knowing that your joy will never be topped.