Captains in Space Episode Two Online

The second episode of Captains in Space is now available online. So run and get it. You can view it via YouTube, if you like, but the quicktime version is better. Even better still? If you have a video iPod, you can subscribe to it as a podcast (which you should, because it looks sharpest on the iPod screen. I don't have a video iPod personally, but my better-heeled friends have let me use theirs, and it looks really nice).

Also, as Captain Fed says, "Please encourage your friends to subscribe to Captains via iTunes. The more people we get to do that (and leave reviews), the more likely the iTunes folks will feature the show. Once we get featured, that will increase the audience dramatically. I know we're more interesting than "Yogamazing", which is on the first page of featured video podcasts." Don't you want us to acheive Internet fame? It's the worst kind of fame there is! (Well, other than infamy.)

The latest episode, Advice, guest-stars our friends Rick Murphy and Lindsay Joy, and if you like them here, you should check them out in the live show "Rick Murphy is an Asshole," which will play as part of The Manhattan Comedy Collective's "Big Bang," every Thursday night in April at 8:00 PM, which was written by Rob Bates and Laura Buchholz, two fine humans, indeed. Yes, it's not all self-promotion here at Whither Laffs. Sometimes it's friends-of-self promotion too.














And, speaking of The Manhattan Comedy Collective (or MC2, as the cool kids say), Captains in Space will be playing as a video short during May's Big Bang shows. So, if you don't like watching things alone, on a tiny screen, you can come out and watch Captains in Space in a crowd, on a big screen, at the accompanying lower resolution. Yay! More MC2 information to come, as May draws nearer.

There will be a slightly longer lag between this episode and episode three, because our co-creator/director/editor/control freak Fed will be on a Latin American vacation (adios!) the first week of April, but once he's back, you can start eagerly anticipating your next Captains fix.

As always, thanks for caring about any of this nonsense.

Thanks

In an orgy of self-reflexive posting, I'd just like to thank The Apiary for kindly taking notice of our little Internet show. We appreciate the support, and I hope people keep an eye out for the new episodes as they come out...

Captains in Space Are GO!

After a period of fevered anticipation, unmatched on the Internet since the advent of Matrix-themed pornography, the first episode of Captains in Space is finally online.

You can download the episode directly, to watch on your computer, but the real fun comes if you have a video iPod, in which case you can subscribe to the RSS feed, and get new episodes sent directly to your iPod as soon as they're made available. It's simple. First you (1.) send me 1/2 of your discretionary income, because if you have a video iPod, you clearly earn more money than I, and (2.) simply click on one of the links over at the official website to sign up via iTunes or several other popular podcasting programs (I apologize for the alliteration, but there wasn't really a better way to phrase that). These are the best ways of viewing the episode, but if the high-quality video file is a bit jumpy on your computer, you can also view a lower-res version via YouTube.

Special thanks are due to Fed, our co-creator/ director, who went the extra mile to make sure that the special effects look pretty darn professional for an Internet series, with the budget of some food stamps, some copper wire, and a beat-up copy of Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions #38." One thing's for sure-- it looks miles better than any BBC sci-fi series from the 70's or 80's.

Anyway, we're all quite pleased with the first episode, and now that we've established the characters and the world, future episodes can only get stranger, funnier, and more Captainstastic.*

Editing for the second episode is well underway, so you may be seeing it sooner than you think. On the other hand, we're not getting paid for this, so little things like "day jobs" might slow us down. Still, keep watching the skies.**

*not a real word

**please don't sue us, the estate of Howard Hawks

Fantastic Newness!

The esteemed Elliot Kalan has added me, along with his "Hypocrites" partner Brock Mahan, and Mr. Devon T. Coleman (one-half of Frowned Upon) to the semi-staff of The New Kalan Show.

Elliott enjoys some pizza with his co-workers, Rocket Joe's-style.

What does semi-staff mean? Who knows. I think it means that there will be less writing out of "scripts" than there was over at Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, and more "vague ideas for bits making reference to well-known-only-to-film-buffs Hollywood figures like Frank Tashlin or Val Lewton."

Anyway, this will be Elliott's first time working with a staff on this show other than producer/ writer Erik Marcisak, and the recently-departed-for-L.A. director/ tech wizard Joe Guercio so that means that in the equation that is The New Kalan Show, I guess that...

The Kalan = Elliott

New = Brock & Devon & me.*

Show = Show

Although I suppose that's not so much an equation, more like a legend or key. But I'll use "equation" if I want to, just like I'll start a sentence with the word "but" if I want to, as well. Get off my back, you pedantic bastards!

Oddly enough, with the addition of Mr. Mahan to the Captains in Space writing staff, there's approximately a 75% crossover between TNKS and CiS. Maybe this will inspire people on the Internet to write fan fiction where the characters from each show cross over. That would be cool... at least, as long as it's not slash fiction.

Speaking of Captains in Space, I've seen the completed first episode, and it looks great-- amazing effects, considering our budget of a penny, some twine, and a cup of dried gravy. All that needs to be done now is some technical gobbledygook with servers and setting up the podcast feed, etc. But the public should be able to download it by Monday or Tuesday.

*Keep an eye out for the new sitcom "Brock & Devon & Me" this fall on Fox!

March Clinical Depression-ness, Continued!

Hey folks. I haven't had the opportunity to update in a while (partly thanks to an until-yesterday lack of Internet brought on by changing apartments-- damn you Time Warner Cable!) but here's a quick rundown of some items of note.

Esteemed former Jest editor Frank Santopadre, who shepherded the magazine/ website over its last year or so of existence, set up a meeting with a few writers over at MAD Magazine, to see if we could wrangle a little freelance work. So I don't want to jinx it, but keep your fingers crossed-- I may soon be making some 12 to 16 year-old boys laugh. Oh, and by the way, the MAD offices are exactly how Bart Simpson imagined them, with people jumping around on pogo sticks, and Alfred E. Newman yelling "Get me Kaputnik and Fonebone. I want to see their drawings for 'New Kids on the Bleech!' And where's my fershluggen partrami sandwiches?!"

Also, the first episode of Captains in Space should be online by this time next week, if not earlier. I know I promised it to you by early March, but it took a little longer because of some special effects issues, and just ironing out some related details for our "pilot" episode. Now that the initial work has been done, our esteemed director Fed says that the other episodes should take less time to put together. So check back next week, and I should have the link for you.

GTN Bit From 3/7/06

I rarely use this site to post my actual writing, preferring to simply use it as a calendar of events or related self-promotion/ self-obsession. I do this for two reasons (1.) so I don't have to annoy people with inbox-clogging email promotions, and (2.) because who needs another blog, anyway? On the other hand, this policy tends to lead to (3.) me having no readers.

So I'm breaking with tradition (and I might do so again in the future, from time to time) to post this bit from this week's Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game. In addition to writing it, I played the key role of "vendor." It seemed to go over well, despite my dropping a line or two.

Thanks to Andres and the rest of the GTN crew for letting me play in their sandbox for a little while.

The Ironic Vendor Sketch

FRANCISCO
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to play Egg or Anguish. Where one lucky audience member will win a solid gold egg, unearthed from an ancient Mayan temple, and another audience member will die horribly, never having known true love. It's one of our most popular reoccurring segments... although honestly, I don't know how, week after week, we manage to keep finding these golden eggs. One would think there would be a finite number available for...

While Francisco has been talking, a man has entered from behind the audience, and walked up the aisle towards the stage. He carries a carton of strawberries, and a large placard that reads Free Strawberries, with quotation marks around the word "Free."

VENDOR
(extremely sarcastic voice, throughout)
Free strawberries! "Free" strawberries!

FRANCISCO
(to vendor)
Excuse... excuse me!

VENDOR
Free...
(to Francisco)
Hey man, I'm working.

The vendor climbs up on stage.

VENDOR (cont'd)
It would be a shame if someone kept me from fulfilling my duties by drawing me into a long conversation while I'm on the clock. It's not like I get paid either way.

FRANCISCO
You don't get paid...?

VENDOR
(sighs)
No, I do. What is it?

FRANCISCO
We're just trying to do a show here, and we don't traditionally have someone wandering around selling concessions-- particularly fresh fruit...
(reconsidering)
Although those strawberries do look delicious. They're free, you say?

VENDOR
Pfft. Yeah, they're "free."

FRANCISCO
Are you... are you sure?

VENDOR
No, I'm not sure. Why don't you look at the sign?

He holds up the sign.

VENDOR (cont'd)
See?

FRANCISCO
It's just that you sound awfully sarcastic, and your sign has quotes around the word "free," which leads me to believe that there are some strings attached, or that "free" is somehow meant ironically.

VENDOR
Oh, those. Yeah, the quotes are around that word because it's a quotation.

FRANCISO
A quotation.

VENDOR
Yeah.

FRANCISCO
An extremely short, one-word, quotation.

VENDOR
Yeah. Like an endorsement.

FRANCISCO
From whom?

VENDOR
Deceased character actor J.T. Walsh.

FRANCISCO
J.T. Walsh?! What was the context of this quote?

VENDOR
It was part of the sentence, "So, are these strawberries really free, or what?" Nice guy. He was great in "The Negotiator."

FRANCISCO
So the strawberries are definitely free.

VENDOR
The strawberries are definitely, positively, absolutely
(he makes air quotes)
"Free."

FRANCISCO
What was that?

VENDOR
What?

FRANCISCO
That gesture you made.

VENDOR
It was a twitch. I have Parkinson's Disease.

FRANCISCO
Oh, I'm sorry.
(he reaches for a berry)
Well, in that case I'll...

A second vendor enters from the back of the house.

SECOND VENDOR
Strawberries! Complementary strawberries! Hey!

He bounds up on stage.

SECOND VENDOR (cont'd)
Good evening sir! Are you tired of other vendors offering
(he does air quotes)
"free" strawberries? Do you crave the sweet, sun-kissed flavor of summer fruit, but don't want to deal with the mind-games of other gratis berry purveyors?

FRANCISCO
Do I ever!

SECOND VENDOR
Then take a berry, kind sir! Take a berry and fly free!

Francisco takes a berry and eats it.

SECOND VENDOR (cont'd)
That'll be $52 shipping and handling.

Music cue: "Shave and a Haircut Two Bits."

FRANCISCO
(reacting to cue)
What was that?

SECOND VENDOR
Sorry, that's my watch. I set the alarm to remind myself that I need to get a shave and a haircut. Gotta go. I'll put the berries on your tab.

He exits.

FRANCISCO
Wait!

Francisco beckons after the second vendor, but is too late. The first vendor regards Francisco with disgust.

VENDOR
Well, I hope you're happy. Your quest for sarcasm-free free berries only led to greater expenditure...
(crossing center stage, to audience)
And I hope we've all learned a valuable lesson about dramatic irony. Mainly that it's a cheap way to get out of a comedy scene. You could've had strawberries! But perhaps Earth isn't ready to believe that a close personal friend of the late J.T. Walsh would distribute fruit without regard for personal gain. Maybe mankind just needs time to mature. As for now, I must take my leave of you-- but when you think of me, think of me as a hero. A hero that for some reason really wants to give you some berries. Farewell.

He leaves the stage.

FRANCISCO
Goodbye, berry man!

VENDOR
Yeah...
(air quotes)
"whatever."

SSIOWY Reunion!

Big news, people. I'll turn it over to Schaefes to tell you in her own words, because I'm lazy:

"Hello friends!

This Friday, The Wiener Philharmonic graciously shares their stage with me! I will host a super special reunion special of my show, 'Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You'! The SSIOWY cast/writers will meet on stage for the first time in four months! Come find out where are they now, and if they plan on making an SSIOWY movie! Special guests include members of the Wiener Philharmonic, a hither-to-unnamed musical guest, and as always, a star of Law & Order! All the great things you've come to expect from SSIOWY, except now smothered in buttery nostalgia, Paula Deen style.

Friday, March 10, 8:00pm, $8
The People's Improv Theatre
154 W. 29th Street (6th and 7th Ave)
2,3,9,B,D,F,V,N,Q,R,W,A,C,E to 34th St."

That's right-- we only stopped doing the show four months ago, and now we're back for an all-new special. Can "A Very Sara Schaefer Christmas" and "It's Arbor Day, Sara Schaefer!" be far behind?



Will there be anything in the reunion to approach the hilarity of this photo of Dan and Sara sharing a drink from a giant goblet? You'll have to see the show to find out...

See Me Perform Tonight!

A reminder: I will be in Andres Du Bouchet & Co.'s show Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game, doing a bit I wrote, tonight, March the 7th, at 8:00 PM at Rififi/Cinema Classics 332 E. 11th St. (between 1st & 2nd Aves.) There is one drink minimum, but drinks are cheap, and I'll seem funnier with the booze anyway.

The Countdown to Captains in Space Continues...

The gallery at the Captains in Space website has been updated. And by "updated," I mean that there are now actually pictures there. We're still aiming to have the first episode out in early March, but until then, enjoy these exclusive, behind-the-scenes shots! And you didn't even have to buy the DVD for this stuff. Dear god, we're good to you people.






























There are a ton of great photos over there, but I'm leaving you with this one, because it's from Future Shock, the one out of this first cycle of episodes that I wrote. Hey, it's my blog after all.

Plugs = Free Stuff? Hmmn...

So, a while back, I wrote a piece for the then-still-alive-and-kicking Jest Magazine, titled Highlights From the 1st Annual Softcore Porn Awards (and boy am I ever so glad that this hi-larious article lives on via the Internet, for my mom to see). All of the movie titles and names of stars were made up except one: Misty Mundae. Those of you who are connoisseurs of late-night programming on off-brand premium cable channels like Showtime and Cinemax should recognize her from a series of titles put out by ei Independent Cinema, home of the Shock-O-Rama and Seduction Cinema imprints.

My fondness for Ms. Mundae is based on her looking like an actual, honest to god human, rather than some sort of surgical experiment. Additionally, she can actually act, as witnessed by her appearance in the recent Showtime's Masters of Horror episode "Sick Girl," directed by Lucky McKee. So I tossed her into the fake article, as a quiet little shout-out.

Months later, the completely delightful Paige Kay Davis, V.P. of Publicity at ei, contacted me to get her hands on the piece (apparently they keep all the press clippings that mention their movies/ stars). I sent her one of the now-out-of-print and sure to be a collectors' item issues (have YOU collected them all?), and, in return, she was kind enough to mail me a few DVDs. So I am now the proud owner of Bite Me, Screaming Dead, and Spiderbabe. See what comedy writing can get you, kids? It's a gold mine, I tells ya!

I am the darling of the exploitation film world.

In other news, I'm moving to another neighborhood in Brooklyn at the end of this month. Please give me all your cardboard boxes.

Congratulations

Just want to give a brief shout-out to friend and former manager of the gone-but-not-forgotten Juvie Hall, Erik Marcisak, who stars in a film that just made it into the Austin Film Festival. Good work, man.

Captains in Space Update and a Deranged Andy Rooneyesque Harangue

The Captains in Space website has been updated with a little more production information, and a great still of the cast (by the way, our thanks to The Apiary for making note of us last week). Check it out. The shoot was fun, despite the record-breaking snowfall, and Fed's already put together a nearly complete title sequence that looks mighty impressive, despite our budget of a dime, a thumbtack, and three dried pinto beans. This weekend I'll be recording some voice-over, announcer-y stuff, so you can look forward to my melifluous voice when the first episode hits in early March. It's all coming together, people. Start printing up those bootleg t-shirts.

Also, as it's Friday, may I remind NYC readers to pick up a copy of Metro for my friend Elliot Kalan's weekly column. It will brighten your otherwise miserable commute-- perhaps the only laughs you'll have on the subway that aren't nervous ones, as you try to avoid eye contact with the greasy guy fumbling around in his pants. I've also discovered that you can read it online here. So many ways to waste time at work...

But please, if you're reading the paper version, don't let your eyes drift down and to the right, or you might accidentally read The Metro Cartoon: It's All About You, (what a godawful, ungainly title). Is The Metro Cartoon: It's All About You the least funny comic strip in the world? (Comic strip. Comic strip, people! Multi-panel comics are strips. Cartoons are single panel, or they star Bugs Bunny. And, yeah, I realize this is a geeky thing to get annoyed about.) The answer is: not quite. But that's only because B.C.'s Johnny Hart became a born-again Christian.

Speaking of which: I'm sure thousands of people have made this observation before, but how is it that all these cavemen are Christians? It's right there in the title! B.C. Before Christ! It's like a comic about a bunch of Elizabethans standing around discussing how much they love George Washington...unless this is some sort of sci/ fi, alternate universe, where there was a Caveman Christ.

Caveman Christ. Now there's a comic I could get behind. Get on it, Metro!

Rejection Receives Recognition

Thanks to comedy superfan Rachel Kramer Bussel's sharp eyes*, I was alerted to this story. Some Associated Press reporters were at the performance of The Rejection Show I mentioned previously, the one that featured a short film by my old fake boss Sara Schaefer (in which I had an approximately 20-second cameo), and wrote up a piece about it.

It's a nice article, and it even comes with a little video you can check out.










*which you can witness, bespectacled, in the aforementioned video.

March Madness... or at least mild depression

For those of you who like to plan your calendar three weeks in advance, take note: I will be performing in Andres Du Bouchet & Co.'s fantastic variety show Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game on March the 7th, at 8:00 PM. I will be acting in a bit that I wrote, essaying the character of "Sarcastic Strawberry Vendor." Make of that what you will.

If you've never seen the show before, just know that it's one of the best and funniest comedy shows in the city, an opinion I held long before I got the chance to contribute anything to it.

The show is every Tuesday at Rififi/Cinema Classics 332 E. 11th St. (between 1st & 2nd Aves.)There is one drink minimum, but with $3 MGD on tap, I think you can swing it.

Finalist! The Sequel!

Another one of my TV spec scripts has (sort of) won an award.

My Simpsons spec, "Jesus Christ Superstation," was a semi-finalist in Scriptapalooza's TV writing competition, one of the largest of its kind. (This year they received a total of 806 scripts - 241 pilots, 230 1 hour episodics and 335 sitcoms.)

Mine was the only one of the finalists that was a Simpsons script. Some might say that this was because I was the only person dumb enough to spec for a more-than-ten-years-old show. I like to think that it's because I was the only person talented enough to put a new spin on a more-than-ten-years-old show. Y'know. We all tell ourselves lies to survive.

This is my second spec, and the second to (sort of) win an award. (The continuing parenthetical interjections seek to acknowledge that the question of whether or not being a finalist constitutes winning anything is debatable.) Two out of two ain't bad.

Now can someone hire me? Or at least get me a damn agent?

May I Remind You...

...that the always lovely Sara Schaefer will be screening a five-minute comedy short, with a cameo appearance by the always-lovely me, at tonight's Rejection Show.

That is all.

"Captains" Website is Live!

So, the website for Captains is up and running. There's currently not that much content there, since we haven't actually shot any of the episodes yet, but it's still pretty neat. Go to http://www.captainsinspace.com/ to check it out. You can read a little about the concept and get bios of the people involved, and the front page is a blog where (I'm just assuming, since Fed is the webmaster) production news will be updated as we progress.

One of the more exciting pieces of news is that Andrea Rosen will be appearing in Future Shock, one of the episodes I wrote. You may have seen her in a reoccuring role in the very funny Stella on Comedy Central, a show I hope will return for a second season, although perhaps it's been shunted off to make room for more episodes of "Distraction" or 12 hours of Mad TV reruns. You know... for kids.

Anyway, to sum up, here are the things that you'll be able to find on the Captains website as of now:

-A spiffy logo
-A series synopsis
-Gratuitous use of the word "space"
-An email address for you to spam
-A reference to a "sexy onboard computer"
-Bios of the cast, crew, and writers
-Including a bio of Devon T. Coleman which is funnier than the boilerplate bio I contributed. What's that guy's problem, anyway?
-A photo of me holding a martini and a cat

Things you won't be able to find on the Captains website:

-Nude photos of any of the above (aside from the aforementioned cat)
-Actual episodes of the show

But they're coming, friends! (Uh... the episodes, not the nude photos.) We hope by early March. Keep checking in.

Happy Groundhog Day!

If You're Bored of Me

It's not personal news, but I wanted to give a couple of plugs to some certified F.O.D.'s.

First off, if you're in NYC, you should pick up a copy of Metro, one of the many free dailies that accompany bored subway riders on their daily commutes. Why? (Other than the thrilling expose on how men want to sleep with Jessica Alba?) Because Elliot Kalan, associate producer on The Daily Show and host of The New Kalan Show (formerly "The Midnight Kalan," on which I had the pleasure of appearing, for the "Night of Stallone" show) is now contributing a weekly column. And today is the kick-off piece. According to insider sources (read: Elliott), the column should appear every Friday hereafter. So rejoice, commuters! Three minutes of your day just got a lot more interesting!

Also: what has Sara Schaefer been doing, since the shuttering of Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You? She's been doing some solo performances around the city (the SSIOWY staff got together for a mini-reunion to enjoy her act at Variety Underground a couple of weeks ago). I'd like to highlight one particular performance: her upcoming appearance at The Rejection Show.

The Rejection Show
February 7th @ 8:30PM, $10
Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction
34 Avenue A (2nd and 3rd St.)
Tickets available in advance via Ticketweb.com or call or visit the Mo Pitkin's box office at (212) 777-5660
F or V to Second Ave.
Other people presenting rejections: Michael Showalter (Stella, The State, The Baxter), Peter Hyman (The Reluctant Metrosexual, Spin Magazine), and New Yorker Cartoonists!

Sara will be presenting a rejected Channel 102 pilot, which, as a bonus for the Whither Laffs reader, features about 30 seconds of me. See the music video where I took an ostensibly comedic pratfall, the scar from which I can still see on my shoulder.

Hooray for friends. Woo woo.

"Update, or: In Which I, Your Humble Host, Hit You Over the Head with a Four-by-Four"

As promised, here is the information about my appearance on Saturday:

Eric Zuckerman and I will be hosting 4x4, a series of four ten-minute comic plays (why that doesn't make it 4x10, god only knows), at the Gotham City Improv.

Cost: $10 (or $2.50/ play)
Time: Saturday, January 28, at 8:30 (length of show approx. 1 hour)
Location: 158 West 23rd St., 2F (above Monster Sushi)
Directions: Take the C. E, N, R, 1, 9 or F to 23rd Street then walk towards 7th Ave.

Mr. Z and I will be hosting as Caine and Hoskins-- meaning that I will be doing my inimitable Michael Caine impression and Zuckerman will be doing his incredible Bob Hoskins impression... which got me to thinking: have these two Cockeney acting titans ever done a movie together? And if not, some producer needs to get the two of them together IMMEDIATELY. It turns out that they have done one film together, Neil Jordan's 1986 British gangster-romance, "Mona Lisa." But they were hardly co-stars. I was thinking something more on the order of this:

CAINE.................... HOSKINS

in

LIMEYS!

Or, even better...

CAINE.................... HOSKINS

in

BLIMEY!

Could be great...