Tonight! FINAL SHOW of the Run!

7 PM @ The Magnet Theater
254 W. 29th Street, NY, NY
Tix $5 - Cheap beer available too!

The Flop House: Episode #41 - 12 Rounds

Dan was out of town this weekend, so he didn't have time to write full show notes for this episode, but he did have time to post it, and HERE IT IS!

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The Flop House Movie Minute #27 - Oscars Double Down

Thanks to recording in advance, we're a little late to the party discussing the Oscar Best Picture change.

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The Flop House Episode Forty is ONLINE

We come not to bury Jason Voorhees, but to praise him... or as much as you can praise anyone whose only purpose in life is to machete teens. Meanwhile Dan criticizes one of the victims' masturbation technique; Elliott gets schooled, Woody Harrelson-style; and Stuart reveals a fondness for womens' breasts that he has somehow managed to keep completely under wraps until now.

0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and theme
0:36 - 39:20 - We apparently have more to say about Friday the 13th than any movie we've watched previously.
39:21 - 43:40- The most shocking final judgments yet.
43:41 - 51:24 - Listener mail
51:25 - 56:06 - In lieu of film recommendation, a slew of plugs, for a zine, Elliott's film series, and Dan's sketch group.
56:07 - 56:42 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Friday the 13th

Again, if you want to buy the I LOVE BAD MOVIES zine, with writing from both Dan and Elliott, you can do so HERE. (We get no kickback.)

Here's a nice article about Elliott's film series.

A Terrifying Truth

I Can Has Birthday

My brother John sent me this LOL Birthday card that he threw together. It's a startlingly accurate depiction of my lifestyle.

The Flop House Episode Thirty-Nine is ONLINE!

This week we take a look at the movie that made us famous... or at least led to this interview. That's right, we tackle Bride Wars. Meanwhile guest host Amanda explains Candice Bergen's magical powers, Stuart reveals his commercial catchphrase, Stuart nominates Kate Hudson to star in the film "My Slightly-Puffy Matthew McConaughey Love Interest is an Alien, and Dan fills in for Elliott's golden pipes at an unexpected juncture.

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme
0:32 - 2:22 - We introduce our guest host: stand-up comedian and comedy writer Amanda Melson.
2:23 - 31:20 - In Bride Wars, there are no winners. Only bloodstained white tulle.
31:21 - 34:23- Final judgments
34:24 - 39:02 - Listener mail, and a revelation about Dan's slumlord background.
39:03 - 45:40 - The sad bastards recommend
45:41 - 47:24 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

If you like Amanda Melson in this episode, check out this Comedy Central stand-up clip. VIDEO! FUN!

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Wikipedia synopsis of Bride Wars

We Get All the Best Dead Celebrity Endorsements

The Flop House Episode #38 is ONLINE

Seemingly produced to answer the never-issued challenge, "can Disney make a movie to simultaneously appeal to kids and Paris Hilton?" this week we talk about Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Meanwhile Stuart reveals his commercial catchphrase, Elliott despairs over the sexualization of dogs, and Dan repeats several actionable celebrity slurs.

0:00 - 0:41 - Introduction and theme
0:42 - 31:36 - We discuss Beverly Hills Chihuahua, the movie that made talking Chihuahuas a national sensation. Wait... I'm thinking of Taco Bell.
31:36 - 38:38 - Final judgments
38:39 - 46:00 - After some hilarity about the Civil War, we read a letter from a listener.
46:01 - 53:19 - The sad bastards recommend
53:20 - 55:35 - Dan reveals a shameful talent for remembering celebrity nude scenes, followed by goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Beverly Hills Chihuahua

More Sketch Show Dates!

Is 2009 the year of the Whitepants? Probably not, but July certainly is the month of the Whitepants. My sketch group, Mr. Whitepants is doing several shows in July-- and at a reasonable hour (not like the nearly-midnight shows of May).
















You can see us on
Friday, July 3, 17, and 24 at 7 PM* -- that's nearly a whole month of Whitepants!
@ The Magnet Theater
254 W. 29th Street, NY, NY
Tix $5 - Cheap beer available!

*You can also see the rest of the group on July 10 in the same time slot, but that's my wife's 30th b-day, so I'm taking it off to celebrate with her. And, really, why would you want to see the show without ME?

9 AM Meeting: Episode Two - Fashion Follies

Production/ editing/ illustration/ music by me. Writing and voice work by me and Matt Koff.

The Flop House Movie Minute #25 - Remake Reuse Recycle

Elliott lists some terrible remake ideas, while Stu contributes a remake he'd like to see.

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The Flop House Episode #37 is ONLINE

When America said, "Surely they can't make a dull movie starring Will Smith," Hollywood responded, "Oh yeah?" and gave us Seven Pounds of proof. Meanwhile Dan exhibits his terrible taste in painters, Stuart explains how this movie would improve with the addition of Jeff Fahey, and Elliott reveals his sadistic side.

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme
0:34 - 27:04 - Will Smith. Rosario Dawson. A Jellyfish. How could this possibly go wrong? We discuss Seven Pounds.
27:05 - 29:50 - Final judgments
29:51 - 34:38 - The sad bastards recommend.
34:39 - 40:04 - Some last minute bitching and moaning about Seven Pounds, followed by goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Seven Pounds

Situations in Which is Acceptable to Nickname Someone "Wheels"

• This person rides a motorcycle.
• This person is in a wheelchair and is also a member of a group of teenage detectives and/or a team of teenage superheroes.
• This person is the getaway driver for a gang of bank robbers.
  
• This person is a 1950's greaser.
• This person has just gotten their car stolen (ironic).
• This person is a robot (specifically the type of robot with wheels. A "Johnny-5" style robot who moves using tank-style treads would be called "Treads." A robot with two legs would be called "Bob" or whatever the robot's name happens to be).
• This person is a wheeled robot that has had its wheels stolen (ironic).
• This person has had their feet replaced with wheels.

Situations in Which it is NOT Acceptable to Nickname Someone Wheels:

• All others.
  

The Flop House Movie Minute #24 - 18 Again, Again

America swaps bodies with its younger self, to go back to a time when body-swap movies were popular.

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Abominable Snowman Comedy

Check out my friend Frank Lesser's new humor piece over at Slate. I had the privilege to provide a few notes during the writing process, but all the hilarity is courtesy of Mr. Lesser. Read it and support the dying art of prose humor.

Things I've Seen on the Street Recently that Might Conceivably Make an Irritating Person Think, "Only in New York!"

(1.) A man balancing a live cat on his head.

(2.) A large gong.

The Return of Gchat Theater

[Curtain parts.  Dan McCoy sits at his computer, Google chatting with his friend Jack Kukoda]

me: http://tinyurl.com/dcfrgk

  Those hams are fixin' to catch up a mess 'o fish!

 Jack: hahahaha

 me: Then I imagine they'll fry those fish up in their own squeezings.

 Jack: i love it

  where do you find these?

  

 me: I saw some review of it on website about new books.

  Apparently it's the 2nd in a series.I can't imagine that the premise can sustain much longer.

 Jack: and it's spelled "squeezins'"

 

 Jack: no "g"

 me: True.

 Apparently, they're two little girls who fell into the machinery at a canned ham factory.

  Which, of course, turned them into anthropomorphic hams.

 Jack: no way

  really?

 me: You read about it in the news all the time.

  But when it happens to young girls...

  Tragic.

 Jack: my god

 that's just asking for kids to throw themselves into ham cannery machinery

  while on field trips to ham canneries

 me: http://www.henriettaham.com/

 Jack: my god

what were these girls doing in a ham cannery?

  i will give them credit for maintaining a positive outlook on life

  seeing as how they have their whole lives ahead of them

  with no chance of finding a husband or giving birth

  due to them being hams

 me: Well, I imagine they're beyond petty human concerns now.

  Being hams.

 Jack: yes

  they have the sageness that comes with being a ham

 they've transcended their human forms

 me: also the oraganoness

 Jack: you win

 me: BOOM

  I DROPPED THE BOMB ON YOU

 Jack: although you misspelled oregano

 me: Damn me.

  Were I a ham, I'd know better.

The Flop House Episode Thirty-Six is ONLINE

What's the perfect formula for a Christmas blockbuster? Take a character that only comics fans are familiar with, and give it to a first-time director who's only interested in recapturing the look of his own Sin City. Wait, blockbuster is an alternate spelling for "flop," right? We discuss The Spirit. Meanwhile we learn that Stuart is unpopular with South American police, Elliott takes us back to a magical time when shitty comics artists were considered celebrities big enough to appear in commercials, and Dan reveals a surprising a capella fan of the show.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme
0:34 - 31:12 - After a brief trip south of the border, we talk about The Spirit. The movie that manages to make superheroes dull and cleavage unsexy.
31:13 - 33:24 - Final judgments
33:25 - 42:27 - The sad bastards recommend
42:28 - 46:09 - A little talk about ghosts and Jedi molestation, followed by goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of The Spirit

Sketch Comedy TONIGHT!

Hate that refreshed, "rested" feeling you get with a full night's sleep? Why not come to my absurdly late comedy show tonight?














a sketch show
@ The Magnet Theater
254 W. 29th Street, NY, NY
May 1, 11:30 PM, $5
Cheap beer!

Follow Mr. Whitepants on Twitter!