Episode #76 - Third Annual Awards Floptacular

We've broken our curse, with our first Academy Awards-in-review show that doesn't have terrible audio problems, although it has our usual staying-on-topic problems. Meanwhile Stuart reveals looking-glass Hitler's nefarious plot, Elliott talks about previous winners of the Twix-sponsored Twixie Awards, and Dan unravels a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in Inspector Gadget.

0:00 - 0:53 - Red carpet introduction
0:54 - 35:51 - In contrast to EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET and our usual tendency to hate on things, we actually didn't mind the Oscars.
35:52 - 45:25 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
45:26 - 48:20- A brief pledge drive
48:21 - 55:56 - Dan tells the greatest story in American letters. Suck it, Twain and Hemmingway.
55:57 - 59:47 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.



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I Live Blog the Oscars for the Writer's Guild at FireDogLake

I have been asked by the Writer's Guild to join a group of far more distinguished writers than myself in live blogging the Academy Awards this Sunday evening. You can follow it on the "La Figa" blog on the FireDogLake site.

So if you have no Oscar party to attend, but still want to feel like you're watching the show with friends--then have I got the Internet-based event for you. I quote the press release:

Writers Guild of America, East's TV/Comedy Writers liveblog the Oscars on FireDogLake.com

Emmy winners and nominees are at your service!

Past and present writers from Letterman, Politically Incorrect, Best Week Ever, The Chris Rock Show, and other comedy and even news shows are liveblogging the Oscars at top progressive blog FireDogLake.com. TV's funniest and/or smartest programming is written by Writers Guild members so you know this will be an irreverent but industry smart take on the Oscars.

Writers Guild members live blogging are:

Michael Winship, WGAE President and senior writer on Bill Moyers Journal

Fred Graver, Emmy Winner and founder of iLarious, Creator of VH1's Best Week Ever, former Letterman, In Living Color & pretty much everything else you've ever seen.

John Marshall, Emmy nominated writer from The Chris Rock Show, Politically Incorrect, The Electric Company

Caissie St.Onge, Best Week Ever, The Rosie O'Donnell Show

Justin DiLauro, CBS News Promo writer (and master of brevity)

Bonnie Datt, The Confirmed Bachelors and fashion blogger for Racked.com.

Dan McCoy, 9am Meeting, two time Channey Award winner shown on Channel 101 New York

Dan McNamara, The Bear, The Cloud and God seen on Comedy Central and Atom.com and "Amazing The Lion" on the Independent Comedy Network

Timothy Michael Cooper, Concierge: The Series

and WGAE Executive Director Lowell Peterson (who's much funnier than a union leader needs to be).

The Writers Guild of America, East is doing this because 1. it's going to be entertaining and 2. to bring attention to the fact that the best writing for TV, film, radio and webseries is done by UNION members.

Join us starting at 6pm est. We’ll be covering the Oscars from the Red Carpet to the credits.

Flop House Movie Minute #35 - Best Picture Decimal System

TEN BEST PICTURE NOMINEES? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!

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The Flop House Movie Minute #27 - Oscars Double Down

Thanks to recording in advance, we're a little late to the party discussing the Oscar Best Picture change.

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Academy Awards Flopstacular 2009!

WARNING AND APOLOGY: Our Floptacular episodes must be cursed. Last year's Academy Awards show featured a nearly inaudible Elliott, and this time around Stuart's mic appears to have gone dead -- and we somehow managed to overlook this until editing time. We've done our best to "fix it in post," but it's still highly noticeable. Luckily, Stu's a rather laconic fellow anyway. We've made a real effort to increase our sound quality over the last 20 shows, so we're embarrassed that this one had issues. Please bear with us, and we'll do our best to keep this from happening again.

Anyway...

We discuss the Academy Awards, one of only eighteen nights of the year when Hollywood takes some time out of its busy schedule to honor itself. Meanwhile, Elliott takes us on a tour of old-time character actor impressions, Dan covers the Flop House red carpet, and Stuart is nearly inaudible.

0:00 - 0:26 - Theme
0:27 - 45:34 - We discuss the Oscars. Oh surely the skies will be dark tonight as all the stars are in Hollywood's Kodak Theater!
45:35 - 55:35 - Letters from listeners.
55:36 - 56:39 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes

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We promised links to the websites of listeners Chuck and Jen Lastnamewithheld, and here they are.

Here's the gay cowboy montage that Elliott co-produced for the 2005 Oscars:

The Flop House Movie Minute #19 - Oscar Bait

We make up for our lost movie minute with our longest supplemental episode yet, about how the Oscars are always wrong.

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The Flop House: Episode Eleven is ONLINE

Special guest Elliott Kalan returns to discuss what has been called "The Academy Awards of movies," the Oscars. Meanwhile, Stuart hands out tips about the Internet, Dan learns what it means to be a really unlikely stripper, and Elliott fears running afoul of Wayne Enterprises.

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0:00 - 0:33 Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 31:49 Welcoming special guest host, Elliott Kalan (segment producer, The Daily Show; humor columnist, Metro), and discussion of the 80th annual Academy Awards.
31:50 - 39:30 Elliott discusses his own experiences helping to produce the 2006 Oscars telecast, and Dan tries to jump in with his own shameless name-dropping.
39:31 - 43:15 We discuss the Razzies, which, coincidentally, was dominated by the film we watched the last time Elliott guest hosted.
43:16 - 45:51 We get bored talking about the Razzies and drift back to the Oscars.
45:52 - 46:39 Dan's cursed laptop provides the show with a shocking twist ending. Also, podcasty business is briefly addressed.
46:40 - 47:26 End theme and outtakes.

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NOTE: In this episode, I incorrectly identify our email address as "theflophouse" at gmail.com. It is, of course, "theflophousepodcast" (of course because, in 2008, every other damn email address has been taken).

FLOPHOUSE THEATER -- Enjoy the Gay Cowboy Montage that guest host Elliott Kalan helped produce:

In Which I Make My Yearly Oscar Picks

It's that time of year again, guys -- Oscar season! The magical time of year when people gather under the mistletoe to drink mulled Colombian cocaine (just like their favorite stars!); go into the woods to chop down Cuba Gooding Jr., and decorate their house with his tinsel-bestrewn body; and shave their heads and spray paint themselves gold, just like Oscar himself! Then they die, like that girl in Goldfinger.

But before they do, hopefully they get a chance to watch the Academy Awards ceremony, literally the only Hollywood awards show to be called the Academy Awards! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will that delightfully catty Joan Rivers harass on the red carpet? And when will some crazy sniper snipe Joan Rivers already?

If you're anything like me, you're about 5'11, dark-haired, and named Dan. (BWAH-HA-HA! Thanks, Academy Awards mainstay Bruce Villanch! I'll send that check to your Cayman Islands account.) And if you're anything like me, you're already making your picks for the office Oscar pool. So consider this a handy guide to the likely winners, so you can smoke that irritating secretary out of her five bucks. Just don't forget to send me my cut of your winnings! Rimshot! (Bruce, you've done it again!)

Of course, if you are anything like me, you know all this stuff already... and if you're like me, you're in the middle of writing an article about it... maybe this article.

Maybe you ARE me.

Okay, now I'm scared. I take it back. Fuck you, Villanch. Let's just get straight to the predictions.

BEST WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)

Juno
Lars and the Real Girl
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
The Savages

Look to Juno to win this category because Diablo Cody former stripper blogger blog blog bloggity stripper strip strip strip! She blogged! And then stripped about it! Stripping blog Diablo stripper strippity strip Cody strip strip. Strip. Kimya Dawson.

Odds - 1:1

BEST WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)

Atonement
Away From Her
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Atonement should sweep this category, as screenwriter Christopher Hampton (Oscar nominee for Dangerous Liasons) adapted the shit out of that scene where Keira Knightly climbed out of the fountain in a clingy, wet white slip. Basically, with this, and the Uma Thurman scenes in his previous nomination, Hampton is the man to beat when it comes to high-toned literary tit-envisioning.

Odds - 2:1

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
Ruby Dee - American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan - Atonement
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton

Cate Blanchett will win for her amazing committment to the role of Bob Dylan. Much like Robert DeNiro, who gained 80 pounds to play Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull, Blanchett put on 0.5 pounds, in the form of a working penis. She also converted to Judaism, spent years in New York as a folk singer, went electric, went through a Christian period, then did a Victoria's Secret ad. All while being kind of a dick.

Odds - 0.5 lbs:1

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook - Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson - Michael Clayton

While Casey Affleck will pick up an Independent Spirit Award for the "Best Performance by a Supporting Actor in a Film With a Title Exceeding Nine Words in Length," Philip Seymor Hoffman will win this one for his uncanny ability to sweat on cue.

Odds - Philip:Seymour Hoffman

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie - Away From Her
Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose
Laura Linney - The Savages
Ellen Page - Juno

After reading the reviews, I'd say it's less Elizabeth: The Golden Age, and more "Elizabeth: The P-HEW-ter Age," right? (All is forgiven, Bruce!) Anyway, Ellen Page is a shoo-in in this category, because I am in love with her. Really. She's mine. Back off all you skinny-jean emo boys, or I will FUCKING CUT YOU WITH MY KNIFE. Ellen, we can be together. I feel it deep in my soul.

Odds - Seriously, back the fuck off.

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones - In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises

Daniel Day-Lewis will win this one, for his stirring portrayal of an innocent capitalist driven mad by society’s intolerance of men with funny voices and milkshake obsessions.

Odds – mustache:1

BEST PICTURE

Michael Clayton
Juno
There Will Be Blood
Atonement
No Country for Old Men

This is such a strong field that Best Picture is a tough race to call. Thus, we can only pick a winner using the traditional method. Anagrams.

Right away, Juno is disqualified for having no anagrams. Sorry, Juno! Guess like you died in childbirth! Ha ha ha ha ha! But seriously, that would be tragic.

Michael Clayton gives us “Ethnically Coma,” which seems both depressing and potentially racist, and also “Technical Loamy.” Sorry, Michael Clayton – I prefer my loam to be actual, not to skate in through a loophole.

Atonement gives us “Matte Neon,” which just doesn’t make sense. Neon is inherently glossy. Make up your mind, Atonement!

No Country for Old Men is more promising. It renders “Nor Not Monocled Fury,” which was, I believe, the original subtitle to Edith Wharton’s The House of Mirth. Also “Unforced Nylon Motor,” which sounds like a tremendous invention.

Ultimately, however, There Will Be Blood has to emerge triumphant, on the strength of “Boobed Hitler Well.” I don’t know what it means, but I find it both horrifying and titillating. And what more can you expect from a movie?

Sodd - Blob:Lewd Hotelier

Happy wagering!