The rejected joke saga continues:
In June 2003 former Representative Mark Foley campaigned against child-oriented nudist camps in Florida, and was quoted as saying, "You put 11 and 18 year-olds together in a camp where they're nude, I think it is a recipe for disaster. It is like putting a match next to a gasoline can." Later it was revealed that the word "match" was actually a pet name meaning "Mark Foley's penis."
According to a new study, San Jose has the worst roads in the nation, followed by Los Angeles and San Francisco, while New Jersey has the most Thunder Roads.
More than a dozen pet owners are suing Hollywood Paws for failing to turn their animals into TV or movie stars as they had promised, and further alleging that their pets had been reduced to doing pawnography.
A cell phone company introduced a new phone called the Jitterbug that is aimed at senior citizens and features larger, easily read buttons and displays, providing the elderly with a convenient new way to not get called by their children.
A new popular event touring the country is Baby Loves Disco, in which parents bring their young children to nightclubs where they can dance. The name was chosen after "Baby Doesn't Have Too Much Choice in the Matter, Does Baby?" was deemed too on-the-nose.
Russian TV is producing a new version of he NBC sitcom "Suddenly Susan," which starred Brooke Shields. Of course, in Soviet Russia, Susan suddenlys you!
A Ukrainian man has developed a musical condom that plays louder and faster "as the sex becomes more passionate." Although for some reason, the music is muffled about half the time.
During Tuesday's episode of the O'Reilly Factor, former Representative Mark Foley mistakenly labeled a Democrat 3 times, although I'm sure it was just a harmless accident, and we shouldn't blame convicted devil-worshipping serial killer, Bill O'Reilly. Oops. Did I say serial killer? I meant "talk show host."
According to a new study, more than half of Americans admitted to "re-gifting," while the other half totally love that unicorn sweater.