The Flop House Episode Sixty-Four is ONLINE

Finally we get to watch a truly great movie, Alex Cox's seminal punk classic Repo Man, which... wait, what? We're watching Repo MEN? That piece of shit? Oy. Meanwhile, Stuart retains his man of mystery status by not revealing where he's working, Elliott gives us anecdote after delightful anecdote about Tommy Wiseau, and Dan reveals a secret plot to repossess Abraham Lincoln's organs.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:34 - 27:35 - Jude Law and Forrest Whittaker repossess both our will to live and to discuss the movie Repo Men.
27:36 - 33:19 - Final judgments, and Elliott's rambling Lethal Weapon 2 digression.
33:20 - 49:04 - A brimming Flop House Movie Mailbag.
49:05 - 58:50 - Instead of recommendations, Elliott gives us a firsthand report on San Diego's ComiCon.
58:51 - 59:41 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Repo Men

One Question...

Did Boo-Boo just fuck that sandwich?

Another Piece on Slate.com

Following up on the UNMITIGATED TRIUMPH of my Charlotte's Web piece, I submit to you, my faithful (and few) readers this humor essay about Inception, published in today's Slate. Enjoy it. I dare you.

9 AM Meeting Episode SEVEN!

YouTube, Metacafe, DailyMotion, Blip.tv and Facebook

The Return of Gchat Theater

me:http://www.wrongsideoftheart.com/2009/02/her-name-was-lisa-1979-usa/

Ritch: Kinda makes two thumbs up look a little tame.

me: More movies should be reviewed with "FULL ERECTION, 100%!"

Ritch: I'd give Showgirls like a 55%

me: Embrace of the Vampire on the other hand...

Ritch: I'd like to see "MAINTAINED A FAIRLY CONSTANT CHUBBY"

me: "Soft, but that wasn't really the movie's fault--I've just been really tired and stressed."

Ritch: ha

"Full Erection 100 percent, but I'll qualify that by saying I watched the movie in the back of a slowly rumbling bus."

me: These are the downfalls of the erection-based movie rating system.

Ritch: If you achieve a full erection 100 percent for the entirety of this Ken Burns documentary, consult your physician.

Devastator Launch Party

I couldn't be there, since I'm on the opposite coast, but check out the pictures of the launch party at L.A.'s Meltdown Comics.

Hey Kids! It's a Press Release!

Check out this press release for a new humor publication that includes a piece written by yours truly:

LOS ANGELES, CA— A new and audacious book series of satirical writing, parody and original comics, The Devastator, will be released this June 29, 2010. The Devastator is a compendium of both upcoming and renowned writers and artists who deftly satirize a new aspect of pop-culture in each volume. Writers and artists for the inaugural book have worked for The Daily Show, The Simpsons, The Onion, Cracked, National Lampoon, and more. Notable contributors to The Devastator #1 include James Urbaniak (The Venture Bros.), David Malki ! (Wondermark), R. Sikoryak (Masterpiece Comics), and screenwriter Todd Alcott (Antz).

The publishers, Geoffrey Golden and Amanda Meadows, expect the first book to be carried in 5 major independent book sellers in Los Angeles, 4 in New York City, and on their online storefront devastatorquarterly.com/shop. The book will soft launch on Amazon.com via Ingram Book Services this July. A release on Google Editions is to be confirmed this August.

Publisher and Editor-in-Chief Geoffrey Golden held a memorable fundraising campaign to print the mixed-format book, using the new creative fundraising platform Kickstarter.com. Featuring a hilarious proposal video starring cult celebrity actor James Urbaniak, The Devastator garnered support from the blogosphere and social media.

Co-publisher and Managing Editor Amanda Meadows announced a book release party at the largest comic book and collectibles shop west of The Rockies, Meltdown Comics. The book launch is scheduled for Saturday June 26, 7-10pm. Featured guests include all Los Angeles contributors to The Devastator, actor James Urbaniak, and Wondermark creator David Malki !, who will give away free sketches for those who purchase copies of the book. The event is open to the public, and attendees are encouraged to visit The Devastator’s Facebook fan page. Golden comments, "We're are honored to get such unconditional support from booksellers, colleagues, and fans alike. This book has been several months in the making, and we are ready to celebrate everyone's hard work on June 26th!"

The Devastator has received extremely positive advance buzz and reviews from former Publishers Weekly Comics newsblog The Beat, “The Sound of Young America” founder and host Jesse Thorn, comedy nexus The Apiary, foremost Animation Historian Jerry Beck’s cartoon news site Cartoon Brew, premiere webcomics blog The Daily Cross Hatch. The book also received endorsements from major university humor publications like The Yale Record.

The Devastator is an independent publication created by Geoffrey Golden and Amanda Meadows, two comedy writer-editors from Los Angeles, in December 2009. Having read humor and comics in print in their youth, they intend to instigate a rebirth of parody and satire in print that works in tandem with the digital reading revolution.

For more information, please visit devastatorquarterly.com/about

For a full list of Book #1 contributors click here.

To RSVP for Book #1 Launch Party

The Flop House Episode Sixty-Two is ONLINE

If a 13-year-old boy wrote an early-90's Image comic book and pitched it to Zach Snyder's third unit director, then you might wind up with something like Legion. Meanwhile, Dan tries to make it all about his birthday, Elliott expounds on some Flop House in-jokes, and Stuart offers Wolverine a real Sophie's choice.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 40:51 - God has decided to punish us. Not by sending all of the angels from heaven to wipe out humanity - by making us watch Legion. (And punish Dan in particular by making Stu and Elliott interrupt him more than ever before.)
40:52 - 42:14 - Final judgments
42:15 - 57:47 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag threatens to take over the show.
57:48 - 59:21 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Legion

The Flop House Episode Sixty-One is ONLINE

Imagine you were a robot. Now imagine everyone else is a robot. Now imagine Bruce Willis is a robot. Two out of three of those things are pretty hard to imagine, right? Welcome to the world of Surrogates. Meanwhile, Elliott imagines a lost Disney live-action hit, Stuart tells us what his surrogate would look like, and Dan plucks the low-hanging fruit.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme
0:33 - 34:34 - Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when we take you out in our discussion of Surrogates.
34:35 - 37:20 - Final judgments
38:21 - 45:55 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag.
45:56 - 51:40- The sad bastards recommend.
51:41 - 54:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Surrogates

The Flop House Episode Sixty is ONLINE!

Since Dan is gone this weekend at a wedding, Flopsmas is coming early this year! Enjoy a rare Thursday-posted episode!

We'll say this for Sandra Bullock - she throws herself into every role, even the ones she shouldn't, like the lead in All About Steve. Meanwhile, Brock makes a plea for simple job competence, Dan questions the film's view of the high-stakes crosswords world, and Stuart gives a recap lesson in cookery.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 2:30 - We reintroduce special guest host Brock Mahan.
2:31 - 36:53 - We put on our critics' high-heeled red leather boots to take on the no-rom, no-com, rom-com All About Steve
40:56 - 40:55 - Final judgments
40:56 - 44:07 - An all-comments Flop House mailbag.
48:45 - 55:07- The sad bastards recommend.
55:08 - 57:53 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of All About Steve

The Flop House Episode Fifty-Nine is ONLINE

What do you get when you take Death Wish, mix it with Saw, and add a soupçon of Gerard Butler? An unholy mess, that's what. Meanwhile, Elliott pitches our cartoon spin off, Dan leads us down a side road about Back to the Future Part II that goes fucking nowhere, and Stuart boasts about his giant... sandwich-making prowess.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme
0:34 - 2:24 - We waste a few minutes talking about how long it's been since we've invaded your ear-holes.
2:25 - 35:39 - We discuss Law Abiding Citizen, the most egregious crime against hyphens since The 40 Year Old Virgin.
35:39 - 38:18 - Final judgments
38:20 - 39:25 - Station identification
39:26 - 44:07 - We attempt to re-create a Flop House Movie Mailbag from memory, and we make fun of Stuart's fragile mental state.
44:08 - 52:10- The sad bastards recommend.
52:11 - 53:01 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Law Abiding Citizen

The Flop House Episode Fifty-Eight is ONLINE!

There are Flop House movies that are actual flops, and then there are huge blockbusters that need the flop treatment. We take a look at one of the latter. Meanwhile, Elliott takes us on a trip through the thesaurus entry for "muscular," Stuart shows his anti-romantic streak, and Dan reveals one of the many ways in which he's like a teenage girl.

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme
0:35 - 37:36 - Hail, hail, the gang's all here. Which gang? All of the supposedly-full-time Flop House co-hosts! A podcast with all three floppers together comes along once in a blue moon. Or in this case, a new moon. A Twilight: New Moon. ...Remind me never to hire myself as a copywriter.
37:37 - 39:33 - Final judgments
39:34 - 43:31 - The long-awaited WINNERS of the "Give Dan a Hook" contest!
43:32 - 51:19 - The sad bastards recommend.
51:20 - 52:13 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

If you didn't win the"GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Twilight: New Moon

James Urbaniak for The Devastator

Actor, gadabout, and man of taste and distinction, James Urbaniak, plugs THE DEVASTATOR, a new comedy anthology for which I am a contributor:

The Devastator - A New Quarterly Humor Publication

Hey, everyone - do you want to read a humor piece by me, anthologized among such luminaries as actor James Urbaniak (The Venture Brothers, American Splendor) or cartoonists David Malki! (Wondermark) and R. Sikoryak (Masterpiece Comics)?

Sure you do! Then donate to the project on Kickstarter!

Raisin Hell

Raisins – dried grapes

Craisins – dried cranberries

Crazins – homicidal dried cranberries

Cruisins – dried copies of the Al Pacino film “Cruising”

Musins – dried idle thoughts/ newspaper opinion columns

Mueslisns – especially dry muesli, often made with double-dried raisins, or “draisins”

Boozins – dried Boo-Berry Cereal

Boozyboozins – dried Boo-Berry Cereal served with kahlua instead of milk

Boo-boozyboozins - dried Boo-Berry Cereal served with kahlua instead of milk that’s eaten by Yogi the Bear’s sidekick Boo-Boo

Balooboo-boozyboozins – When Baloo the Bear eats Boo-Boo the bear after he’s eaten dried Boo-Berry Cereal that’s been served with kahlua instead of milk

Balloonbalooboo-boozyboozins – The bloated feeling Baloo the Bear gets after eating Boo-Boo after he’s eaten dried Boo-Berry Cereal that’s been served with kahlua instead of milk

Boobzins – very small breasts

Bruisins – the injuries you get after remarking on a woman’s boobzins

Fumezins – what this bit is currently running on

Loosin – what I’m doing to my audience right now

Amusin – the kind of ending I don’t have for this bit

[Dan throws down smoke bomb and disappears]

Whim Quarterly Issue Two PREVIEW

My piece "On the Economies of Magical Lands" is up on the Whim Quarterly website as a free preview of what one might find within the covers of issue number two.

By all means, enjoy it, but don't let it keep you from buying a copy--especially since it's not the only piece I wrote for this issue. That's always the way it works. Give 'em a taste, but then MAKE 'EM PAY FOR MORE.

The Flop House Episode Fifty-Seven is ONLINE

Elliott and Dan are joined by Eric Zuckerman, an actor who's appeared in many films--including one starring patron saint of flop Gerard Butler--to discuss the slasher film Sorority Row. Meanwhile, in a star-studded podcast, Eric completely fails to give us inside information about Carrie Fisher, Dan is pimped into busting out his Michael Caine impression, and Elliott will not shut up about Anne Hatheway.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introduction and theme
0:37 - 8:10 - Before getting down to business we discuss Stuart's vacation, Dan's nasal surgery, and the acting career of guest host Eric Zuckerman.
8:11 - 39:48 - We talk about Sorority Row, the remake of House on Sorority Row, which, of course, was a remake of Erich Von Stroheim's Greed, based on the novel Push, by Sapphire.
39:49 - 44:17 - Final judgments
44:18 - 52:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag
52:01 - 59:14 - The sad bastards recommend.
59:15 - 59:53 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

VOTE FOR DAN'S HOOK!

If you don't want to enter the "GIVE DAN A HOOK" contest, but still want to hear the DVD commentary we did for John Ott's short horror film, STULL, you can just purchase the thing outright, by going here.

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Wikipedia synopsis of Sorority Row

Whim Quarterly Issue Two Available for Pre-Order

Whim Quarterly is a print humor magazine. Drink in that unlikely sentence. Re-read it. Let it invade your skull. In 2010, a lonely magazine dares to keep the flame of prose humor burning. Don't you want to help support that worthy endeavor? Especially since I write for this particular publication? Don't you love me anymore?

The second issue is available for pre-order now. It's lighter and more bendy than a Kindle. Why not order one and remind yourself just how magical a paper cut can be?




















In the words of the publishers -- "Whim Quarterly is a magazine printed on actual, flammable paper. Its contributors are mainly underemployed writers, though some have chiseled their way into positions at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and other humor institutions. Taken as a single entity, Whim contributors would have 36 eyes, three Emmy Awards and a soul-crushing amount of personal debt. Treat yourself. Order a copy!"

Those E-Mail Forwards? I've Become One

Hey, my article is climbing the charts over at Slate.com--




















If you haven't read it yet, take a look.

Humor Piece at Slate.com

I wrote a humor essay for Slate that was published today. Give it a read, why don't you? And if you like it, pass it on. You will be rewarded in some vague way that you can't prove wasn't linked to your favor to me. That's the beauty of karma.