Well, not quite a miracle, but a delightful story nonetheless.
So, I was coming home from a delightful Halloween party at my friends' place* in Morningside Heights, dressed in my painstakingly accurate Shaun-from-Shaun of the Dead costume. Looking to snag a cab, I raised my cricket bat in cab-hailing formation. My wife, seeing a police car down the street, scolded me to put my bat down, apparently afraid that the fuzz would mistake us for a roving gang of cricket hooligans.
Sure enough, at the nearest light, the police car stopped, rolled down the window, and the cop in the passenger seat yelled...
"Hey! Why don't you try throwing records at the taxis!?"
Now, like most folks under the age of, say, 35, I have ambivalent feelings about the police. Living in NYC (and in not the world's nicest neighborhood) I'm always happy to see them around. Still, I have the usual fear of people with lots and lots of authority and guns.
However, this police officer not only identified my costume from 30 feet away, thought of a funny and appropriate-to-Shaun of the Dead remark, and yelled it to me. In that moment, to me, he was truly New York's finest.
Bravo, cop. Bravo.
*One of said friends being inimitable children's literature blogger Betsy "Fuse #8," who gave The Flop House a beautiful shout-out over at her School Library Journal site. Thanks to her for that, although god knows what her audience will make of the podcast. Thankfully she makes clear just how profane we tend to get.
Showing posts with label Fuse #8. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fuse #8. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
I Respond to a Blog Challenge
So, for the very first time, I have been issued a blog challenge. The lovely Fuse#8, Newbery Medal panelist and children's librarian extraordinare, has tasked me to re-write this (go read) and make it funny.
Oy. I try and limit my bad-mouthing of people to no more than 126 times a month, and Paul Rudnick and I have tangled before (well, insomuch as me attacking him via a one-sided blog post, while he's busy taking a limousine to his second limousine which takes him to his limousine-encrusted mansion, all the while being unaware of my existence counts as "tussling"). However, this seems to me to be a particularly egregious Shouts and Murmurs for two reasons.
1.) It's of that S&M family wherein a writer stumbles upon some soft news item in the back of Newsweek, takes 10 seconds to get the gist of it, then writes 500 completely un-trenchant words on the subject, while giving the impression that we should be grateful that he deigns to focus his Olympian wit on this wrongheaded nook of modern life. Oh the foibles! THE FOIBLES!
2.) He's making the same smutty joke over and over. (a) Find children's book (b) insert dirty word (c) repeat. In effect, he's simply playing the old porn movie title game-- hey everyone! Saving Private Ryan is now Saving Ryan's Privates! Ha Ha! Rudnick is dabbling in the job that hardworking porn screenwriters do everyday, without mainstream respectability or New Yorker cachet. They're the true heroes.
Anyway, considering that this is clearly a one-joke premise, the best strategy is to get in and get out. No point in using 500 words, when brevity is the s of w. With that in mind, I've re-written the piece, focusing only on the titles. Sure that turns my version into a simple list, and lists are the lowest form of comedy writing (although I've certainly done my share). But at least it doesn't belabor things.
Is it funnier? I don't know. I honestly didn't want to spend more than 10 minutes on it. But it's better than Marci X.
* * *
The Barenstein Bares Go to Nudist Camp
The Little Snatch Girl
This One's Pretty Much Porn for Teens, by Judy Blume
Dear Mr. Henshaw 2: Mom Said I Shouldn't Write to Adults on MySpace, but...
Johnny Tremendouscrotum
The Monster at the End of My Pants
Blueballs for Sal
Amelia Bedelia Misunderstands What it Means to "Butter the Muffin"
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
* * *
Okay. I feel dirty now. I promise not to work blue for a year.
Oy. I try and limit my bad-mouthing of people to no more than 126 times a month, and Paul Rudnick and I have tangled before (well, insomuch as me attacking him via a one-sided blog post, while he's busy taking a limousine to his second limousine which takes him to his limousine-encrusted mansion, all the while being unaware of my existence counts as "tussling"). However, this seems to me to be a particularly egregious Shouts and Murmurs for two reasons.
1.) It's of that S&M family wherein a writer stumbles upon some soft news item in the back of Newsweek, takes 10 seconds to get the gist of it, then writes 500 completely un-trenchant words on the subject, while giving the impression that we should be grateful that he deigns to focus his Olympian wit on this wrongheaded nook of modern life. Oh the foibles! THE FOIBLES!
2.) He's making the same smutty joke over and over. (a) Find children's book (b) insert dirty word (c) repeat. In effect, he's simply playing the old porn movie title game-- hey everyone! Saving Private Ryan is now Saving Ryan's Privates! Ha Ha! Rudnick is dabbling in the job that hardworking porn screenwriters do everyday, without mainstream respectability or New Yorker cachet. They're the true heroes.
Anyway, considering that this is clearly a one-joke premise, the best strategy is to get in and get out. No point in using 500 words, when brevity is the s of w. With that in mind, I've re-written the piece, focusing only on the titles. Sure that turns my version into a simple list, and lists are the lowest form of comedy writing (although I've certainly done my share). But at least it doesn't belabor things.
Is it funnier? I don't know. I honestly didn't want to spend more than 10 minutes on it. But it's better than Marci X.
* * *
The Barenstein Bares Go to Nudist Camp
The Little Snatch Girl
This One's Pretty Much Porn for Teens, by Judy Blume
Dear Mr. Henshaw 2: Mom Said I Shouldn't Write to Adults on MySpace, but...
Johnny Tremendouscrotum
The Monster at the End of My Pants
Blueballs for Sal
Amelia Bedelia Misunderstands What it Means to "Butter the Muffin"
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
* * *
Okay. I feel dirty now. I promise not to work blue for a year.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Primetime Kalan, This Saturday! Plus, Unrelated Miscellany!
Elliott just can't stop shilling for The Primetime Kalan, and I just can't stop posting his shills!
--
--
Hello, Kalan fans!
So apparently, this saturday is Rosh Hashanah, and apparently by scheduling my next episode of the ever-entertaning PRIMETIME KALAN on that day I've incurred the wrath of the UJA and the League of Orthodox Rabbis. But what better way is there to ring in the Jewish new year than a hilarious night of Kalan-related antics?
Exactly. And with stand-up comedy megasuperultrastar Demetri Martin and sexpert Catherine Wing in tow, it's the talk show equivalent of having your name written in the Book of Life!
Also, I think God's coming, so He probably won't get mad if you show up, too.
THE PRIMETIME KALAN
Saturday, Sept. 23rd, 8:30pm
Saturday, Sept. 23rd, 8:30pm
43 East 7th Street (between 3rd and 2nd Ave.)
Manhattan
Tix: $5
--
Also, thanks to Fuse#8 and Oz and Ends for picking up my Wizard of Oz DVD Digest piece. Sorry that I misidentified L. Frank Baum as Frank L. Baum. If I'm gonna have children's literature people reading my site, I'm going to have to step up my research. Meanwhile, all you children's lit writers can help me out by not having a first name for your middle name. Thanks.
--
Also, thanks to Fuse#8 and Oz and Ends for picking up my Wizard of Oz DVD Digest piece. Sorry that I misidentified L. Frank Baum as Frank L. Baum. If I'm gonna have children's literature people reading my site, I'm going to have to step up my research. Meanwhile, all you children's lit writers can help me out by not having a first name for your middle name. Thanks.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Site Milestone
Well, the odometer rolled over past 10,000 visitors today (although most of those hits were probably from either librarians or me). It's a tiny mark of success, I suppose, with the emphasis on tiny-- which in many ways is fine.
The other day I was pondering about how most successful comedians have a persona, and about how I don't have one, which, in turn, is probably why I don't usually think of myself as a comedian as much as a comedy writer (although I perform fairly often). I've settled into my role as the guy in the background, the staff writer (whether it be for the now defunct Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, or the currently running Primetime Kalan), or the guy who does some guest writing or performing in his friends' shows.
Most of the time this is cool with me. My career goal is to be a TV or screenwriter, not a comedy star, so I'm kind of training for that, with all my current stuff.
Still, just because I'm the support guy, doesn't mean I'm not an egomaniac (I did chose show business-- such as it is-- after all). Sometimes I feel like being in the background causes people to underrate what I'm capable of. Plus, I originally came to NYC to be an actor. I know my way around the stage. I could do more performing, or write stuff for myself to perform, and I'd be good at it.
And yet... I don't know that I have something specific that I, as myself, need to present to the world. No individual comic persona. So I don't end up doing my own thing very often.
Sorry that this hasn't been either (1.) a plug, my stated reason for maintaining this site, or (2.) funny, what I'm theoretically attempting the rest of the time. It's just something that occured to me recently, when I was thinking about blurbs.
Blurbs? Where the hell did that come from? Well, here's what I mean. If I was writing a quote about my former fake boss, Sara Schaefer, I might say something like:
"Her endearingly awkward presence belies a surprisingly sharp wit. A master of daffy self-effacement!"
Not great prose, but you get the picture. Or my current "boss," Elliott Kalan:
"A geek's geek, Kalan spins comic gold from supposedly cult subjects, his likable delivery making them accessible to his whole audience."
Whereas my blurb would be:
"His endearingly self-effacing exterior fails to belie an apologetic interior. His dry delivery makes slightly amusing a series of increasingly baffling references. Pleasantly regressive."
My friend Rob Bates co-wrote an entire sketch show for Rick Murphy, inspired by what he saw as Rick's comic persona. The title? "Rick Murphy is an Asshole."
Here are some suggested titles for my show:
"Dan McCoy May Come Off as Somewhat Cold if You Don't Know Him That Well, But Actually He's Just Sort of Shy."
"Dan McCoy is Politely Nodding After Everything You Say."
"Dan McCoy is Expressing Increasingly-Less-Dignified Befuddlement as the Straight Man in this Sketch."
"Dan McCoy Doesn't Mind a Laugh at His Own Expense, Provided He Helped Script It or is Otherwise Involved."
"Dan McCoy is Vaguely Dissatisfied With Life and Reacts With Mildly Cutting Remarks."
"Dan McCoy, Like Most People in Comedy, Probably Secretly Thinks He's Funnier Than You, but He Also Respects What You've Done, and Suspects He May Be Wrong About The Funnier Than You Thing."
"Dan McCoy Makes an Appropriate Pop Culture Reference, but Not Too Frequently, Because That Would Be Pandering and Lazy."
"Dan McCoy Loves To Dance, If You Get a Few Drinks In Him."
Etc.
The other day I was pondering about how most successful comedians have a persona, and about how I don't have one, which, in turn, is probably why I don't usually think of myself as a comedian as much as a comedy writer (although I perform fairly often). I've settled into my role as the guy in the background, the staff writer (whether it be for the now defunct Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, or the currently running Primetime Kalan), or the guy who does some guest writing or performing in his friends' shows.
Most of the time this is cool with me. My career goal is to be a TV or screenwriter, not a comedy star, so I'm kind of training for that, with all my current stuff.
Still, just because I'm the support guy, doesn't mean I'm not an egomaniac (I did chose show business-- such as it is-- after all). Sometimes I feel like being in the background causes people to underrate what I'm capable of. Plus, I originally came to NYC to be an actor. I know my way around the stage. I could do more performing, or write stuff for myself to perform, and I'd be good at it.
And yet... I don't know that I have something specific that I, as myself, need to present to the world. No individual comic persona. So I don't end up doing my own thing very often.
Sorry that this hasn't been either (1.) a plug, my stated reason for maintaining this site, or (2.) funny, what I'm theoretically attempting the rest of the time. It's just something that occured to me recently, when I was thinking about blurbs.
Blurbs? Where the hell did that come from? Well, here's what I mean. If I was writing a quote about my former fake boss, Sara Schaefer, I might say something like:
"Her endearingly awkward presence belies a surprisingly sharp wit. A master of daffy self-effacement!"
Not great prose, but you get the picture. Or my current "boss," Elliott Kalan:
"A geek's geek, Kalan spins comic gold from supposedly cult subjects, his likable delivery making them accessible to his whole audience."
Whereas my blurb would be:
"His endearingly self-effacing exterior fails to belie an apologetic interior. His dry delivery makes slightly amusing a series of increasingly baffling references. Pleasantly regressive."
My friend Rob Bates co-wrote an entire sketch show for Rick Murphy, inspired by what he saw as Rick's comic persona. The title? "Rick Murphy is an Asshole."
Here are some suggested titles for my show:
"Dan McCoy May Come Off as Somewhat Cold if You Don't Know Him That Well, But Actually He's Just Sort of Shy."
"Dan McCoy is Politely Nodding After Everything You Say."
"Dan McCoy is Expressing Increasingly-Less-Dignified Befuddlement as the Straight Man in this Sketch."
"Dan McCoy Doesn't Mind a Laugh at His Own Expense, Provided He Helped Script It or is Otherwise Involved."
"Dan McCoy is Vaguely Dissatisfied With Life and Reacts With Mildly Cutting Remarks."
"Dan McCoy, Like Most People in Comedy, Probably Secretly Thinks He's Funnier Than You, but He Also Respects What You've Done, and Suspects He May Be Wrong About The Funnier Than You Thing."
"Dan McCoy Makes an Appropriate Pop Culture Reference, but Not Too Frequently, Because That Would Be Pandering and Lazy."
"Dan McCoy Loves To Dance, If You Get a Few Drinks In Him."
Etc.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Adventures in Tapingsitting: Video Gaga and The Primetime Kalan
So, people often ask me, "What is the glamorous life of a sort-of-kinda-member of the New York comedy world like?" And when confronted with such a wayward, possibly fictional, questioner, I feel the need to set them straight on a few points. My life isn't always a whirlwind of poorly-attended performances in basement theaters, or exciting rejection letters. No, sometimes it's also a long weekend of low-budget video shoots.
Yes, in my never-ending quest to make my weekends more like my weekdays, I spent 12 hours this past weekend shooting some pre-taped bits for two upcoming shows. On Saturday I was out in Bay Ridge taping three segments for the first "Primetime Kalan," and on Sunday I was in various locations around Park Slope helping on a segment for "Video Gaga."
Let's focus on Video Gaga first, since it's the first show on the calendar. It's hosted by Sara Schaefer, whom you may remember from the hit fake talk show Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, for which I used to write (although you'd never guess I'm a writer after reading that convoluted last sentence. Geez). So this will be a minor reunion of sorts.
Her new show is at The Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater, the 800-pound gorilla of NYC underground comedy. What is it about? In the words of VG's official description, "Sara Schaefer counts down funny music videos for you! With a live musical act, sketches, special guests, glittery dance numbers, and moxie to boot."
And from Sara's site, additional information specific to this installment: "Musical guest: Erin McKeown. Ahem. AMAZING. Featuring music videos by Adira Amram, The Fresh, Dave Thunder, and two from the Video Gaga camp! Did I mention that three of these will be world premieres? Oh boy oh boy oh boy! And more! Meet the Gaga Girls. Bask in the warmth of the glowing Video Gaga sign. And yes, there will be another fun surprise at the beginning (and end) of the show."
Where do I come in? Well, I have a featured role in one of the music videos. I can't say much about the specifics, but I can say this-- it involves 80 hot dogs.
Video Gaga is this Wednesday the 14th, at 9:30 PM, and costs $5 (reserve tickets at Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre or buy at the door) 307 W. 26th Street, btw 8th & 9th. Closest subway stop is the C or E at 23rd (the 1,9 23rd St. stop is pretty close too).
As for the Primetime Kalan, it's the latest incarnation of Elliott Kalan(of the sketch group The Hypocrites, and an Associate Producer on The Daily Show)'s talk show/ variety program, which started out at midnight under the name The Midnight Kalan, moved to 10 PM and changed its title to The New Kalan Show, and is now moving once again, to an even earlier slot. We expect The Breakfast Kalan to debut sometime in January.
Meanwhile, though, the next show will be our first at our new location, Jimmy's No. 43, a bar not far from the old place. Finally, the show will start on time, there will be beer on tap, and you'll be able to go to the restroom without walking across the stage. What's more, we think you'll find our new time slot (Saturday at 8:30) more amenable than our old (Thursday at 10).
We'll be kicking off the new run with a theme show devoted to Superman, in honor of the Man of Steel's unexpected return to Metropolis. While Bryan Singer's all well and good, the rest of the Kalan gang and I shot a few of our own scripts, documenting some of his lesser-known adventures, and we'll be sprinkling them throughout the next show.
The Primetime Kalan is June 24 at 8:30 PM at Jimmy's No. 43, located downstairs at 43 East 7th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. By Subway: Take the 6 to Astor Place/ Take the R/W to 8th Street/ Take the F train to 2nd Avenue. The cost is $5.
So I hope that answers your nonexistant questions about my lifestyle, but more importantly, I hope you come to a show.
Oh, and I want to give a non-comedy-world shout-out to my good friend, the ever-lovely Fuse#8, who was on NPR's Weekend Edition this Sunday discussing summer reading, and, more specifically, children's literature. Give it a listen, won't you?
Yes, in my never-ending quest to make my weekends more like my weekdays, I spent 12 hours this past weekend shooting some pre-taped bits for two upcoming shows. On Saturday I was out in Bay Ridge taping three segments for the first "Primetime Kalan," and on Sunday I was in various locations around Park Slope helping on a segment for "Video Gaga."
Let's focus on Video Gaga first, since it's the first show on the calendar. It's hosted by Sara Schaefer, whom you may remember from the hit fake talk show Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You, for which I used to write (although you'd never guess I'm a writer after reading that convoluted last sentence. Geez). So this will be a minor reunion of sorts.
Her new show is at The Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater, the 800-pound gorilla of NYC underground comedy. What is it about? In the words of VG's official description, "Sara Schaefer counts down funny music videos for you! With a live musical act, sketches, special guests, glittery dance numbers, and moxie to boot."
And from Sara's site, additional information specific to this installment: "Musical guest: Erin McKeown. Ahem. AMAZING. Featuring music videos by Adira Amram, The Fresh, Dave Thunder, and two from the Video Gaga camp! Did I mention that three of these will be world premieres? Oh boy oh boy oh boy! And more! Meet the Gaga Girls. Bask in the warmth of the glowing Video Gaga sign. And yes, there will be another fun surprise at the beginning (and end) of the show."
Where do I come in? Well, I have a featured role in one of the music videos. I can't say much about the specifics, but I can say this-- it involves 80 hot dogs.
Video Gaga is this Wednesday the 14th, at 9:30 PM, and costs $5 (reserve tickets at Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre or buy at the door) 307 W. 26th Street, btw 8th & 9th. Closest subway stop is the C or E at 23rd (the 1,9 23rd St. stop is pretty close too).
As for the Primetime Kalan, it's the latest incarnation of Elliott Kalan(of the sketch group The Hypocrites, and an Associate Producer on The Daily Show)'s talk show/ variety program, which started out at midnight under the name The Midnight Kalan, moved to 10 PM and changed its title to The New Kalan Show, and is now moving once again, to an even earlier slot. We expect The Breakfast Kalan to debut sometime in January.
Meanwhile, though, the next show will be our first at our new location, Jimmy's No. 43, a bar not far from the old place. Finally, the show will start on time, there will be beer on tap, and you'll be able to go to the restroom without walking across the stage. What's more, we think you'll find our new time slot (Saturday at 8:30) more amenable than our old (Thursday at 10).
We'll be kicking off the new run with a theme show devoted to Superman, in honor of the Man of Steel's unexpected return to Metropolis. While Bryan Singer's all well and good, the rest of the Kalan gang and I shot a few of our own scripts, documenting some of his lesser-known adventures, and we'll be sprinkling them throughout the next show.
The Primetime Kalan is June 24 at 8:30 PM at Jimmy's No. 43, located downstairs at 43 East 7th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. By Subway: Take the 6 to Astor Place/ Take the R/W to 8th Street/ Take the F train to 2nd Avenue. The cost is $5.
So I hope that answers your nonexistant questions about my lifestyle, but more importantly, I hope you come to a show.
Oh, and I want to give a non-comedy-world shout-out to my good friend, the ever-lovely Fuse#8, who was on NPR's Weekend Edition this Sunday discussing summer reading, and, more specifically, children's literature. Give it a listen, won't you?
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