Wednesday, February 07, 2007

In Which I Detail My Gambling Problems

Man oh man. I'm so screwed! I owe ten grand after last Sunday's game. What am I gonna do? Why did I have to make those bets?

Yeah, that's right. I lost a bundle on Puppy Bowl III.

Jesus, it all seems like a bad dream. I wish I could go back to last Saturday and take back that call to my bookie. You see, I bet that the puppies wouldn't be adorable.


Oh my God! They were all furry and playful and cute, damn them! And with every look from their deep, brown eyes, I could feel my bank account draining away! DAMN YOU, YOU FUZZY WUZZY WUMPLEKINS... oh, look at you! You're splashing all the water out of your water bowl! I could never stay mad at you!

You might say, "Dan, why would you make a bet like that?" And, y'know... I had a feeling at the time that it was a bad bet. But it's always the long-shot bets that pay off the sweetest!

Besides, I figured that even if my primary wager didn't come through, I'd cover myself with some side action. For instance, I bet that there wouldn't be much scampering. BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH SCAMPERING! I bet that there wouldn't be any cocking-of-the-head, with a quizzical look, in such a way that one ear folded over in a sweet way. But guess what? THAT HAPPENED TOO!

God, I'm so stupid! Right now my bookie is sending over hundreds of darling little killer puppies to bury me in a smothering, suffocating, massacre of love! What am I gonna do?!

1 comment:

laura b said...