Man oh man. I'm so screwed! I owe ten grand after last Sunday's game. What am I gonna do? Why did I have to make those bets?
Yeah, that's right. I lost a bundle on Puppy Bowl III.
Jesus, it all seems like a bad dream. I wish I could go back to last Saturday and take back that call to my bookie. You see, I bet that the puppies wouldn't be adorable.
BUT THEY WERE TOTALLY ADORABLE!
Oh my God! They were all furry and playful and cute, damn them! And with every look from their deep, brown eyes, I could feel my bank account draining away! DAMN YOU, YOU FUZZY WUZZY WUMPLEKINS... oh, look at you! You're splashing all the water out of your water bowl! I could never stay mad at you!
You might say, "Dan, why would you make a bet like that?" And, y'know... I had a feeling at the time that it was a bad bet. But it's always the long-shot bets that pay off the sweetest!
Besides, I figured that even if my primary wager didn't come through, I'd cover myself with some side action. For instance, I bet that there wouldn't be much scampering. BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH SCAMPERING! I bet that there wouldn't be any cocking-of-the-head, with a quizzical look, in such a way that one ear folded over in a sweet way. But guess what? THAT HAPPENED TOO!
God, I'm so stupid! Right now my bookie is sending over hundreds of darling little killer puppies to bury me in a smothering, suffocating, massacre of love! What am I gonna do?!