Some Selections from My Popular Series of Humorous Essay Collections

So, there are fleabag motels, but has there ever been a "fleabag?" Why would anyone collect a bag of fleas?
-- Excerpt from Dannuggets: The Gentle Observational Humor of Dan McCoy

I'm trying to lose weight, so for an appetizer, I now order the "Bloomin' Green Onion."
-- Excerpt from Dan in Meal Life: The Gentle Culinary Humor of Dan McCoy

Why do they call it menstruation? Am I right, guys?
-- Excerpt from The Dan Show: The Gentle Misogynist Observations of Dan McCoy

What's the deal with Timber Wolves? They don't live in wood houses. They don't eat timber. Although, I guess if wolves were named after what they ate, they'd all be called "Rabbits and Other Small Game Wolves."
-- Excerpt from Dan is With Wolves: The Gentile Lupine Observations of Dan McCoy

I was getting arrested for breaking and entering, and I wondered, does anyone ever get arrested for just "breaking?" Like, they open the door, and figure that's enough for one day? Or maybe they just really hate locks.
-- Excerpt from Stealie Dan: The Gentle Criminal Comedy of Dan McCoy

"Living on a Prayer?" Why not just sing "I'm Between the Ages of 27-35 and Lack Imagination?"
-- Excerpt from Dan, Sing With the Stars: The Gentle Karaoke Komedy of Dan MkKoy

I call them high heels, because you've gotta be high to deal with the toe pain, right ladies?
-- Excerpt from Dan's Her in the Dark: The Gentle Cross-Dressing Humor of Dan McCoy

My buddy Ellington keeps suggesting swing time, but I can't get my wife to go for it!
-- Excerpt from Dango Reinhardt: The Gentle Jazzy Humor of Dan McCoy

Some people say that Anastasia is still alive, but I think they're just tsar losers.
-- Excerpt from Dan's Dan's Revolution: The Gentle Bolshevik Observations of Dan McCoy

Didja ever notice how Dan McCoy's always writing half-assed blog posts?
-- Excerpt from Rather Dan: The Gentile Dan-centered Danservations of Dan McDan