Wednesday, September 03, 2008

This Fall, Bangkok Gets CAGED

I'm fascinated by the upcoming film Bangkok Dangerous, and all the questions it raises. Some of my questions involve Nicholas Cage's greasy hair, and whether he uses it to whip thugs into submission, but most focus on the title. Are the villains that Nic Cage faces so devilishly (and grammatically) evil that they've stolen the word "is" from the very title of the film? Is it a play on the everyday phrase "Bangkok Dangerous?" As in, "Oh, you don't want to fuck with Nic Cage, man. That motherfucker is BANGKOK Dangerous." Is the entire film simply a poorly-translated warning video put out by the Bankok tourism board, and if so, what's their budget? Nic Cage's greasy hair don't come cheap.

Mainly, I just wonder what they'll name the sequel. "Bangkok Dangerous" is such a perfect void of meaning, a phrase of such exquisite, dumb emptiness that I worry it can't be topped. When you stare into Bangkok Dangerous, Bangkok Dangerous stares back into you.

Still, I thought I could offer the producers some possibilities. One obvious option is simply to switch locations:

Or they could move to a different city and add some punk rock flair:

Better yet, they could expand on the sexual pun inherent in "Bangkok:"

Perhaps they could keep the innuendo while maintaining a faux-Eastern feel...

Or they could dispense with all subtlety, and go more clinical:

But they should probably just go with something brutally honest:

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