A One-Act Play

NO EXIT (TO THIS CONVERSATION)

by Dan McCoy

Lights up. Dan sits at the reception desk of the college admissions office where he works.

PHONE RINGS. Dan picks it up. We hear the voice on the other end.

WOMAN
Hi. I'm wondering where most of the classes are held?

DAN
What? I'm not sure what you mean.

WOMAN
Where most of the classes are held.

DAN
There's not one single place where classes are held. I'm not sure what you need-- a street address?

WOMAN
No, just, like, where most of the classes are held.

DAN
Classes are held in several different buildings. The main administration for the [REDACTED] school is in [REDACTED] Hall.

WOMAN
So is that where most of the classes are held?

DAN
Some classes are held there. They're in different places on campus.

WOMAN
Yeah, that's what I mean. Campus.

DAN
Okay. The campus is at [STREET ADDRESS]

WOMAN
And is that where most of the classes are held?

DAN
Campus?

WOMAN
Yes.

DAN
Yes. Yes, the classes are held on campus.

Dan pulls out a gun and shoots the phone. Then he shoots himself. His ghost murders the woman. The earth is absorbed by the sun.*

BLACKOUT

*This portion of the play is not based on fact.