Monday, December 18, 2006

Recycling Center: Rejected Jokes Edition

Here comes Santa Claus...

Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet, who brutalized the country through a 17-year long military rule, died Sunday at the age of 91. Meanwhile, Bronson Pinchot, who brutalized America through five seasons of "Perfect Strangers," is alive and well.

According to a new study, fewer than 1 in 5 Americans have "a great deal" of trust in President Bush to "recommend the right thing" for the US to do in Iraq. Slightly more trusted:'s recommendations for Iraq.

Mattel said that sales of Barbies this year are up for the first time in several years, with one poll listing Barbie as the top toy for girls this season. Selling particularly well: Britney Spears and Paris Hilton's Bi-Curious Barbie Fun Set.

On Sunday Reverend Paul Barnes, the pastor of a Denver mega-church, resigned after confessing to having sex with men, saying that he had often cried himself to sleep, begging God to end his attraction to men. Thankfully, men weren't attracted to him, since he often cried himself to sleep.

While plans to sell OJ Simpson's book, If I Did It, were scrapped, copies have appeared for sale online for as much as 5500 dollars- although I can tell you how he did it for free. With a knife.

Nintendo's new video game system, the Wii, is causing problems for players who have accidentally thrown the remote control style wand-joystick into televisions, windows, and their own faces. And there's nothing more unpleasant than getting a little Wii in your face.

Martha Stewart will appear on Howard Stern's satellite radio show Thursday, to teach the audience how to knit nipple cozies.

The Marine Corp on Tuesday stopped a Sergeant from changing his name at the behest of the highest bidder on his Web site,, although they've so far done nothing about President Bush's site,

Federal health officials said Wednesday that lettuce was the most likely source of an outbreak of E. Coli linked to Taco Bell. I'll repeat that: the least healthy thing at a Taco Bell was the lettuce.

It was reported that Kevin Federline is prepared to write a tell-all book about Britney Spears that could include details about her wild drinking, alleged drug-use, her sexual attraction towards other women, as well as her supposed belief in time-travel. But not if FUTURE BRITNEY has anything to say about it!

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