Monday, May 15, 2006

Dead Joke Office

More orphaned jokes:

According to Census Bureau estimates, Hispanics remain America's fastest-growing minority group, but most of their population increase comes from births here, rather than immigration. In response, the Minutmen have set up fences around Hispanic women's vaginas.

According to a new report, abuse of prescription and over-the-counter drugs is sending more people to emergency rooms than cocaine-- whereas cocaine is sending more people to The White House.

Squirrel monkeys at the London Zoo have been snatching cell phones from visitors as they stroll through their barrier-free enclosure. Even worse, they've shown no respect for the concept of peak minutes.

The Bowery Bay Boys of Queens, New York won the "Operators Challenge," which is also known as the Olympics of Sewage Treatment—although, in a larger sense, isn't everyone who competed a loser?

Cory Booker, a former city councilman and a 37 year-old former Rhodes scholar, was elected Newark, New Jersey's first new mayor in two decades by a landslide, mainly because he was the first Rhodes scholar willing to stay in New Jersey.

Of the nation's major telecommunications companies, only Qwest declined to provide the NSA with phone call records of their clients. They also declined to provide their "Q" with a U.

Simon Cowell has hired Regis Philbin to host his new show for NBC called "America's Got Talent," in which singers, dancers, and comics compete for 1 million dollars, proving that America's new favorite type of entertainment, is what used to be avoided on the last night of summer camp.

Heinz Stucke, a German who has been riding his bike around the world for 44 years, faced a major set-back when his bike was stolen in England. Stucke vows that if he finds the thief, he will kick him to death using his tremendous thighs.

Richie Sambora is denying rumors that he cheated on wife Heather Locklear saying, "I remained faithful during my marriage. And I defy anyone to refute that." Experts are reportedly surprised, saying, "Did Richie Sambora just correctly use the word 'refute'?"

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