Dead Joke Office

Yet again, some of my monologue-style-comedy-jokes (Ooh! Comedy jokes! My favorite kind!) that were not deemed funny enough for mass broadcast. Oh well. I liked them.

--

The Center for Media and Public Affairs said that late-night comics have been doing more jokes on President Bush this year than in previous years, which is odd, because the longer he's in office, the less funny he is.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, it was revealed that Dick Cheney travels with a chemical-biological suit at all times, although he only wears it to holocaust memorials.

A New Jersey couple on Wednesday gave birth to a second set of triplets. Their names are "Jack," "Jerry," and, "Oh-My-God-Not-Another-One."

A convicted killer being put to death by lethal injection in Ohio, stunned witnesses to the execution on Tuesday when he sat up in the death chamber and said, "It's not working." Dude, that's the sort of thing you totally don't want to draw attention to.

Next week, ABC will broadcast a TV movie called "Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America," from the people who brought you, "Hey, What if Mountain Lions Broke Into People's Homes? That Would Kill a Bunch of People, Huh?"

According to a new study, New York City this year ranks number 11 on a list of the country's top 100 "allergy capitals," which is much higher than its ranking last year at number 88. Look out-- we're right behind you, Cat Dander, Vermont!

Over 3,700 mothers gathered in Manila on Thursday to break the world record for breastfeeding, and also the record for creepy guys loitering while pretending to read newspapers.

German Catholic leaders began legal proceedings on Tuesday to prevent MTV from broadcasting a new series called "Popetown," which depicts the Pope as a pogo-stick riding maniac, instead of a man in a funny hat who rides around in a tall glass car.

TV Land has announced plans for a new reality series called "I Pity the Fool," in which Mr. T travels the country dispensing inspiration and advice-- and, when necessary, pitying fools.