1:50 PM me: New get-rich-quick scheme:
The Heath Ledger Memorial Leaf Hedger
1:51 PM Matt: how does it work?
me: It's a normal hedger, but it comes with a drug interaction warning.
1:53 PM Matt: That sounds almost as good as my Darth Vader collectible Death Hater.
Hates death for you for only 24.95.
me: That must free up a lot of time.
Matt: You'd be surprised.
I've taken up yoga again!
1:55 PM me: Or I could sell my Burgess Meredeth memorial Merges Berry-Meth.
It blends berries and meth into a delicious drug smoothie.
1:59 PM Matt: Sort of runs contradictory to your first invention, doesn't it?
2:00 PM me: Look, the idea is entrepreneurship, not baby-sitting the American consumer.
They can make their own bad choices.
2:01 PM Matt: Lord knows I learned that lesson with my Humphrey Bogart memorial Go-Karts.
2:02 PM which were fueled with... alcoholism.
me: At least consumers knew what they were getting.
2:03 PM I took a bath on those Brad Renfro memorial Rad Bren-Fros.
I mean, they knew they were rad.
And that they were some kind of fro.
But I guess "bren" was too obscure for them.
2:04 PM Matt: the public is a fickle mistress indeed.
me: I thought everyone would know that it was Old English for "burn." But I guess there's not a big enough market for radical fro burning anyway.
Matt: Take my Woody Harrelson memorial Sarrel-hons.
Sure Woody Harrelson isn't even dead
and the rest is just nonsense.
But the point remains, I have a family to feed!
>lights up a cigar<
2:06 PM Maybe we're just not cut out for the celebrity death industry.
Matt: then what in the john candied world are we cut out for?
2:07 PM me: [CURTAIN FALLS]
2:08 PM [END OF ACT ONE of DAVID MAMET'S JOHN CANDY JOHN LENNON]
2:09 PM Matt: [hordes of senior citizens seen leaving the theater in disgust]