It's a constant source of amazement to me that television and movies haven't come calling with their high-priced development deals, mid-priced screenwriting fees, or low-priced basic cable beer money.
But perhaps I'm aiming too high. To that end, I've compiled this list of potential direct-to-DVD exploitation titles that I'd be willing to script, for the low price of a couple of student loan payments. I think you'll agree that these are can't-miss ideas. Come on, money men! Let's talk!
Death Bear! The Bear of Death
Night of the Shabbily-Dressed Alley Stranger
Flamethrowing Texican: The Border Protocol 2, Siesta de los Muertos
Terror of Pointy-Jabber
The Return of the Clone of the Guy Who Cloned Himself
The Soapbox Derby Angels
Gloveless Strangler (AKA The Fingerprint Killer!)
Prime Minister Boobs Chestley of Sex Beach
The Zeppelin Vikings
The Fondler 2: Fondled, Spindled, and Mutilated