Friday, February 29, 2008

In Which I Exploit Myself

It's a constant source of amazement to me that television and movies haven't come calling with their high-priced development deals, mid-priced screenwriting fees, or low-priced basic cable beer money.

But perhaps I'm aiming too high. To that end, I've compiled this list of potential direct-to-DVD exploitation titles that I'd be willing to script, for the low price of a couple of student loan payments. I think you'll agree that these are can't-miss ideas. Come on, money men! Let's talk!

Death Bear! The Bear of Death

The Fondler

Clit-Piercing Mummies

Night of the Shabbily-Dressed Alley Stranger


Flamethrowing Texican: The Border Protocol 2, Siesta de los Muertos

Terror of Pointy-Jabber

The Return of the Clone of the Guy Who Cloned Himself

The Soapbox Derby Angels

Gloveless Strangler (AKA The Fingerprint Killer!)

Shark Babies

Prime Minister Boobs Chestley of Sex Beach


The Zeppelin Vikings

The Fondler 2: Fondled, Spindled, and Mutilated

Robo Chupacabra

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