Tuesday, September 05, 2006

In Which I Expound Upon My Sure-Fire Get-Rich Scheme, With Regards to the Prevailing Entertainment Mode of the Day

I don't watch American Idol, but its saturation into the national consciousness is such that I'm aware that exiled singers receive a montage set to that "so you had a bad day" song. Similarly, So You Think You Can Dance (which I have seen a bit of, thanks to my wife*) sends off half their contestants to a song titled "End of the Road."

Therefore, I plan to support myself by writing a hit song to be used in reality show eliminations. Producers please take note. Some sample titles:

"So You've Had a Day That Ended With You Being Eliminated From Some Sort of Talent Competition"

"Not Good Enough to Be America's Sweetheart/ Nor Bad Enough to Be its Joke"

"Ultimately, You Were Sub-Par"

"The Only Thing Worse Than Being on a Reality Show (Is Not Being on a Reality Show)"

"Hello Third Lead in a Teen-Targeted Romantic Comedy!"

"This Was, Quite Literally, the High Point of Your Life. Hope You Enjoyed it."

"Get the Fuck Out of Here!"

*in this (and only this) instance, "wife" actually does mean "wife" and not "me snuggled up in a terry-cloth robe, sipping an extra-chocolatey mudslide and softly crying."


fusenumber8 said...

"Ultimately, You Were Sub-Par", is the best of the bunch, based solely on the number of syllables and the fact that "Sub-Par" rhymes with so many wonderful things. Like "Bert Lahr".

Dan McCoy said...

Like I'd ever associate the words "Sub-Par" and "Bert Lahr!"