You Dropped the Ball, New York Tabloids

Like everyone in New York, I was excited to see what headlines the tabloids would use for the Elliott Spitzer prostitution scandal. Yet I was disappointed when the best the Daily News could come up with, was:

"PAY FOR LUV GOV"

Really, Daily News? I mean, aside from barely making any sense (it sounds like the hookers were paying him and I sincerely doubt Spitzer's that great a lay) the best you could do was to shorten governor and rhyme it with "luv?" This looks like something you'd find in a Valentine's Day Candy Heart Scandal-Pak. Where's the elan? The ribald puns? The ugly joy of a conservative rag reveling in the fall of a democratic governor? Surely the New York Post wouldn't let me down!

"HO NO!"

Yes, that's what they came up with. Ho no. It's not without its pithy charms. It has some of the punning, unseemly enthusiasm I'm looking for. But come on! This is a major sex scandal featuring the governor of our home state! Let's get it together, New York tabloids! How about something like...

CONCU-BIND!

or

GOV BRINGS WHOREMONY TO NY POLITICS

or

GOVERNOR HARD ON BALL STREET

or

SLITS SITS ON SPITZ' BITS*

*this would also be the Daily Variety headline.

or
REFORM CUMS TO AL-BONING

Then again, they could go with something a little more subtle...